A few years ago, I went alone to London, England for the summer. It wasn’t the first time I’d traveled solo, but it was the first time I’d spent the majority of the time with myself. London was alive with people, but most days I was alone.
My aloneness was not, in fact, loneliness. One doesn’t always equal the other. (Just like how sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still find yourself a little lonely.) Of course, I sometimes felt lonely, but I was always sure Jesus was close. I remember walking through Hyde Park, an ice cream cone in hand, chattering away in my heart to Jesus, telling Him exactly what I was thinking and feeling and dreaming. I genuinely believe He replied. He was my Friend and my Companion. I talked to Him constantly. He was my solitude.
I’ve lived alone for six years. There were long seasons where sometimes my aloneness felt palpable, almost thick. I knew each night when I woke up it would still be just me in the morning, in my one-bedroom apartment, day after day.
Maybe you can’t relate to that. Maybe you’ve wanted to escape the hordes of humans in your home. But no matter if you feel deeply alone, or if you’d pay a lot of money to be alone right now, I believe what both of us need is solitude.
One of my favourite writers, Henri Nouwen, was possibly the king of solitude, and aside from Jesus, most of what I’ve learned is from him. Nouwen was convinced that without solitude it was virtually impossible to live a spiritual life.
Except, when I actually carve out the time to meet with Jesus in solitude, I find myself suddenly distracted by 600 different things. Nouwen called this our “inner chaos”. When I sit down to meet with Jesus in silence, I instantly remember all the things I need to do, the projects I need to finish, the texts I need to send, the dishes I need to put away, the fears I have about now and the future…
My inner chaos comes out, and it comes out loudly. Getting alone — really, deeply, truly alone — with God can feel far too vulnerable and scary. Solitude asks me to bear my heart, to admit my sin, and to trust my fears and dreams to God. And then solitude asks me to do it again and again.
Nouwen said, “Solitude is not a spontaneous response to an occupied and preoccupied life. There are too many reasons not to be alone. Therefore we must begin by carefully planning some solitude.”
I wonder what planning for solitude might look like for you. It’s not simply planning to be alone, but planning to slow down long enough to become aware of God’s presence in and around you.
When I practice solitude, I’ll close my eyes and sit with my legs curled under me, slowing my breath.
I’ll say a simple prayer: Abba, I belong to You, or Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, or I inhale The Lord is my Shepherd and exhale I have all that I need, or whatever else the Spirit brings to mind.
Or I won’t say anything at all, and instead picture Jesus in my mind’s eye: how He smiles at me (because He’s delighted to see me today), or I’ll see Jesus laughing (because I’m convinced He has one of the best laughs), or I’ll just picture His eyes. Sometimes His eyes cry along with mine.
There are days when I open my eyes again, and only thirty seconds or a minute has passed. I can’t help but wonder: how can I so easily devote four or five hours to Netflix and only bear 30 seconds with You? But I know Jesus gives me a lot more grace than I give myself, and I know disciplines come with practice, and practice comes with time.
And I know, the more time I give to Jesus, the more I’ll learn to hear His voice. More than anything, I want to learn His voice.
Sometimes solitude feels like I’m wasting my time. But sometimes in solitude, the presence of God is so near to me that I can’t help but cry. And that’s why we all need solitude — because whether you’ve been alone often or not at all, we need to hear the voice of Jesus. To sit in His presence. To be keenly aware that God is with us and that the love He has for each of us is like a waterfall — how it pours out over and over, never ending.
Jesus said, “When you pray, go into a private room, close the door, and pray unseen to your Father who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6 NIV).
So this day, this month, this year… pray unseen, friend. In quiet. In solitude. With words or maybe without. And when you do, you will be deeply seen.
I promise you.
Oh Eliza, making time to be alone with Jesus, I’ve found, is a key to intimacy with Him, and I appreciate you sharing a little of what those moments can look like for you. My best core memories of worship and feeling the presence of God are when I’ve been alone at home with arms raised and worship music on, and when I’ve buried my face in the carpet, weeping in prayer. The common denominator has been that I’ve made time to be alone with Him.
Thank you for this encouragement to us all.
Kellie
That is so beautiful, Kellie!
Oh, the magnificence of the Trinity! We are seen and intimately known whether alone, in a crowd, solely focused on God or distracted by millions of other things. Yet the precious gift He wants us to seek Him out in the solitude! And He is the enabler when we are trying but oh so easily distracted. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement, Aliza! Blessings (((0)))
So encouraging, Ruth – thank you!
Thank you for shedding a light on us alone people. Everything seems geared towards couples and/or families, like we’re less than somehow. Your post really spoke to me as I’ve been trying to get still with God. I loved how you pictured Jesus and can’t wait to try this! Blessings to you!
I’m so thankful this spoke to you today. Much love!
Dear Aliza………..Your story has reminds me of my own experiences. Every morning I read the ( incourage ) devotions, just to get me awake and starting my day. I have been alone now for 5 years and I mean really alone, but oddly enough, not alone. I have a husband, son and grandson, but they do not acknowledge me as a wife, a mother and I don’t know about my grandson as he was only 11 when this whole thing started and is approaching 15 now. My son will not let me see or even talk to him. I have prayed in solitude many days, but I saw one of the devotions that said, It doesn’t need to be when you are alone. Jesus is there no matter whether my TV or Computer is on or off. To be truthful, the voice that I hear frequently is from my Holy Spirit. I hear Him all the time. I do try to say my planned times for prayers in a quiet room in my small apartment, but often when I feel I need to pray I will do it no matter what is going on. This is where I get confused at times with the Bible. You have said ” solitude ” and the other (incourage) devotion had a scripture that says to pray no matter what. I am not too familiar with much of the Bible as my job was a 10 hour a day plus 1 and a half hours for getting there. Once I got home, I had to take care of the family. A am 77 years old and I haven’t mentioned my husband. I observed 5 years ago that his mind was waning. He does have dementia and tried to kill me in a “dementia rage ” as he was a heavy drinker and abused me every night for 3+ years. He was in denial and even though he is probably in Tier 4 now, he still thinks there is nothing wrong. I learned to pray while he was hitting, spitting and doing other things to me. I had to. So, as I said I do put time aside in solitude to pray, but there are still things that happen that I pray no matter how much noise there is. I had to sell our house and he lives in 1 facility and I, in another where there are over 100 residents from the 70’s to over 100. Thank you Aliza for your words today. I will read it again after lunch when things calm down in this facility. I send my respect and joy to all of you (incourage) women because to me, all of you are angels sent to me by God to help me stay hopeful that things will turn out much better than what has been happening the last 5 years. Please enjoy your weekend…………Betsy Basile
Dear Betsy,
I am going to start praying for you today. Every morning.
Dear Irene……………..Thank you with all of my heart for praying for me as that is definitely what I need and you must be a wonderful person to do this as you don’t even know me. God Bless You………….Betsy
Bless you, Betsy!
Aliza,
My prayer closet is often the shower. When I’m in there alone with a candle burning I adore God, say my petitions & thank Him for ALL He’s done & given me. It is dark & quiet. The perfect combination to hear God’s voice.
Blessings 🙂
Love that so much, Beth.
Thank you, Aliza!
I am married, but I spend a lot of time on my own. Not all of it is “quiet”, of course. But much of it is. And I listen for God’s voice, too. You are wise beyond your years.
It was upsetting to see on your website last night that sometimes you have to squint to see something about God.
This was so good Aliza! My word for the year is rest. So, solitude is in the plan! My heart is to be more aware of His presence, to sit with Him and lock eyes with Him.