About the Author

Mary is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons – but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at MaryCarver.com. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City with their two daughters.

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  1. Beautiful words of truth and encouragement. Always blessed by this author’s heart and the way she weaves every day living with God’s Word.

  2. This could not have been timed any better. I am struggling with friendships right now. I don’t know if it’s because I am in my fifties and I don’t feel like I am anyone’s first choice or if I am at a place where I have just become acutely aware of my mortality heading into my golden years? It’s on my mind all the time 24/7. Thank you for being real about this. I am going to repeat these words to myself, I AM GOD’S FIRST CHOICE.


    • Christine,

      I believe you would benefit from Kristen Strong’s The Secret Friend Group. She is an ex-air force wife, he retired. She knows a lot about making new friends. Here is her description of the group: I like to think of this group as a virtual friendship bracelet for grownups whose purpose is to kindly shares friendship fears, frustrations, struggles, and successes in order to help others be able to find the friends they want to have. I pray this helps.

      Blessings 🙂

      • Hi Beth!! This sounds fantastic!! Where can I find this group? Sounds like something I would definitely enjoy being a part of. Thanks so much for posting this!

  3. Ah yes, I know the feeling. I think of people, friends who are in FL for the winter, as an example, and check in with them. (not too frequently, that could be a problem) When I do, they respond, thank me for checking in or say it is so good to hear from you, and we both catch up each other’s lives, so i don’t think it is unwanted. And yet time goes by and I don’t hear from them. I would love if someone thought to check in with me! Those same friends, when they have a crisis or a prayer need, ask me to pray or walk with them through it. I have decided that God has given me a heart for people and although I sometimes feel unimportant to other people, I am always very important to God.

    • From one Kathy to another, I can relate. Even with family, I reach out, I call, I help, I try to show them all, how very much I love them. Sometimes, I do wish they would call to just say hey. To ask how things are with me. But I know that God has given me this little ministry of “reaching out” and “making myself available” and my heart is happy! Should one of them be taken, or myself be taken, I would have no regrets, because I reached out and extended love!

      • What an empowering, reassuring way of looking at this dynamic as a ministry as a God- given gift!
        I have adopted this belief as well, and it has brought me peace in these situations.

  4. What is amazing to me, you and your daughter both have an invitation from God to share in His sufferings by “not being someone’s first choice”. God feels that way all the time. How many of His beloved creations choose Him only when it fits their needs? God wants to be first. He is jealous for all of us. It can be a hard invitation to receive, but what a joy to share in the suffering of Christ.

    Thanks for sharing today, Mary

    • Molly, this is a POWERFUL TRUTH!! And very IMPACTFUL! It may be a subconscious thought, but how very often do we let ourselves use our God as a backup friend! Bless you, you dear person! Your words hit me like a ton of bricks! Thank you! Such wise and inspiring words!

  5. Thank you Mary Carver❣️

    Initially I was reading this like a third person until all of a sudden it was about me
    not so much friendship wise but with a second failed marriage.
    I AM God’s FIRST choice.
    Please continue reminding us women of this – I believe it’s imperative.

  6. How beautiful this is, how well you handled it; I think most of us have had this conversation with our kids, and as heartbreaking as it is, we must remind them that when they’re young, this is so common. When they’re older, they will have more options for friends. From proximity to choosing their friends who feel like family – it will get better.

  7. I am daughter of the king of kings that king of kings is Jesus. Yes he would never leave me out. My best friends never leave me out either. Even though they now live 86 miles away from the me. I hardly ever see them. They always keep in touch with me. Ask me how I am. If coming down to Enniskillen where they used to live ask if they can meet up for coffee or lunch with me. I used to stay with them go Christmas shopping with them in Belfast where they live now. But can’t for health reasons stay with them. They are so good to me. I have no other friends. Expect Jesus. I love them in Christ so much. They are my sister’s in Jesus. I tried to be a friend with one there friends that still lives down here she never wanted to know. I forgiven her and blessed her. I have another friend I hardly ever see. She always busy. But I go the Lord and your reading from incourage and I love them I pray for you all. I love you all the other side of the world. I see you all in Glory one day with Jesus. Love today’s reading. I did want more friends but my husband said God has you have the friends he wants you to have and see them when he wants you too. They keep in touch with you when they do. Love you all Loads Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx

  8. Mary,

    Thank you for sharing this post. We tend to think only children have trouble with friendships. Nothing could be further from the truth. Adults are constantly going through seasons of change. That makes it hard to make & maintain friendships. As a youngster I was shy & had few friends. Now that I’m older I make friends more easily. I only have a few really close friends. That’s alright. God has always been there. He chooses us first & foremost.

    Blessings 🙂