When people discover I have eight children, they often say, “You must be so patient.” My husband would be the first to tell you that patience is not a virtue I possess. If I ask for help with something and he’s busy, I usually proceed without him, even if it’s unwise and yields mixed results.
I can’t sit tight and wait.
I’m learning, however, that patience can be developed and practiced. It’s an act of will, and often in my best interest.
I’ve been working on my first novel for two years — one year to write, and another to edit drafts two, three, and four. It feels like an eternity. Family situations and shattering my right humerus, which required major surgery, slowed the process.
My manuscript has now been sent to an editor, and I am holding my breath, awaiting her feedback, which typically takes six to eight weeks. Last fall, I registered for pitch sessions at a writers’ conference in May, confident I would have an edited, polished novel by then, in case an agent requested it. Although the timeframe sounded reasonable when I booked my ticket, I’m behind schedule.
I’m happy to say that I left the conference with an agent who requested to read the first thirty pages of my manuscript! My first instinct was to race to my laptop and send it immediately, but when I mentioned I’d hired an editor, the agent told me her request wouldn’t expire and that I should feel free to wait.
It’s the smart thing to do: receive professional guidance, edit as needed, and submit the best possible sample of my work. I get one chance, and as the song says, I am not throwing away my shot. But this time, practicing patience doesn’t feel like biding my time. It requires restraint. It feels like work.
I showed my pastor a verse about patience and asked for his thoughts; he explained that the Greek word used means “active endurance,” not “passive waiting.”
When our hopes are high, patience can be exhausting.
But Romans 12:12 (KJV) also tells us to be “patient in tribulation.” Last year, when I broke my arm and needed surgery, there were so many basic things I couldn’t do well or at all — my life ground to a halt. I couldn’t maneuver my arm through a sleeve, wear a bra, or zip or button anything. My wardrobe consisted of shoulderless tops and elastic-waist bottoms. I slept propped up because I couldn’t lie flat on my back or on my side. I couldn’t drive. Although I’m right-handed, I brushed my teeth, applied make-up, and did everything else with my left hand. Family members had to wash and dry my hair for me.
Patience wasn’t a choice; it was a necessity.
In situations where patience is an option, it can be a gift: evidence we have time and freedom from the tyranny of the urgent. When my daughter went past her due date with her first child this spring, her medical team didn’t rush to schedule an induction. My daughter was swollen, tired, and ready to meet her son, but I knew the relaxed approach was a good sign.
On the other hand, we recently had to make a decision with huge implications in a matter of minutes. No time to weigh the pros and cons, or evaluate the small details or the big picture.
Patience is like a muscle. When we exercise it, the Lord stretches and grows us as we actively endure, not passively wait.
My manuscript will improve through deliberate editing rather than a hasty submission.
Maybe that’s true for something in your life, too. Are you rushing when a slower pace is needed?
Some circumstances, like my broken arm, take time to mend. No amount of disappointment or desire will speed them along. Have you allowed an unavoidable situation to frustrate you?
Is there a situation in your life that tries your patience? Can you see the freedom not to hurry as a gift, rather than an irritant?
God often does deep, refining work in the waiting. Instead of striving to push forward on your own timeline, lean into the stretch of patience and trust that what’s being formed in you is worth the wait.
This a hard thing to learn, God teaches me Patience repeatedly. This past January I had a hysterectomy and couldn’t even put my socks on myself. It was frustrating my 22 year old had to help me and it was on her time not mine. Now that I am healing that lesson is slowly going out the window. I need to remember that I need to be patience and wait on God.
Nicki I feel for you having had hysterectomy in January this year. I know it can be frustrating having to ask for help when you heal after having a hysterectomy. I had to rely on my Husband to do alot of things for me when I had mine in October 2018. I got no kids but because of heavy bleeding that caused me to have seizures I had mine I don’t regret it all. But with God giving me the strength to have the operation and heal after it. Plus do all the things they told me after having my hysterectomy. Plus my husband having to do the cooking washing and tidying of our home known as house work. My Husband doesn’t cook as he hate it. So God taught him patience for me to tell him what to do. Times he did get stressed when it came to cooking. House work no problem during the weeks I was healing. My Husband has just kept on years later doing the hoovering and washing of the floors putting on a wash and putting it out. But when I got better cooking became my job again. But I understand your frustration having to wait on your child to help you. My Husband was very good but at times if doing something he say be with you in a minute that could be 5, 10, minutes later. I used to get annoyed I had to wait in those times for him to help. But most of the time he was very good and didn’t have me wait. Even if was helping me put on my jogging bottoms. I don’t like them but had to wear them while I healed from it. So we both were taught patience with either at that time. God said this to both of us it will teach you both patience in different ways. So it did and it made both of us appreciate what we both do for either that God has given us both the strength to do. Looking back at me in the time of the hysterectomy I can see God in it all. I never wanted kids as not brave enough to have them. But I at admire you for having yours. Even though as was a Registered Childminder for 19 years. Kids teach you alot as they get older you hear parents say they do things in there own time not yours especially if you ask then to do something like tidy there room or put their dirty clothes in laundry basket so you can get a wash on with all the families clothes. That I heard from the kids parents that their kids I used to Childmind before starting school. I do hope you have healed well from you hysterectomy. I pray you never have any problems with it as the months and years go by. I ok years later after having mine and never regretted having mind even at 47 years old. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Dawn lovely to hear you on incourage. Dawn is such a beautiful name not many Dawn’s you hear the name of. I had to write the we reply to Nicki that I wrote as my heart goes out to her having to wait on kid to help her put on her sock after her hysterectomy. I was taught patience when I had mine in 2018. God something uses situations that we go through like me when I had my hysterectomy to teach me something out of it. It taught me patience. It did the same for my husband. Thank you for all you shared today like the time you broke your arm. I do my 84 year old Dad home keeping it tidy for him as he has the start of Dementia. One time I broke my ankle the to bones side by side at the top of it that stick out either side. Going to the shed were at that time my Dad had the washing machine to get the clothes that had been washed in it. The grass looked dry. I walked in it to the shed. I slipped because it was wet and I heard crack both side. When I went to our A&E about it. They said you broken them both you will need pins in it. So I had to have an operation. My Dad who is not saved and had not be diagnosed with Dementia then. Had to have patience with me until I healed from it to go back to do his House Monday to Friday. That took a couple of months because of were I broke my broke my ankle. My Dad missed me not coming to do his House for him Monday to Friday. I had to have patience to. To let my Husband do more for me at that time for me and heal to get back to helping my Dad by doing his house again. All these things tested us all and me and my husband the time of my hysterectomy with patients. When I was able to go back to my Dad’s he was glad to see me again to help him by doing his house for him. So God taught us all alot from all theses things. My Dad has the washing machine in his house now. That far better and far safer. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Dear Dawn……………Your story today reminded me of my struggle with patience. As a teenager I had to rush to get everything done and then I exhausted. My parents played a little part in that as they had me doing many activities, Band, Chorus, Cheerleading, the Teaching Club at school and of course, they were always urging me to study. I did that and was always a straight A student, captain of the cheerleaders, 1st Chair First Clarinet and was picked do solo’s in the band and the chorus ( as I have a low voice and always took the part of the boys when we did group songs at our concerts.) Because of this starting out, I became very impatient about all that didn’t go as I wanted. Fast forward to graduating from college and trying to find the right job. I really did not want to be a Russian School Teacher, just learning there alphabet took me months and the rest of the guys in my class had Russian parents and they spoke it fluently. Just 6 months later, the guy I was dating, raped me and three weeks later I knew I was pregnant at 21 years old. I was forced to marry him due to back in the 60’s the woman was always blamed for what happened. There is a lot that went on as neither of us wanted to be married. Fast forward again 3 years. I had to get a job as we had little money. I had this toddler, but my husband did not make much money back then as a school teacher. I kept praying for some advice from God. Finally, one day, my Holy Spirit whispered in my ear. My daughter, you need to start out at the bottom and OBSERVE everything when you do that job. I started cleaning houses and my clients were telling my friends how good she thought I was, but soon I was overwhelmed and really wasn’t making much money, so I prayed again and I decided to find a job that was different and paid a little more. So I found one as a receptionist at a trucking company that had 300 drivers. For 10 years I was there and what an eye-opening experience dealing with these men and their payroll. I looked at everything going on around me and learned much. The company closed down after those 10 years so off I go looking for something else. There were 6 jobs in the next 9 years, but here is what connected me so to your devotion. My Holy Spirit came back to me and said, “My daughter, you have listened to Me these last 19 years, and I think you are ready.” Somehow a place where I thought I would like to work at must have kept my resume and I got a phone call. Was I still interested to work here. We think we have a job you would like. After 2 interviews they hired me as a supervisor and then some years later as a Customer Service Manager. You see, since I did what the Lord wanted me to do, I had 19 years of patience and observing so much. This all led to me working at that company for 35 years until retirement. So sometimes if you are in a rush and impatient the way I was in all those early years, you can miss something that God sent to you as it is not always in a prayer. My patience is so much better now, but I will be honest and say, I do have those days at times especially when I think back on my life and everything that happened to me. That is when I know I need to take a day off and do nothing and rest. This gets me back on track as I will pray a lot on those days. Dawn, with 8 children I don’t think I could ever be patient as there had to be someone always wanting something, but you did it and I admire you for that. My story does not end there, but I have already taken up too much of your time. I wish you much luck with your novel, but I am sure someone will see how good it is. I would buy a copy. I also send my love and prayers to you as your story about your operation also reminded me about 9 operations I endured and how many things the surgeons did wrong, but that is a story for another day………..Betsy
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Dawn, thanks for having the words I so needed to hear today. Patience is not my strong suit as I have none and am in such a hurry for this season to end. Learning to wait for God’s timing is hard but I know His way is always best.