Someone close to me once asked me to share details about other people in a way that felt like gossip. Not only do I dislike gossip, but especially about these specific people. For me, participation was a hard no. Our tense, unsatisfactory conversation felt like a series of questions I kept having to dodge.
Later, this person told my mother, “Nothing I can say will make Dawn happy.” We were at an impasse. She didn’t see her questions as a problem. Instead, she thought I was being cold and evasive. As our relationship grew strained, I began to avoid her.
When I asked my wise mother for her advice, she said, “Kill her with kindness.” It restored and invigorated our troubled relationship beyond what I could have imagined, because that’s what happens when we’re tender-hearted. I learned a valuable lesson that I’ve never forgotten.
Our children have heard me say, “Be kind,” a million times. Now that we are raising three of our grandchildren, it’s become my mantra once again. Kindness does more than heal broken relationships; it comforts broken hearts.
Since our daughter’s death this summer, I’ve been on the receiving end of a humbling amount of kindness. I find myself in an uncomfortable place where my emotions sit just below the surface. It doesn’t take much to trigger them, and I’m terrible at hiding my feelings. Relative strangers, like the cashier at Costco and my new optometrist, have asked if it’s okay to hug me. I cry every time.
Small kindnesses are like healing grace.
The transition from summer to autumn is hitting me hard as I gather the necessary items for our grandchildren and discover boxes of carefully folded and neatly stacked clothing that our daughter prepared for them. These care packages, seemingly delivered through space and time from beyond the grave, labeled in my daughter’s handwriting, break my heart. She should be preparing her children for the upcoming season, not me. I often feel unprepared and struggle to be kind to myself.
A local foster care support organization supports families like ours. When I visited their donation center, they sent me home with coats, shoes, toys, and clothing, Halloween costumes, Christmas pajamas, robes, and house shoes for the children. The women there helped me find the correct sizes and piece together outfits. They dug through inventory that wasn’t yet on the floor, searching for items the kids might like. Before I arrived, they’d gathered toys based on their interests and packed a bag of party supplies for our grandson’s upcoming birthday.
Our family homeschooled for thirty years, but our grandchildren are enrolled in the local public school. Getting two sleepy children dressed, fed, and out the door —with their lunches packed and homework done and loaded into their backpacks each morning — is a challenge. The teachers and the support staff know who we are and are aware of the children’s unique situation, living with grandparents after the death of their mother. The staff have treated our family with such kindness, and we know they are well taken care of there.
If you listen to the news, you’ll only hear talk of division, but the conviction that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you is alive and well. I have seen such goodness and grace over these past few months. Friends and neighbors have delivered meals and gift cards and offered to babysit. Strangers have donated clothes, toys, and school supplies.
Radical kindness will transform your world for the better, and in most cases, it offers an immediate return on your investment. It diffuses animosity. It’s difficult to treat someone poorly when they’re treating you well.
We’re entering a time of year when we spend more time indoors among friends and extended family. People get stir-crazy, and tensions can flare. Let these two simple words — be kind — shape your thoughts and interactions.
The world will always have heartache and misunderstanding. But kindness — even the smallest act — has the power to shift the atmosphere. Whether it’s restoring a fractured relationship or holding space for someone’s grief, kindness breathes hope into weary souls. As the seasons change and the days grow colder, may we warm one another with compassion that reminds us we’re not alone.
People desperately need your kindness, like healing grace.
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