A few weeks ago, we met up with longtime friends for a Major League Baseball game. During the fourth inning, a question came up about another mutual friend of ours who lives a few states away, whom I haven’t been in contact with for years. Naturally, I pulled out my phone and started thumb-tapping her name, happy to see she was still in my contacts. Before I had time to overthink it and consider how random, ridiculous, or rude it was to pop in out of nowhere, I texted Ashley our question: “Remind me of your brother-in-law’s name, and does he still work for the Braves?” Followed by, “How are you???”
To my surprise and delight, she replied quickly. (After all these years, I guess I was still in her contacts too.)
When she replied, “I’m okay,” I intuitively understood something wasn’t okay.
“I’m okay” isn’t the answer you give when you’re doing well. It’s the same answer I give to well-meaning strangers, acquaintances, and even friends when I can’t spare the emotional energy to elaborate on all the hard things going on in my life this year, or it’s just not appropriate to share. “I’m okay” can mean “I’m not really great, but things could be a whole lot worse.” And, sometimes it means “I’m getting through today the best I can.”
During those seasons, “I’m okay” is the truth, but barely.
My friend briefly recapped what was going on in her life, including happy things alongside the hard. Regardless of our particular circumstances, grief, heartache, and loss are painful, and pain is downright greedy. It demands more than its share of attention, which is why it is so important to notice, acknowledge, and savor the good things in our lives, too.
Painful circumstances can blind us to the goodness of God, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t good. It just means the pain is temporarily clouding our vision. And, sometimes, all it takes to see God and His goodness clearly is a little help from our friends.
A transparent text exchange with a friend I haven’t seen or talked to in ages reminded me how simple it is to make a difference in someone’s life. This year has been kicking my behind since the first day of 2023, but I’m learning how to love others better simply because of how I’m being loved.
If you have a friend who is struggling, she needs you. As a believer, you get to be the hands and feet of Christ to your precious friend by loving her in a tangible way. Isn’t that beautiful?
Wondering how you can love a friend when you know she’s really struggling?
Listen with an empathetic heart. One of the most powerful ways I’ve felt loved is to be heard by friends who are fully present and engaged. Resist the urge to offer quick fixes or solutions; instead, let your friend express herself without judgment. If she cries, let her cry. Tears are an expression of our emotions when words are not enough. God designed our bodies with the capacity to cry for a reason.
Pray for and with her. Prayer is a powerful tool — let it be your first impulse, not a last resort. Pray with her when you have the opportunity. Praying together will remind her of God’s presence in the midst of her circumstances.
Show up. People have “shown up” for me by calling, texting, sending cards, messaging on Voxer, and literally showing up at my house or work. If it makes sense, offer practical assistance to a friend who’s struggling. Help with household chores, run errands, or deliver a meal. Just…show…up.
Share encouraging Scripture. Scripture is always a source of comfort, truth, and hope. Share verses or passages that have helped you through hard times. Encourage your friend to meditate on God’s Word and find solace in His promises.
Suggest professional help. While your support is invaluable, sometimes professional assistance is necessary. Encourage her to consider seeing a therapist or seek guidance from a pastor if the situation warrants it. Assure her that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step towards healing and growth.
Respect her boundaries. While your intentions may be genuine, your friend may need space. Even though I’m an open book, sometimes I can’t talk about my stuff. Allow your friend to process her emotions in her own way and time.
Share your own experiences. If you’ve faced similar challenges in the past, share your own experiences. A childhood friend has been an incredible encouragement because she’s walked my steps and understands my pain from the inside out. Yet try to keep your conversations focused on her needs and emotions, rather than solely on your own experiences.
Point her to God’s love. In loving me, friends have truly reflected God’s extravagant love. They’ve reminded me that God cares deeply for me and I am never alone. Encourage your friend to trust God, knowing He is working all things together for her good.
Loving friends well is our privilege as a follower of Christ, and I’m hopeful to give what I’ve received. When we love others well, we’re demonstrating the compassion and empathy that Jesus showed during His earthly ministry. The goal is always to point a friend toward the unfailing love and grace of God, which, ultimately, is what we really need when we’re struggling.
Robin, thank you for sharing in the midst of your struggles, and providing very practical and helpful ways we can minister to those going through trials. May we always be sensitive to recognizing when things are not okay with our friends and use these ideas to walk along side them. I pray that God will bless you for sharing this and make a way where there seems to be no way in all of your situations. You are a blessing to me this morning!
And, YOU are a sweet blessing to ME this morning, Judy. Thank you for being part of our (in)community. I’m so grateful.
Such good and wise encouragement. Thank you Robin!
🙂 To God be the glory!! 🙂
Robin love today reading and what you wrote. It has really spoke to me. I don’t have many friends. But the 3 friends that I have even though I don’t see them that often. As two are sisters. They live 86 miles away from me. The other one is 15 miles away from me. But even though I don’t see them that often they are there for me. They know I am there for them if we need either. We always text and email either to keep in touch with either to see how either is doing. The one that live 86 miles away. Used to live down where I live but only 15 miles away from me. All so busy that why I don’t see them that often. But if they needed prayer or me to help them they know I be there for them. They do the same for me. But we do meet up now and then to go for coffee or lunch and those moments are special to as we catch up and give either big hugs and have a good chat and good laugh make memories. Everyday we keep either in prayer and eithers family in prayer too. We know we are special to either. But I know I don’t have other friends that I can see more and do more with. But I am thankful for them. As we know we can trust either. Anything we tell either it is only between us and God and prayer. They my 3 Friends know if they ask me I am the same to pray for someone I will. If I ask them the same they will. God knows best. That why God didn’t give any more friend. The most prescious friend I have of all is Jesus. He is there for me at all time. Yes I do wish at times I had another friend to more things with. But I think no be thankful for the friends God’s has given you. Yes I am. Love today’s reading. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx keeping you all in incourage in prayer.
It sounds like you have some special people in your life, Dawn :). I can see how you value them as such. Thankfully, in today’s world, there are so many ways to remain in touch!
Amen, Robin! Working full time from home I don’t always see people face to face but God has gifted me with the ability to show up via text. I am amazed how God uses texting to highlight who I need to make the casserole for also. Being the hands & feet of Christ is a gift I’m not sure blesses the receiver or the giver more! Thanks for your practical means of loving each other well! Blessings (((0)))
Yes, Ruth! You’re seeing there are countless ways to love on the people in our lives who NEED to be loved on! Sometimes we think our “little” is not enough, but sometimes those small gestures mean everything. xo
“Painful circumstances can blind us to the goodness of God, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t good.” WOW I NEEDED THIS! SO WELL SAID! AMEN!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Amada, your ALL CAPS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS made me grin…. That one line will preach, won’t it? Totally from HIM and not me!! <3
Always love your posts Robin! Sometimes I think He uses you just to speak to me in a way that I’ll actually hear it, lol. Even though I’m the one struggling mightily lately, your post made me realize that in my pain, I’ve been pushing everyone away. And these people that He gave me deserve better, so I will use this gentle nudge to reach out to them. Blessings to you for your wonderful gift!!
Cheyla, praying your struggles become light & less. May your reaching out to others bless you and aid in easing your own struggles. A lesson I learned eons ago & keep relearning even in my mid 60s. (((0)))
Oh…Cheyla… wow. Your comment is an absolute gift to me! Thank you.
Yes!! Let the Holy Spirit guide you to RECEIVE what He has for you through the love and kindness of people who care about you! Initiate. Don’t second guess.
And, I’m praying for you right now…. When you’re in “that” place, it’s awful. So I’m thankful for friends (online and IRL) who speak truth and encouragement to my (our) heart.
xo
Thank you for these wonderful ideas. My heart was reminded of those friends who have encouraged me. I do my best to be sensitive to the Holy Spirits prompting to encourage others. Give us instructed tongues Adonai with words of wisdom & love to encourage those friends who are weary. Thank You Jesus for lavishly loving us so we can shower others with Your love.
Yes, He loves us so!
Thank you, Robin! These are all good suggestions. I do have a friend who’s hurting and I hope I’m doing some things right.
I try to listen between the lines…that seems to help when you can hear what’s not being said, too.
Well said! Thank you
🙂
I’m a day late in commenting, but yesterday afternoon I had a long conversation with a friend of almost 40 years who is struggling with aging parents. They live 3,000 miles from her which makes it even harder. As we talked, I kept thinking of the reminders Robin shared, especially to listen well and let her talk and to pray with and for her. It’s amazing how God “times” these messages, knowing we will need the wisdom shared that very day.
Robin,
I recently ran into a friend who told me that one sister had died another one was in the hospital. As soon as I could I made a chicken pot pie for her & took it over to her house. I do stuff like this all the time. People can always use food & don’t always feel like or have the time/energy to make a meal. A few years back an RN Co worker was moving across town. Another RN would be helping us. Wanting to give her a nice housewarming gift I asked her if there were any foods she didn’t like or couldn’t eat. She said I love spaghetti & meatballs. I made a huge baked spaghetti & meatballs for the three of us to enjoy plus extra to have on hand while moving. That Rn’s dad got cancer. She took some of my baked spaghetti to him & he loved it. Ended up making it several times for her & him. My way of loving on her during this particular hard time. Thanks for the other suggestions.
Blessings 🙂