Endings are hard. Sometimes, we go out of our way to avoid them. At other times, we postpone them, like sliding our favorite worn-out jeans to the back of our closet because we don’t want to throw them away. Endings are often scary, awkward, and sad, even when we know that they are needed. How many of us remain in toxic job environments because we fear the uncertainty or uncomfortableness of leaving? Here’s a principle that we know, but don’t love: When we avoid timely endings, we often experience messy exits.
For years, I worked in ministry and encountered thousands of volunteers, church staff, and leaders nationwide. I noticed that people had difficulty admitting they were no longer passionate or interested in their serving role. Few people seemed to know how to say, “It’s been a pleasure serving with you, but it’s time for me to leave this role.”
While I understand that people don’t want to leave a ministry short-staffed, disappoint a manager, or suffer the ire of a toxic boss, we’re not doing anyone a favor by staying when our soul is screaming for us to go. Too many times over the years, I’ve witnessed what I call the “staff rapture.” This happens when a volunteer or staff member stayed too long out of duty, people-pleasing, pride, or stubbornness. Soon, they begin to resent showing up. Eventually, their pent up frustration explodes into angry words or accusations. The ugly finale happens when they storm out, never to be seen again. Then, the next weekend someone asks, “Hey, where’s Beth?” Someone else shrugs her shoulders. “We don’t know. She was here last week, and now she’s gone and not answering her phone.”
Perhaps you’ve seen this. Or, maybe it’s happened to you. Whether you stormed out or quietly faded away, the pain of a messy exit can sideline us from living out our purpose for months or years to come.
How do we gracefully exit a ministry, a job, or an organization sooner rather than later when we sense God or our heart telling us to move on?
The first step is giving ourselves permission to remember that we’re not assigned to any job or role forever. There’s an ebb and flow to our human experience that’s best summed up by the wisest man who ever lived:
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
As believers, our eternal destiny with Christ will never change, but our earthly assignments will. This verse sets up the expectation that there will be starts and stops, so we need to prepare ourselves to handle both. This means that if you’ve been serving in a job or a volunteer role that is no longer serving you (or allowing you to serve others well), pray and ask God whether the season for your involvement has changed. Trust that God will answer you.
In early 2015, I sensed God calling me to let go of my staff role at the church where I’d worked for over thirteen years. I’d spent my early staff years in part-time children’s ministry. In later years, I served on the weekend teaching team and executive leadership team. Comfortable in my corner office, I was confronted with giving up what I’d worked so hard for. I was intimidated by the thought of starting over again. Surely, it would be easier to stay. One day, I prayed and asked, “God, can I stay?” Over the years, I’d witnessed God do great and mighty things that I was part of, and I didn’t want it to end.
God’s response to my question was this: “Do you believe that I have more for you?”
I didn’t know the answer. Actually, I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t sure if I believed that He had more for me. How could I give up what was comfortable and good when I didn’t know what was next? But, I chose to trust Him.
Over the next five months, I prepared and prayed while leaning into the wisdom of trusted friends and counselors. In time, I recognized that as much as I loved what I was a part of, God was calling me to leave, even though I didn’t have a clear picture of my future. I sat down with my colleagues, including our new lead pastor and shared my plans. In the months to come, there were many good-byes, celebrations, and tears. But thanks to God’s prompting, I gave myself the time to end well and experienced the blessing of peace with a grace-filled ending.
Endings are hard, but you don’t have to make them harder by refusing to move on. Is God leading you in a new direction in some area of your life? Give yourself the gift of embracing the end so you can embark on your new beginning without the memories of a messy ending.
Listen to today’s article on the player below or wherever you stream podcasts!
Leave a Comment
Lynne Molyneaux says
This is so timely as I prepare to retire in 2 weeks after 39 years at my job. God has given me many confirmations that it is time to go and take care of some physical issues I’m dealing with. But I am looking forward to whatever else He has in store for me to serve Him and others!
Barb Roose says
Happy retirement to you, Lynne! Congratulations on your long career and I can only imagine all of the emotions in store as you near the end and transition to retirement. You are right – God has a new season waiting for you!
Madeline says
This was so relevant to my life and I thank you for sharing this. It is indeed ok for me to move on.
Barb Roose says
Yay God! Madeline, I love that God knew what you needed and when you needed to hear it.
Gail says
I struggle so hard with change, with moving on. But I can definitely see the wisdom in this. I will try to keep this in mind as we prepare for a potential cross country move.
Barb Roose says
You speak the truth, Gail! Yes, change is hard and endings can be harder. And you are in the middle of both of those right now. I pray that God uses today’s article to speak encouragement and hope into your heart.
Jenny says
Such a needed message for so many and one that hits hard as I pray through different roles. Thank you Barb for sharing this!
Barb Roose says
Jenny, I’m so glad that God used today’s article to encourage you, especially as you navigate the big and beautiful next season of your life.
Tanya Villani says
Thank you Adonai for Barbs testimony and encouragement. My heart needed this prompting to trust Jesus. At one time serving in ministry a mentor told me, “Ask God to give you a heart to give up something you love for something even better.”
I really struggled with that. Eventually the Holy Spirit got a full hold of my heart to give up being a group leader in bible study to speak fulltime. If God so loved the world He sent His Son I could certainly give up ministry I loved to share the gospel with others as a trained motivational speaker.
To be a witness to many who choose to accept the Lord, watching their countenance change has left me speechless. I treasure those moments & still pray for those men & women. ♥️✨
I need to realign my priorities. Thank you Barb for your authenticity & spurring us on.
Barb Roose says
Tanya, thank you for sharing your journey here on (in)courage today. Your friend offered such wise advice. It takes courage to step out in faith and it’s an encouragement to others. I love that God has given you a chance to see Him at work through your obedience.
Joy says
I had been thinking about this very thing lately, but I don’t want to leave or go to another state if God doesn’t want me to go. How would I know? And what would happen not only to me, but to others that I work with?
Barb Roose says
Hi Joy! Thanks for stopping by (in)courage today. It sounds like you’re wrestling through some big questions. Keep praying and talking with trusted friends. Most of all believe that God is will be with you no matter what you decide.
Irene says
Food for thought. I’ve been a hospice volunteer for over 10 years. I’ve had great experiences and helped more than a few families. But sometimes I ponder moving on to something else. Right now I’m helping a friend from church navigate the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Maybe that’s my next step. Prayerfully I will proceed.
Barb Roose says
Hi Irene! Thank you for sharing what you’re pondering right now. It’s so helpful to hear from others navigating the journey. I love that you’ve given your time and compassion to serving others in difficult places in life.
Michelle Stiffler says
YES to this, Barb!! There are seasons and that’s OK. Thank you so much for speaking the truth.
Barb Roose says
Michelle, you are absolutely right! Thank you for stopping by to share your comment with us.
Sherry says
So very timely for me. Thank you❤️
Barb Roose says
Wonderful! Thank you for stopping by (in)courage today!
Linda Kleven says
I really needed to hear this today, as I have been so sad to leave a job I love because of Health issues, & the inability to cut down to PT. I can feel God leading me in a different direction. My last day is Friday, & I hate goodbyes…this article helps bring peace to my ♥️
Barb Roose says
Sweet Linda, I’m so glad that God knew what type of encouragement that you needed this week. Praying for God’s continued peace and the next steps as you move into your next season of life.
Robin Dance says
Barb,
There sure is wisdom here :). I had to learn it the hard way because I didn’t have the influences in my life when I. was younger that could’ve helped me see this. Your insight will help those who might need a nudge to move along…. 🙂
Janet McHenry says
Wise counsel. I left teaching after 26 years. I knew it was time. Others begged me to stay (even students!) but I knew I’d reached personal goals and it was time for younger blood. Being able to pursue writing full time since then has been a joy.
Beth Williams says
Barb,
Many women can benefit from this information. I try to leave jobs on good terms. Ready to leave my current position, but God is saying no to every interview I get. Waiting on His perfect timing.
Blessings 🙂
Janet W says
Thank you Barb. I appreciate your calm and wise words as well as your experience. My husband and I are in this season right now. A job we never expected to bloom did and now it’s over. The owner has proposed a different opportunity for my husband. Something he has never done before and has zero experience. He is soooo on the fence. The last thing he wants is to feel frustrated and to fail and then be “that person”
Thank you so much for the reminder:
“For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 …..calm and wise words coming
“How do we gracefully exit a ministry, a job, or an organization sooner rather than later when we sense God or our heart telling us to move on?
The first step is giving ourselves permission to remember that we’re not assigned to any job or role forever. There’s an ebb and flow to our human experience that’s best summed up by the wisest man who ever lived”
We have been praying and we will continue to pray….and listen. Listen. Listen.
Thank you again xoxox
Christina Woody says
Barb, you mentioned: “How could I give up what was comfortable and good when I didn’t know what was next? But, I chose to trust Him.” That was me last year. My husband and I were in the process of moving out of state; our son was graduating from high school; we packed up the last 20 years of our lives and moved, by faith, from the Chicago area to NE TN. God provided an Airbnb for us to live in and then He provided a home that’s perfect for us complete with God-following neighbors. After being a stay at home mom for 19+ years, it was time to venture out of my comfy corner and get a job. God provided that for me as well. I love looking back over the past year and seeing all what God graciously did for my family and I’m so thankful.
Jan Gustafson says
Thank you, Barb, for sharing this. It is difficult to change courses and leave, but God opens a new way. Blessings!
Morgan Winters says
What a great article! Thank you for the inspiration and encouragment.
Melissa Johnson says
We should always follow that nudge or Gods prompting telling us to leave a job or volunteer position.
Pam Anderson says
Our family had attended the same church for 11 years. It was the first church to become our home. But after several leadership changes, the church became one without direction or a firm grasp on Gods truth. We knew it was not a healthy environment but we continued to stay, until we had no choice but to leave. Although I’m thankful for Gods love and lessons during that time. A part of me wonders if we had left earlier would we have avoided a huge amount of pain for our family.
Michelle says
I experienced this when I resigned from my job in Dec 2022. I knew in September that God was calling me to resign but I waited until November to turn in my resignation because I was doubting myself that I heard God. Even though submitting my resignation two months early did not yield the desired returns for the program that I would have liked, ie. being able to train my replacement. I am glad I did because it assisted my former dean with making the necessary adjustment. And I left with peace and relationships intact.
Anne Mahn says
Whoa Barb! this was just what I needed to hear, I have been thinking about some changes, and you have helped me clarify that I do have choices and maybe it is a season to move forward. Blessings in all you do…
Anne
Stephanie says
This is where I’m at right now. I am doing part time online work for someone mostly to be a help and witness to them, but it is demanding and with some very tough and stressful family situations the past 4 months I have stepped back a bit but have felt that it may be best to step out of that. I feel over whelmed a lot and know that I need to save my emotional energy. This is giving me a bit more of a boost to make the decisions and move forward on them with grace and no regrets.