When I gave my life to the Lord four years ago, I was given a conviction: Take people on a journey. Invite them into the middle.
I grew up in church, but not with Jesus. The name of God was passed around my home, but I didn’t see His love lived out. Soon, I became an adult and started making my own choices. Most of those choices led to destruction and rebellion. When I was in my darkest moments, I remember choosing to watch testimonies. I was curious about God, but I was also afraid of Him.
I felt too far from Him to reach out and trust that He would be there. So, instead, I watched hours of testimonies on YouTube. Some days, I’d come home from living in ways that killed me from the inside out and, with tears streaming down my face, I would look up testimonies. I needed to know that Jesus cared about my story and that I could encounter Him in the middle of a journey like mine.
For seven years, I would watch stories, I would watch and listen, and read stories more than I would read my own Bible or pray. I could not comprehend the possibility of the goodness, love, and hope of a God who, all along, I believed was far and distant. I was compelled by the testimonies of others and convinced I needed to live another day. For the first time ever, I burned with the knowledge that Someone cared for me.
I gave my life to Christ in 2021 on the floor of my one-bedroom apartment, still deep in sin, grieving, angry, and full of questions. My salvation moment was private. It wasn’t in a room full of cheering people, or in the presence of friends and family. It was alone; it was just me and Jesus. It was uneventful. Still, I knew something changed. With that one choice, my journey with Jesus began.
Our stories are teachers — teachers to people in the church and outside of the church. Most people are drawn to vulnerability and reality, and this is what I loved about the many testimonies I watched. I saw humanity in their stories, and I could relate to the broken woman or the lost man. Each person spoke from a place of victory, but they were still brave enough to share the messy middle and invite others to believe God can meet anyone in the middle of their own story.
So, today, in full honesty and transparency, I choose to share about my own glorious middle. People can argue with the Bible, they can disagree with facts, but they cannot fight against your story. Your journey, your encounter, your testimony, and your experience of how God revealed Himself to you. In today’s age, we need more stories. We need more testimonies. We need those who will go first and share about their messy middles.
The truth is, you will never be ready to share your heart. You may never be ready to be vulnerable — but that is where Jesus comes in. That is where He will lead your words and guide you to the people who need to hear what you have to say. Yes, we might all still feel fear or worry about our im[erfections. Moses stuttered. Paul killed Christians. Rahab was a prostitute, the list goes on and on. But, yet, all of them submitted their weakness to God, and, more importantly, each of them saw His glory in their obedience.
When I have moved forward in fear, I have always found freedom. When I have acknowledged my weakness, I have always found His strength. Our stories have the power to bring people to the feet of Jesus and the table of plenty. They have the power to bring the Kingdom down to earth. Do it afraid or full of confidence. You never know what your story will do for someone else.
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Revelation 12:11
Such a powerful story. Thank you for sharing your journey. I was taken with your statement how you grew up in a church but not with Jesus. Thinking back, I share that experience. It wasn’t until I was about 65 that Jesus became important to me. All the years in church, he was never really the focus. I basically went through the motions. My husband’s suicide was the real turning point. Jesus got me through it. What a blessing.
Madeline, I am so thankful that Jesus rescued you in your time of despair. I cannot imagine the grief you must have suffered. Thanks for sharing. ❣️
Madeline,
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I am so sorry to hear about your husband, and there is no amount of I’m sorry’s that can mend that. But I do know Jesus is so close, and I know you, know that too. What an honor it was to read even a piece of your story. I will be praying for you this week as the Lord leads.
Thank you for sharing this Lily! The messy middle seems to be paramount in my life these days, but God is still there. Hugs and prayers ❤️
Thanks for sharing your story Lily. I’ve had some hard days the past 4 months. My husband went to ER March 17, had to have emergency surgery. Had diverticulitis and it perforated. Had to put ostomy bag, on breathing machine then had to put a trach in. Was SEPTIC. Kidneys were injured. Had to do dialysis, he was sedated for over a month. JP Drain, feeding tube. He finally woke up middle of April. When he started talking he told me, Dr’s, nurse’s, family, that he met Jesus. He said God gave him a second chance to live. He had his life right with God and wanted to meet Jesus! After being in SICU from March 17 to May 2, he was put in a regular room. On May 2, he went for Dialysis and when I got back to the room he was give out from Dialysis. He told me he couldn’t do it anymore. The Kidney dr told my husband he was going to have to do dialysis the rest of his life. He told the Dr’s he couldn’t do it. It broke my heart, wish I could’ve changed his mind. He was ready to meet Jesus. He went home on hospice May 6. He still told hospice nurses and everyone that came to visit to that he had a second chance and was ready to meet Jesus. He told my pastor he repented. On May 28, my husband passed away! That morning, around 5:20 I prayed with him, and used Psalm 143:8, “Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to You, I lift up my soul.” I told my husband (Johnny) I’d be ok if he was ready to meet Jesus. I told him I’d miss him and it’d be hard, But I’d trust God to guide me everyday! It wasn’t easy sayi g that! Around 5:49 my husband took his last breath. He had a peaceful look on his face. I miss him so much. Sorry for the long message. Through all those hard days and struggles God was with my husband and with me though it all. And God will continue to be with me.
Mae,
May you be met by Jesus on your step by step journey of grieving, just as your dear husband met him during his health challenges. May His holy, loving presence sustain you daily.
Lily,
I, too, grew up in church. Sang in youth choir, did cantatas, etc. Never really knew Jesus. It wasn’t till my 40s when a pastor talked about a relationship with Christ. Wow that was new to me. Since then I have gone through some tough trials. But through it all God was there for me. He has opened my heart, mind & soul to what Jesus did on the cross. Now I readily share my stories tell people I pray for them.
Blessings 🙂
Hi Lily,
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in this article. I can relate to the messy middle because I’m in it right now. Two of my young adult children have been battling mental health issues and were admitted to a psychiatric hospital in the last four months. I’m in recovery from a major surgery and have been a caregiver for my mom who suffered a stroke two years ago and is unable to walk. Despite all the challenges, Jesus has walked with, strengthened and sustained me by His grace every moment. Sometimes I’ve wanted to escape my life, but He’s enabled me to endure and worship Him in the messiness of the middle. Praying grace for all of us who are walking through the middle, but don’t see an end in sight yet. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Lily, thank you for sharing your story. It is a powerful one! There are so many hurting people out there that want to know Jesus but don’t know how to bring Him into their lives. So many people believe that you can only be ‘saved’ by attending church, joining their groups, etc. I belonged to a Parish for 65 years; worked in that parish for 10 years; thought I was doing everything right to know God better. It was only after I stepped away from that church (and some of it’s toxic ways), that I came to truly KNOW Jesus; that I felt His love, not for what I did, but what I know He did for me. I am committed to living my life sharing God’s love to all I meet……I want them to know what I know about God’s love – it’s for everyone!