You’re Not Bad, You’re Beloved

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.” I’m a little girl standing in front of a wooden pew, hymnal in my hands, singing off-key. In the sincere sentiment of John Newton’s song, I hear my deepest fear, “You are a wretch; you are bad.”

Later, as an exuberant participant in youth group, I make a similar misinterpretation. In 1 Timothy 1:15, Paul claims the title “chief of sinners.” Joining Paul in declaring myself a “sinner” seems like an act of faith-filled revolution.

Then one morning in a coffee shop decades later, weary from the inner voice of shame, I decide to ask, “Am I really a wretch and sinner?”

I look up the backstory of Amazing Grace and discover John Newton wrote these words about his former self as the captain of a slave ship, not as a description of himself as a faithful minister and devoted abolitionist.

Paul is also not describing a current identity. The meaning of “chief” can be translated as “first in rank.” Imagine an athlete who sets a world record that is never beaten, even though they retire from the sport. They would still be “first in rank,” although this is not their daily reality.

The language surrounding the “chief of sinners” phrase is past tense. Paul says he “was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man” (1 Timothy 1:13). In Romans, Paul also says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, emphasis mine). The implication is that he, and all believers, are not sinners now.

The Greek word for “sinner” is “harmatolos” and means someone who is “devoted to sin.” Paul would not claim this identity, and yet, for many years, I felt compelled to do so. Every time I made a mistake or fell short of an expectation, it seemed to confirm that I was a sinner.

However, sin, when it relates to Christians, is described as an action, not an identity. It is something we still sometimes do, but it is not who we are.

The New Testament has over 175 names for believers who faithfully follow Jesus, but “sinner” is not one of them. “Sinner” is a false accusation; the names we are given are love-based affirmations.

Saying we’re “sinners” can feel true because we know what we are capable of as humans. But claiming this title is deeply unhelpful. People tend to become who they believe themselves to be. If we’re constantly told we’re sinners, what is that doing to our hearts?

We can also falsely think that one of the best ways to glorify God is to be hard on ourselves. But telling ourselves we’re bad is not a way to make God look good. It is not the way of Love. The voice of Love is an invitation that says, “Remember who you really are. Rest in who you will forever be. Nothing and no one can change your identity.”

The truest thing about you is not that you are bad.

The truest thing about you is that you are beloved.

I wish I could go back to that little girl holding the heavy hymnal with words she didn’t understand. I would take it from her hands. I would whisper in her ear, “There is goodness and beauty here, but not every word is what it seems. You are not a wretch, dear one; you are a wildly loved child of God. That is truth; that is amazing grace.”