I’m a Stranger in My Own Skin These Days

I’m a Stranger in My Own Skin These Days

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I glanced across the room and my eyes could sense her tension. Laughing, smiling women filled the round tables scattered thoughtfully throughout the church room, but my new friend’s body stayed barricaded against the back wall, her feet cemented with uncertainty. While I rushed to see what was wrong, I knew it wasn’t soon enough. I could read her face as she wondered why she agreed to come to this gathering. Eyes moist with the onset of newly formed tears and alone in a supposedly safe space that promised connection and community, her perceived rejection felt palpable.

There’s nothing more lonely than walking into a room of women (make it doubly lonely if they’re Christians), scanning the whole place, and then realizing that no one has saved you a seat. She was living her worst friendship nightmare. I’d invited her to be part of my planned event, and I felt responsible. I cautiously put my arm around her, not quite certain on how to proceed.

There we stood — two, fifty-something-year-old women thrown back into the same realities we battled back in high school of being the new girl, the uncool girl, the stranger, the uninvited guest who stood on the outskirts waiting to be welcomed in.

“Jen, I really don’t want to be here right now,” she whispered.

“I understand, but let’s go find a seat together.”

As a gatherer of people, as well as a lonely woman who’s currently struggling through this threatening territory, I’ll never forget that moment. Even now, I can feel the heaviness we bore — the same load of loneliness and isolation that thousands of women carry. In fact, my eyes well up with tears as I type this because while I know we are not meant to do life alone, to carry burdens in silence nor celebrate solo, what happens when you desire friendships, but it seems like everyone has them but you?

I’ve always been the cheerleader of all things hospitality, and I passionately believe in the life-giving power and gift of a simple invitation, but I’ve been a stranger in my own skin these days and I’m not quite sure what to do with it. I want to understand this lonely season I’m camped in, so as my soul is parched, I reach for the only source of Living Water.

I find part of my answer in Leviticus19:33-34. There’s a reason God impresses the importance of showing love to strangers throughout the Old Testament. He commands:

And if a stranger dwells with you in your land, you shall not mistreat him. The stranger who dwells among you shall be to you as one born among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.

The Israelites were intimately acquainted with what it felt like to be a stranger, a foreigner, and to literally be held hostage. I can’t imagine the despair they experienced followed by sweet release. Once chained and enslaved in Egypt, they experienced freedom and God’s merciful rescue. And when they didn’t have a home as they wandered through the wilderness, God provided food and shelter (Exodus 16-17).

Over and over, I’m reminded of His goodness and how God wanted the Israelites to remember their own desperate loneliness and struggles in Egypt so they could empathize and create a safe space for others to be welcomed.

Another reason God calls them to care for the foreigner is to model for all the surrounding nations what a relationship with God looks like and who God is. They were to show that God wants to and would welcome the stranger into a relationship with Him.

This is at the core of who God is: He is the One who made a home for us, a welcome amidst our loneliness. As I’m trudging through a hard friendship season, I’m holding on to that truth. It’s not a quick-fix tutorial on how to create instant community and connection; that’s a much longer and often laborious process. But it is foundational to why I’m convicted to keep reaching out even when it feels like I’m on the outside looking in.

We are strangers and wanderers holding the hope of the gospel to invite and welcome. Won’t you join me?

If you’re walking through a lonely season, I wish I could welcome you to my table for some tea or coffee and be a balm to each other’s soul, but the next best thing I’d be honored to do is to hold that close in the comments.

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I Dread Watering My Plants but I Do It to Hold On to Hope

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During the height of the pandemic, when every rhythm and routine of all our lives were tossed around and thrown out, I was desperate for simple, repetitive acts to keep me grounded and sane. So I clung to the two things everyone else seemed to gravitate toward: baking bread and cultivating indoor plants.

So many essays and sermons could be written on the meaningful process of bread-making, but it’s becoming a plant parent that’s got me pondering these days.

It all began with a snake plant from my sister-in-law. It was easy, low maintenance, and it added just the right amount of happy green to the kitchen where it hung. It grew with each watering, and over time, it even sprouted its own little baby snake plant to its side. Proud doesn’t begin to describe the joy I felt.

As death and loss and grief divided and conquered our weary hearts, I began to invest in more plants: a neon pothos plant for the living room, a golden one for the bedroom, a waxy emerald peperomia for the bathroom, a baby zz for my son’s desk, and a heart leaf fern for my daughter’s. I wanted to fill every corner of the house with as many plants as possible, as if I could fight off death with more life.

Years seemed to pass by as the pandemic wore on, but each new leaf on my plants had me clapping with delight. Every day, I’d spritz them with water, say nice things to them, and wipe down their leaves. Every month, I’d gather them into the shower to give them a bath, and all of it filled me with happiness, no matter how brief.

But then winter came. The watering schedule became unstable. The soil wasn’t drying out as evenly or as quickly as it had been. Plants that had once thrived started to shrivel up one yellowing leaf at a time. Tiny mites began to show up, gnats started to form and buzz around the house, and one by one, my plants began to die.

With shame and yet relief, I left some outside on the curb to get picked up by someone else who could better love them. Others just ended up in the trash bin. Then, over time, I started to dread caring for them altogether. I’d watch the pothos leaves lose their vigor, and only when I knew the plant would die otherwise, I would water it. I recently found my resilient snake plant had turned yellow, and when I tried to pull off one of the yellowing stalks, the whole plant came apart from its roots. I had overwatered it after neglecting it, and now it was gone forever.

Hoping these last several years has felt a bit like caring for my plants. There have been times when hope seemed alive and well — or at least, easier — when gatherings at the table were filled with laughter and light conversation, when cheering each other on wasn’t predicated on whether we agreed on everything or not, or, maybe, when ignorance blinded us to the real pain others who have different lives, different skin tones, different abilities and limited access experience.

But when we can’t seem to catch our breath after a tragedy before another one hits, when death clings to us wave after wave of this virus, when finding community feels fraught and the future bleak, the easier kind of hope feels more wishful than real.

Most days now, hope looks less like laughter and light conversation and more like lament and crying out, “How long, Lord, how long?”

There have been many moments when I don’t even want to hope. It feels safer to stay cynical about the world and about people. I tell myself, “It’s better to expect the worst, so don’t hope for the best.” I try to convince myself it makes me stronger, keeps me protected, but my heart calluses over.

In the margins of my cynicism, I’m learning that hope is a practice of staying tender, of still believing — believing God does hear our cries and truly cares, believing healing and change are possible, even now. Hope is staying tender while everyone shouts and fights and straining to see the humanity in us all. Hope is telling your tensed-up body that it’s okay to hope, to dream, to try again.

There are now patches of emptiness throughout our house where plants used to live, their pot saucers like gravestones marking their absence. I continue to dread watering the ones that remain, but every time I see their leaves perk up afterwards, hope shimmers — because they’re still here, still green, still receiving what I can give them when I can give it. Hope is watering my plants even when I don’t feel like it because the practice of doing it anyway will keep my heart tender. It may not be much, but it might be enough to keep me going, to keep me hoping.

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Tips for Overcoming Bible Study Overwhelm

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There are a few things that are true about me:

One, I’ve seen Friends way too many times.

Two, I have an unhealthy love for Air Jordans.

Three, once you get me talking about the Biblical narrative and the importance of knowing Scripture, I can’t stop.

Believe it or not, that last thing about me hasn’t always been true. In reality, I’ve really only grown in my knowledge and love for the Word over the past few years, despite spending my entire life in the church. Part of the reason I didn’t understand the Bible was that it wasn’t really taught to me, outside of verse memorization and Sunday School stories. The other big reason I didn’t understand Scripture was that it always seemed so overwhelming to study.

The truth is that studying the Bible can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. There are many methods of study, but before you determine the best way to go about it, it’s important to recognize why we study the Bible. There are many reasons to study Scripture, but here are four of the most important to me:

1. Studying Scripture reveals who God is.

The Bible was written for many reasons, but the number one reason studying the Bible is important is that it teaches us who God is. It breaks down the attributes and identity of God throughout the entire book. We learn He provides, He keeps His promises, He protects us, He is our foundation, He is gracious, and the list goes on. We are shown these traits through different historical events, and digging into the Bible helps us know and understand the Lord better.

2. Studying Scripture shows us why we need Christ.

The main point of the gospel is that God sent His Son, Jesus, to come to the world as a man, live a perfect life, and die as the final sacrifice in order for us to be righteous. A lot of the time, however, that’s the extent of the teaching we get on why Jesus’ sacrifice was important.

At a basic level, yes, God sent His Son to die for us because sin was brought into the world. Through the rest of the Old Testament, however, you see so many different instances of a cycle of sin, punishment, repentance, and forgiveness. Not only do these instances teach us who God is, they show us how badly we need another way to redemption. The more we learn about why we need Jesus, the more we understand the sacrifice He gave.

3. Studying Scripture teaches us how to live like Christ.

As Christians, we are called to live like Jesus (1 John 2:6, Galatians 2:20, John 3:30). It’s important to pursue a Christ-like life because it’s our actions that point others to Him. What better way to learn how to act like Christ than to study the book that was God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16-17)?

While we see Jesus all over the Old Testament, even back to Genesis (Genesis 1:26), some of the more obvious information about how Jesus lived is in the New Testament. We see His life in the Gospels, and the letters of the New Testament show us how other men and women lived out the gospel in their own lives. From these experiences, we see what it looks like to live a life that reflects Christ.

Personally, I find Paul’s letters to be very helpful. He gives some excellent and practical ways to be like Christ in his letters, and he acknowledges the struggles we go through as humans.

4. Studying Scripture strengthens our relationship with the Lord.

Just like close friendships require communication and attention, so does your relationship with the Lord. And it starts with spending time in His Word.

If you’re not regularly reading your Bible, I encourage you to start. You don’t have to jump into daily study if you haven’t opened your Bible in weeks. Start with something you can manage and go from there. In my experience, the more I studied the Bible the more I wanted to study the Bible. What was once a “I didn’t even bring my Bible to church on Sundays” reading habit turned into a daily reading habit that I make time for and enjoy doing.

I won’t lie to you: it isn’t always easy. Whether you’re busy or you’re struggling to understand the passage you’re reading, it can be hard sometimes. But you know what? It’s so worth it!

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If you want to learn more about studying Scripture, are looking for something to guide you in biblical study, or are seeking a Scripture-based devotional to use, Whatever Is True and Lovely is exactly what you’re looking for! By providing practical Bible study tips and favorite journaling techniques in Whatever Is True and Lovely: a DaySpring Devotional Guide, author Carrie Cristancho shares how to make meaningful connections with God’s Word. Your life will be transformed as you dive into Scripture and start seeing the goodness of God at every turn.

Whatever is True and Lovely is now available! Pick up your copy today, and leave a comment below for a chance to WIN a copy!

Then join Carrie and (in)courage community manager Becky Keife for a chat all about Whatever is True and Lovely! Tune in tomorrow, 6/15/22, on our Facebook page at 11am CST for their conversation.

Giveaway open to US addresses only and closes on 6/17/22 at 11:59pm CST.

 

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Your Belonging Doesn’t Have to Be Bound to Being Right

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I used to mark the boundary lines between who belonged and who might not. I used to treat beliefs like the currency of community. Sure, I was tolerant and read widely. But when it came down to it, I subtly traded dignity and holy doubt for the dollars of belonging in the evangelical, reformed world. 

And in all that boundary-marking and belief-spouting, I was actually becoming boxed into a religious community that only let part of me — and everyone — belong. 

It took years for my husband and me to be honest with ourselves that working for a church that asked for more and more of our certainty, compliance, energy, and loyalty was making us less healthy and less whole. Having to be right bullied us and so many others into being less than beloved.  

We decided that losing our livelihood and belonging in that local body of believers was worth gaining the belonging of being healthy in body and soul. I don’t know your church story, but I know mine broke my heart in half. 

Four years ago in June, while the afternoon sun stretched across a cloudless sky, we hit send on our resignation letter to the church’s leadership. It was our eighth wedding anniversary.

Yesterday we worshiped alongside our friends at the cathedral downtown in preparation as their son’s godparents for his upcoming baptism, which will be the same day as our wedding anniversary. By the time you’re reading this, we will have stood by Jamie’s side under the massive buttresses of the cathedral’s nave and together with his priest and parents named that he is God’s own child, sealed with a belonging and belovedness that no one can take away.

On our wedding anniversary four years ago, we trusted through tears that even though we were leaving a church behind, God was not leaving us behind. 

This year, I get to see and name that in all the long, lonely days since that June, Goodness and Love have been chasing us. Harm tried to hound us into believing we didn’t belong in the church unless we kept giving the currency of our belief and loyalty to powerful people who didn’t give us respect and safety in return. Goodness and Love have chased us farther than Harm ever could.

Yesterday, after receiving the bread and wine, I sat back in wonder at how the expanse of the cathedral echoed the broadening expanse in myself.

My belonging is no longer bound to being right.

My belonging in the Body of Christ is no longer confined to the small box of some White men’s ideals of what a Brown man in Israel said and did over two thousand years ago. 

My belonging and well-being are bound up in the broken, risen, and reigning body of Jesus Christ, by whose Spirit I hear the Father’s words at Christ’s baptism as mine: “You are my beloved child. With you, I am well pleased.”

While religious people build barriers to belonging — demanding certainty where there is mystery and compliance where Scripture isn’t black and white — baptism brings the bar for belonging remarkably low. Our belonging is less contingent on certainty of beliefs or conformity to religious norms than on being brought forward and blessed with water we couldn’t obtain ourselves. Baptism brings us low, to waters that remind us we belong because we were born and we are loved because we exist.
— K.J. Ramsey, The Lord Is My Courage

We can detach from the dollar signs of a belonging that is based on more beliefs than the Nicene Creed. We can untangle ourselves from the cords of consumerism that reduce our place among God’s people to our utility. We can burst out of the boxes that attempt to confine human bodies as things to control, use, or condemn. 

Today, the church is bigger than I once dreamed. She is local and global. She is brutal and beautiful. She is found in cathedrals and across coffee tables. She is both less and more than I was ever taught.

With the taste of communion still on my lips, I joined my voice in unison along with the saints by my side to confess the mystery of belonging, echoing 1 Corinthians 10:17, “We who are many are one body, because we all share in one bread, one cup.”

Each week as I receive communion from the outstretched, still-scarred hands of Jesus Christ through priests, friends, and in the interior sanctuary of my soul, I am broadened to trust that there is a belonging in the Body that will not brutalize our bodies and souls. 

May this broadening be yours as well.

Goodness and Love are still seeking you, in the places you might not expect, among the people you might have previously judged. There is a belonging that is better than being right and a belovedness that is yours no matter how many times you’ve gotten things wrong. 

May the hope of Christ’s kindness stretch over all your scars. Our story is not done.

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Two Kinds of Expectations and Why Only One Sets Our Hearts Free

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True confession: I’m a recovering expectations junkie. Give me a standard, and I’ll try to meet it. Show me how to earn a gold star, and I’ll go for it. This tendency has its perks. It pushes me to get a lot done, for example. But it also has a dark side. No matter how hard I try, it’s impossible to meet every expectation. Can you relate?

God is gently teaching me a new way to live: not trying to meet demands but embracing grace, not reaching but receiving, not striving but letting myself be loved. As my heart is getting freer, my relationships are unexpectedly getting better too.

On a recent episode of the More Than Small Talk podcast, I shared how my favorite song, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, has unexpectedly been part of helping me think differently about expectations.

First, when I listen to it, I hear a musical, modern version of Paul’s words in Romans 8 that nothing can separate us from God’s love — no mountain high enough, no valley low enough, no river wide enough.

This song also reflects how I want to show up in the world for my people. The singer talks about the day he set the person he loves free. I tell my co-hosts Jennifer and Suzie, “When I listen to that, it reminds me to set my people free from the expectations I have for them.”

I want to be free from expectations, yet I still create them for others. We are all expectation factories. I expect things from you. You expect things from me. But this tendency is out of alignment with God’s design. God is calling us only and always to help each other become more of who He created us to be and to live out the calling He has for our lives.

I say to Jennifer and Suzie, “There are two kinds of expectations: We can expect from the people in our lives, or we can expect for the people in our lives.”

Expecting from means I have standards I want you to live up to, even though I may never say them out loud. Expecting from sounds like:

I think you should . . .
I thought you would . . .
Why didn’t you . . . ?

When our expectations aren’t met, we get disappointed or even disillusioned with the people in our lives.

Expecting for means I am setting you free from what I want from you and instead wholeheartedly cheering for you as you become who God made you to be. Expecting for sounds like:

I’m so excited to see what God has in store for you.
I like how you’re different than me.
How can I love and support you right now?

Sometimes we justify our expectations of others by telling ourselves being hard on those we love is just a way to help them improve. But it turns out that isn’t true.

Psychologists have discovered something called “The Michelangelo Effect.” Legend goes that when someone asked Michelangelo how he brought forth his famous David statue from an ordinary block of rock, he responded that he simply chipped away everything that wasn’t David. In the Michelangelo Effect, having people (especially those closest to us) consistently believe in us, cheer us on, and find the good in us actually transforms us.

Professor Aaron Ben Ze’ev says, “Just as Michelangelo saw his process of sculpting as releasing the ideal forms hidden in the marble, close partners sculpt one another to bring each individual nearer to the ideal self, thus bringing out the best in each other. In such relationships, we see personal growth and flourishing reflected in statements like: ‘I’m a better person when I’m with her.'”

Expecting for instead of from means we offer encouragement instead of criticism, cheers instead of nagging, belief instead of disappointment.

How do we live this out? The next time we find ourselves about to criticize someone in our lives, we can pause and pray, “God, help me see this person as You do.” The heart of God can show us the “David” in the moments our human eyes can only see an ordinary block of rock.

Sometimes the person we most need to see differently is ourselves (especially if you’re a recovering expectations junkie like me). Rather than focusing on our flaws, God reminds us we’re welcome as we are right now. Instead of placing demands on us, He invites us into intimacy with Him. In place of expectations, He’s ready and willing to give us abundant grace.

There still ain’t no mountain high enough, no valley low enough, no river wide enough to keep His love from getting to us — and He’ll help us pass it on to each other too.

Listen to more encouragement from Holley through her weekly podcast, More Than Small Talk, that has almost one million downloads.

 

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Wind up or Unwind with Jesus, but Don’t Get Wound Up

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I meet with a spiritual director every month. She’s a Jesus-loving woman who sits down with me and helps me sort through all of the wild trails that have been blazed over the last few weeks, clearing a path forward and challenging and encouraging me in my walk with Jesus. She’s known me for years and as a result can tell where my mind is going sometimes before even I can.

When I met with her recently, it was a normal afternoon, and I felt there wouldn’t be much to report to her. It wasn’t quite a dry patch but more of a plateau that I felt in my heart. My relationship with God was fine, but nothing major or notable seemed to be going on — or so I thought.

Then, as we sat down and dug in, I felt in my gut a whole lot of things rising to the surface. There was anxiety and insecurity and anger and sadness and confusion that had been bubbling for a long while without me even knowing, and I found myself getting, well, wound up. I was a flurry of emotions, and suddenly when I thought about my career or my writing or my relationships, it was more of a tsunami than a simple wave to ride. Everything felt overwhelming and in my effort to try and make sense of it, I was getting more and more stuck. What do I do next? What am I supposed to be doing now? Am I in the right place? Is my calling something else?

The questions kept winding me up tighter and tighter until she gently asked me to take some deep breaths and spend time in prayer.

Ten minutes later, I let out a sigh and said, “What I need is a windup or to unwind with Jesus — not to get wound up.”

The image that came to mind is that of a pitcher in a baseball game. They do not haphazardly throw a ball, but rather they move their bodies intentionally to create forward motion and pitch the ball where it needs to go. We call it The Windup. In a similar way, I found myself desiring to be intentional in my efforts with Jesus and leaning into whatever it was He had for me. But I almost missed it because I wasn’t winding up; I was getting wound up. I was running myself ragged rather than abiding with Jesus. I was trying to solve every step rather than taking the next step on purpose.

I wasn’t giving myself space to unwind either — to sit down and rest with God, allowing His voice to fill the quiet places. I longed to just sit with Him and let the fears and concerns go for a moment.

So often, we live in the place of getting wound up instead of listening to the call to unwind (or abide with Jesus like John 5:14 encourages) or wind up (or set our hearts on Jesus with intentionality like Colossians 3:2 says). We think we’re doing what’s good for our hearts, but maybe we’re asking the wrong questions or going into a quiet time with a laundry list of things to rant about. And certainly, Jesus can handle our rants. But perhaps when we pause to pray and make room to be intentional, we can hear God better than when we wind ourselves up for no real reason.

Jesus can carry us, friend. Go find Him, wind up and unwind.

 

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Three Life-giving Ways to Encourage Those We Love Most

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The sign for an all-women’s gym near my home always snatches my attention when I drive by:

Strong Girls Lift Each Other.

The words of that bright pink sign usually send my thoughts scampering down bunny trails (but hardly about anything related to fitness or personal training). What does it mean to be strong? Why should I, and how can I, uplift the women in my life?

If you’re anything like me, you have a hard time brushing off the harsh, thoughtless words from people you care about or forgetting hurtful actions by friends. And while you might have come to grasp that “hurt people hurt people,” it is painful to be left out, forgotten, or on the receiving end of a verbal assault, even if you know it comes from a place of insecurity, envy, or plain old lack of consideration. Unkind and especially mean-spirited words or deeds may not draw blood but they still cut deep. Even exchanges with strangers — an impatient waiter, a rude cashier, the less-than-helpful DMV clerk — can leave you frustrated or furious if you aren’t thinking beyond yourself.

In the fractured and polarized world we find ourselves in, it’s helpful to remember the dog-eared sentiment attributed to Reverend John Watson: “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.” Those battles can range from personal offenses and cross words to crippled relationships, illness, financial hardship, or job insecurity. People are lugging around a ton of invisible baggage, and I’m convinced we can help lighten the load.

What if we approached every encounter with our family, friends, and neighbors as if we had the power to make it better?

What Jesus has done for us through His life, death, and resurrection makes it possible. The power of the Holy Spirit working in and through us transforms us to be like Christ. We’re different as a result, and we’re able to live out what is asked of us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to “encourage one another and build one another up.”

Darlings, encouragement is a secret power. Have you ever thought about that? It can mend a bruised heart, disarm hostility, and diffuse tension. Sometimes kindness is all a person needs to feel better. A kindhearted word of encouragement has the potential to brighten someone’s day.

When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would have a “Power Hour” where, one by one, they’d take turns affirming one another, speaking words of encouragement to counter all the junk and negativity that would find themselves into their teenage heads and hearts. More recently, I was among a group of friends, and time was set aside to speak truth and encouragement over one another. No matter what we brought into that room, each of us left that space buoyed by the precious words poured into us. As we lifted each other up, we were building muscle, becoming stronger in ways that would carry us back into places that aren’t always so kind.

When we encourage one another, we reflect the heart of Jesus and honor God. These are three of the most life-giving ways others have encouraged me and what I try to do likewise:

  1. Tell them how you see Jesus in them. I cannot overstate how powerful this is to hear. We receive a million negative messages a day — some are self-inflicted — and the positive affirmation of someone seeing Christ’s qualities in us makes us want to be even more like Him.
  2. Give them the freedom to share their struggles, pain, and insecurities without trying to fix what’s broken. Have you ever seen listening as encouragement? It is. And it’s not passive either. Listening without offering remedy requires restraint. Allowing someone to pour out their heart and loving them without feeling the need to judge or fix them is one of the kindest, most unselfish things you can offer.
  3. Celebrate their joys and successes wholeheartedly. Someone else’s gains don’t mean you’ve lost, but if we’re honest, sometimes it feels that way. When people are wholeheartedly for you, you know it, but we also know when people are half-heartedly for us, don’t we? By centering on the one who has reason to celebrate, we resist the temptation to focus on ourselves and believe lies of scarcity that simply aren’t true.

Women whose strength is in the Lord can empower others by encouraging them.

What is one way you’re inspired to lift each other up today?

 

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God Meets Me Through the Ocean Waves

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My one request for my forty-fifth birthday was to go to the ocean. 

My husband Shawn and my three daughters took me to a little beach town along the central coast of California called Cambria. I didn’t realize until we arrived that this was the same town my late husband Ericlee took me for my birthday almost twenty years ago. 

The memories flooded back. We were barely married a month when Ericlee told me to pack a weekend bag because he had a surprise for me. We drove three hours and checked into the same quaint lodge near the coast.

Suddenly, I was a twenty-something married girl again, walking along the ocean hand-in-hand with my love. We had our whole lives ahead of us. We made footprints in the sand and dreamed of what our lives might be like in twenty years when we had kids, ministry, and full careers. I never imagined he would graduate to heaven ten years later.

Not long after he died, I went to the beach, and while my young daughters built sand castles, I watched the waves for hours. The rushing waters flowing in and out brought me surprising comfort. God welcomed my tears, my questions, and my fears as I burrowed my toes in the sand and wondered what my future would hold. 

The ocean has been my place of refuge since I was a young girl, when I would sit before the crashing waves and write poetry. Maybe it’s my Polynesian/Pacific Islander heritage or the fact that our family would make a point of going to the beach when we traveled for family vacations. The ocean has always been a place of grounding, a place where I feel most at home and closest to God. 

Psalm 19:1 tells us the heavens declare the glory of God, but I believe the ocean is part of that same symphony too. Somehow I always get lost in the swirl of colors — the dance of the deep navy swell with the turquoise waters before the ocean lifts her head to kiss the azure sky and melt back into the arms of the sapphire blue horizon. 

God meets us in the nuanced glory of the water and waves. 

The ocean speaks of God’s awesome power. The prophet Jeremiah reminds us: “This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar — the Lord Almighty is his name” (Jeremiah 31:35 NIV). This prophecy reminds us that God is the one who controls creation. He can stir up the waters and harness tsunamis because He created it all in the first place.

I can’t help but think about that story in the New Testament when Jesus was taking a nap in the boat on the Sea of Galilee. When a wild storm rears its ugly head on the water, the disciples wake Him trembling with fear.

Jesus responds, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then He gets up and rebukes the wind and waves, and suddenly there’s a great calm (Matthew 8:26 NLT). Jesus demonstrates His power over nature right after He heals several people.

God is at once the masterful Creator, our loving Father, the ultimate Judge, and our caring Shepherd. 

Back on the shore in Cambria for my forty-fifth birthday, I marveled at the ways God had met me through the years at the ocean and how my dreams had unfolded. My daughters, who are now ten, thirteen, and sixteen, napped and read books with me. They are ocean girls too — at home in the salty air and dancing in the waves. 

In many ways, I’m living the life I dreamed of twenty years ago, but the waters I had to navigate to get here were nothing like I’d imagined. 

God speaks in whispers, through the wind, and through the waves, and I’m deeply grateful for the ways God calls me to remember these moments and experience His presence every time I return to the ocean.

Friend, do you have a special place or a part of nature that helps you connect with God? Please share in the comments below!

For weekly stories and resources on how to discover more of God’s glory, subscribe to Dorina’s Glorygram here or follow her on Instagram.

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

The Gift — and Superpower — of Being an Empath

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On a whim one Saturday afternoon, my husband and I decided to go see a movie — something we hadn’t done together in months. As we settled into our seats, I was already primed to thoroughly enjoy the experience. Between the excitement of a rare date night and my anticipation for a movie I’d looked forward to watching for months, odds were that I was going to have a good time.

What I didn’t expect, though, was how much more I would enjoy the movie because of the woman sitting next to me.

Right as the previews were starting, an older couple sat in the seats to my left. As each trailer wrapped up, the woman whispered loudly to the man next to her, “Do you want to see that one?” I’ll admit I started feeling nervous she might ruin the evening by talking through the movie, but I’m glad to say I didn’t need to worry.

Instead, my fellow movie-goer elevated the whole night by gasping in excitement and surprise and laughing loud and hard at every single joke. She had the best time, and I could almost feel her delight radiating in my direction. Sitting next to someone who so thoroughly enjoyed the movie made me like the movie that much more.

That evening has stuck with me and has come to mind several times since. And each time, I’ve felt thankful. I often pick up and absorb other people’s emotions, but it’s not always such a positive experience. As an empath (someone who detects and sometimes even takes on other people’s emotions more often and more intensely than others), I’ve at times found myself consumed by the negative emotions someone else is experiencing and unable to easily recalibrate my own feelings.

Having such little control over my emotions has actually been a source of shame for me — so much so that I’ve never talked or written about being an empath because I’ve believed it somehow made me weak. I remember reading once that it’s better to be a thermostat than a thermometer, that a woman following Jesus will set the temperature for the people around her, creating a calm, joyful, peaceful, content atmosphere rather than reacting to what’s going on around her and being tossed about by the whims of emotion.

In other words, somewhere along the way, I learned it was less godly to be influenced by feelings — and it seemed reasonable to assume that went doubly for feelings that weren’t even my own.

Maybe you’re reading this and wondering where on earth I got those ideas. Of course you can have lots of feelings! What a weird thing to feel bad about!

Or perhaps you don’t relate to someone experiencing intense emotions on a pretty regular basis. Wow, that must be exhausting to be so up and down all the time!

But for those who’ve ever felt ashamed of being too emotional or for getting too invested in someone else’s gladness or grief, I want to share what God’s been showing me.

As I’ve started learning more about empathy and being an empath, I’m realizing that this way that God has made me can’t be bad. He created me and you; therefore, all of our “wonderfully complex” (Psalm 139:14 NLT) and unique traits are His workmanship. Maybe, in fact, an ability to sense other people’s emotions and to feel them deeply is a gift.

When I go to Scripture for clarity about this, I find lots of reminders to stay rooted in and focused on God. He is our foundation, the thing that keeps us from truly spinning out of control. Yes, may it be so! But even while we abide in Him and build our lives on Him, instructions for loving others repeatedly require us to get our whole hearts (and our emotions) involved.

Both Ephesians 4:32 and 1 Peter 3:8 urge us to be tenderhearted with one another, and Colossians 3:12 says we must have compassionate hearts. We’re reminded in 1 Corinthians 12:26 that when one member of the body of Christ (the Church) suffers, all suffer. And Romans 12:15 puts it plainly: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

If that’s not a reason to embrace and practice empathy, I don’t know what is!

Rather than feeling guilty for being overly sensitive or too emotional, I’m seeing now that being perceptive and responsive can allow us to connect deeply with people and quickly desire to help when they’re in need. God can work through our empathy to make us safe spaces for people with heavy burdens. And being a real touchy thermostat, who’s also grounded in hope in the Lord, means we can pick up on cues that others may overlook and have the opportunity to care for those who may be neglected.

Feeling all my feelings — and sometimes yours too — is my superpower. What’s yours? How has God used empathy (or whatever your superpower is) to help you love others well?

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Let Scripture Be a Part of Your Every Day

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Scripture — we need it every day. Here at (in)courage, we love to share stories from our lives that have a gospel takeaway. That’s the basis of our articles, our podcast, our books and studies, and even our agenda planners. Scripture — and how we experience God’s Word in our lives — is the foundation of it all. We know you want your lives to be Scripture-based, and we want to help.

Friends, we have heard your love for planners. You’ve told us that you’re looking at your planner every day, using it for task organizing, to-do lists, meal plans, and even using it to connect with Jesus because our planners include Scripture on every page! Did you know our planner includes a Bible reading plan? Scripture on each monthly and weekly spreads? There are stickers reminding you to pray and stickers you can write prayer requests on. There’s even a whole page of beautiful tear-out prayer and Scripture memory cards you can share with a friend too!

In every month of the new (in)courage planner, you’ll be introduced to a different theme that reflects God’s heart for you, and you’ll get to read an excerpt of a story from a different (in)courage writer just like these:

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.
Romans 12:4-6 (ESV)

From Robin Dance: “God created us unique for a reason — His glory. Our differences and diversity reveal God’s complexity and imagination and the special ways He intends for us to reflect His goodness and grace and glory to a world in need. . . . The Body of Christ and our world need us to live our respective stories as each one of us is uniquely designed to fulfill.”

—

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. 
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

From Patricia Raybon: “We can run from the Bible, with both its whispers and roar, or we can stand in God’s story in the storms of life, learning to hear all of it, even when we just want quiet and rest. That respite is in there, for certain. But God invites us into His whole story, preparing us to hear each other’s — not just the bite-sized, easy-to-swallow versions but His whole story and our own, even when we may disagree. May the complexities of learning from every part of the Bible — and through the stories shared here — ignite our hearts to surrender. Then, we can love.”

—

 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.
John 1:14 (NLT)

From Michelle Reyes: “God didn’t give us gifts of color and culture so we would pretend they didn’t matter. Jesus with His brown skin, poor skin, lonely skin, targeted skin, villainized skin, arrested skin, wounded skin, and resurrected-but-still-scarred skin made every color and culture of humanity matter. He gave each of us our colors so we can learn how to recognize and discover the breadth and width of His perfect love in our diversity.”

This 2022-2023 agenda planner also provides classic DaySpring planner features like durable laminated cover and tabs, lay-flat design with continuous spiral, an interior pocket page, and generous space for noting your plans. No matter what season of life you are in, prioritizing and planning help make the most of your time.

You will be inspired by the beautiful monthly art spreads, weekly verses, and inspirational messages throughout. The notes section with lined pages will help you write down quick thoughts to come back to, the tear-out prayer and Scripture cards will encourage your heart, and again, there are three pages of cute stickers you can write on to help bring your planner some extra joy!

Plan and walk through your days with this Scripture-based planner, knowing that when we include His Word even in the cracks of our day, God multiplies its goodness in our hearts and lives.

Pick up your (in)courage One Heart for Jesus Agenda planner today!

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Put Your Expectation in God and You Won’t Be Disappointed in People

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I pull up to the microphone box and place my order. In the short distance to the drive-thru window, I anticipate that when I reach the window, a server will greet me, lean from the window towards my car, and deliver my food to me. The ask and anticipation is pretty standard. It’s the drive-thru norm. We order from the menu, then expect to receive what we asked for. We ask, then we anticipate. 

I am ninety-eight percent certain that the fast food server will deliver precisely what I asked for. However, I recently came to understand that I have far less confidence in God’s desire or ability to give me what I ask for. As with the drive-thru microphone box, I ask, yet my follow-up indicates that I’m not certain God will provide what has been promised. Yikes!

I noticed this unhealthy and harmful behavior as I watched a character on a TV show hustle, fight, scheme, and plot to manifest her dream, which happens to be similar to mine. I was reminded that I did not have to do any of what she had to do. Her struggle was extreme and excessive. In my case, not only did God offer me my dream, He also meticulously provided at every turn in order to manifest the dream. God was faithfully present in every detail, opening doors, sending people to help, and guiding me forward. 

As I reflected on God’s faithfulness, I saw how my lack of faith caused me to needlessly labor and suffer. Many times, instead of asking and then anticipating God to deliver, I attempted to forge my way forward. This is like asking at the microphone box, then getting out of my car, going inside to the kitchen, leaving the kitchen to run next door to the grocery store to pick up extra ingredients, returning to the restaurant, cooking my own food, and then serving it to myself. You see, I am great at ordering from God’s menu but need to get significantly better at expecting God to give me precisely what I asked for.

I have committed too much time and energy — that could have been devoted to resting, listening, and abundantly living — to trying to figure out the hows, whens, whos, and wheres. For example, I realized I put specific expectations on my husband to help me meet goals. As my life partner, I assume he would be eager to participate. When his support doesn’t look the way I think it should, I become disappointed in him and frustrated with him. As a result, resentment and criticism begin to cloud my vision. False expectations, disappointment, resentment, and criticism are never a part of what God offers or what I ask for, yet I invite them to my experience.

Jesus taught His disciples that when they are aligned with God’s will, they can ask and confidently anticipate that God will give them what they requested. He said in John 15:7, “But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!”

When we abide in Jesus and align ourselves with God’s will, then our requests will align with God’s vision for our lives. 

Abide.
Ask.
Anticipate. 

It’s just that simple — as simple as the drive-thru. According to Jesus, when I am ordering from God’s menu, I can expect my requests to be met. I place the order and anticipate that God will give me what I asked for. This is God’s normal. Surely, this can be my normal, too. 

I really want to have just as much, if not more, confidence in God’s willingness to give me what I ask for as I have in the drive-thru process. I want to leave behind the unhealthy and harmful behavior of asking for a God-sized dream then attempting to manifest it myself, while hurting others in the process. Instead of placing God-sized expectations on people, I want to always look to God for the ask and first for help. God is fully capable of providing for His vision for my life. He will even invite people to help me. When I put my expectation in God, I will not be disappointed in people. 

May we have more confidence in God’s faithfulness than we have in the drive-thru process. May we faithfully abide, ask, and anticipate so that we can rest in God’s assurance. May God’s normal be our normal.

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

The Hard Work of Coming Back to Life

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Spring in Minnesota is kind of gross.

It seems that from March until May, Instagram is full of daffodils, cherry blossoms, sunshine, dewdrops, wildflowers blooming in green grass, playgrounds and soccer games, baseball fields and patio dinners.

Meanwhile, here in my beloved state of Minnesota, spring is . . . delayed. It’s cold, wet, gray.

My mudroom is laden with galoshes, raincoats, thick hats, winter boots, hoodies, puffy jackets, and mittens. We need all the things because in the span of a week (or a day) we will need combinations of all of the above. March brings a raw chill you feel in your bones; March is still winter. April brings showers, yes, but the gray, drizzly, cold kind that turns the ground, finally unearthed from snow cover, into thick, stodgy mud. April is Easter egg hunts indoors and parkas over taffeta dresses to church. May brings the hope of an even keel, and yet we can go from sixty-three degrees and rainy to ninety-two with tornadoes — in one day. It can snowstorm in May, and it can also be sunny and mild, beautiful like it was fifteen years ago on my May wedding day.

We just don’t know what the weather will bring, so we count on spring to arrive by June. June is when we join the rest of Instagram, four months too late, in sharing our wildflower and soccer game pictures. June is when we sit out on patios, dig our garden beds, and open up our pools. June is when we wash and put away the winter gear. Doing any of that before June is a wild act of defiant hope.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Minnesota. Our summers are hot and sunny, our autumns are breathtakingly beautiful and crisp, and our winters can be fun and cozy (In the winter, we like to live by the saying “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.”). But even with my love for our distinct four seasons, I have to admit our springs are just kind of gross.

Until June.

By June, the growing things have done the hard work of coming back to life. My hostas return, year after year, pushing up through barely unfrozen ground and old mulch and leaves left unraked from the fall. They’re such simple plants, but they truly amaze me with their persistence. I think of them wintering under snow and ice, soaking in the spring rains via the muddy ground, feeling the dry warmth of early summer, and up they come to bless us with their lush, green leaves. I don’t do a single thing to help them along, and maybe that’s why they blow me away each year.

And oh, what they teach me about returning, about faithfulness, about determination and purpose, about coming back and coming back to life.

Because it’s not linear, returning to life. The soul has to breathe, in and out, learning to trust and choose the light. It’s not a one-time happening. We have to choose coming back to life each and every day. Some of us have to choose each and every hour, minute, breath.

Jesus was — and is — in the business of bringing things back to life. Not just the actual dead people He resurrected, though those miracles are mind-blowing. He also raises us up when we feel buried, when our souls are quiet and our hearts barely beat.

The other day, I came across a quote that made my eyes well instantly. I’d read it before, underlined it in my old copy of a favorite book. But this time it made me think of my Jesus and His life-giving-ness.

Her fingers came back to life with tingling pain. “You’re hurting me!”
“Then you’re feeling again,” her father said quietly. “I’m afraid it is going to hurt, Meg.”
— Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

After a long, cold, snowy Minnesota winter, I had my first outdoor walk a couple of weeks ago. It felt like a small way I was coming back to life, and yet it hurt. My calf muscles burned, my breath was ragged, and as I rounded the corner to home I realized that even my feet were sore. And yet, it all felt like good pain, if there is such a thing. There is pain in coming back to life, but underneath it is a quiet and indefatigable joy.

It can hurt to be resurrected. Beauty from ashes hurts because fire first burns. I would wager that both Lazarus and Jairus’ daughter were not without scars from their deaths or fear from their resurrections.

We too can harbor old pain, wounds, and fears, but Jesus breathes new life, right into our very bones. And like my doggedly persistent hostas willing themselves through the ground once more to meet the light, we too can be brought back to life.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Show Me, Don’t Just Tell Me

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Recently, I decided to get a personal trainer and commit to exercising regularly. The pandemic had hit me hard. I am an emotional eater so I’d had a lot of splurge nights. All of it had left me feeling tired, and I knew I needed more energy to keep up with my work, my ministry schedules, and my two kids.

I also knew I needed to invest in a trainer in order to fully commit and have accountability if my plan was going to last longer than all the other times I’d tried working out. But I am not a gym person, which is crazy because I basically work in a gym as a physical therapist. I know the benefits of exercise, and I prescribe exercise to people all day long. Even though I have a doctoral degree in physical therapy, I struggle to actually exercise. I don’t make time to work out because it’s never been a natural rhythm in my everyday life.

Growing up in an Indian home, exercise was not a value. I never played sports or saw my parents make time to prioritize exercise — probably because they never saw their parents do it either.

It makes sense though. In their generation, most people in India ate fresh produce and organic meat that they raised. They also walked everywhere. But after immigrating to America, their lifestyle and food choices changed, and unfortunately, they didn’t then incorporate the measures needed to maintain good health through exercise.

Here’s what I know: What I do, the patterns of my life, the values I hold, the rhythms I practice as a parent will directly impact the way my children will live. Knowledge isn’t enough; they need to see me live it out in order for them to desire and do it in their own lives.

God became man and dwelt among us to show us how to actually live out the commands of God. In the person of Jesus, God didn’t just come and tell us what to do; He came and showed us what to do and how to do it.

Jesus’ call to His disciples wasn’t simply to know His teachings and believe in Him. Rather, it was a call to follow Him. He invited them into His daily rhythms and routines. He didn’t just command them to love strangers and sinners; He took them with Him as He sat with prostitutes and tax collectors. He didn’t simply tell them to pray for the sick and minister to the poor; Jesus showed them how when He stopped for blind Bartimaeus and touched the lepers. Jesus didn’t just teach them to love their enemies; He put the ear that Peter had cut off back on the Roman soldier. He didn’t just tell them to care for their families; on the cross, He showed John that Mary was a priority to Him.

Knowing is not the same as doing. Teaching is not the same as practice.

So on Saturday mornings when I go to my workout sessions, I take my kids with me. I want them to see me practice and prioritize my health so that one day they will too.

As parents, discipling our children is one of the greatest privileges we get in life. Don’t simply offer them information to give them knowledge. In order for them to have a flourishing life, they need to gain wisdom by watching you practice what you say.

So what do you want to instill in your children or what do you want to change in the next generation? Is it making Christ a priority in their lives, infusing prayer into their daily rhythms, sitting with strangers to break bread, or asking for forgiveness when they fail? Do it first, then simply ask them to follow you.

I challenge you with this confident charge that Apostle Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 11:1:“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Church Is Not About Me

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In the beginning we sat near the back. I would have said it was because of our young son — just in case we needed to go to the nursery to check on him. But if I’m honest, it was because I wanted to be closer to the exit.

My husband and I were visiting a new church for the first time in many years. We’d been at our previous church for over a decade, and when we left, it had been under painful circumstances. As I considered joining — really joining — a new church, I couldn’t help but wonder, What if we commit ourselves here only to be hurt again?

We continued to show up week after week, but I continued to plant one foot squarely by the door. Sure, on the outside I chatted warmly and even agreed to help lead a women’s Bible study. But on the inside I felt stiff — like I was wearing a suit of armor.

And then I met Jessica.

She was about my age with searching eyes, a gentle voice, and a set of difficult circumstances. She came to Bible study each week with an eagerness that was palpable. Jessica wanted to learn, and she knew she needed Jesus.

One week when we divided into smaller groups to discuss a passage from 1 Corinthians, one of the women stated how grateful she felt for the sanctification process. Most of the others nodded in agreement, except for Jessica. Her eyes clouded with confusion, and she began pouring over her Bible.

“Ladies, let’s back up a second,” I said. “Let’s clarify what sanctification means. Who would like to explain it to us?”

For the next few minutes, the women shared their understanding of the term, opening to different passages in the New Testament to illustrate. At first Jessica listened quietly, but then she began asking questions, and soon, a wave of understanding crossed her face. She smiled and left the study that morning with fresh confidence — in both her understanding of the Bible and in Christ’s promise to make her more and more like Him.

And that’s when it hit me: Church is not about me. It is about sharing the love of Jesus with others.

In my hurt and disappointment, I had made the church into a community that owed me something. If I pour out my time, energy, and heart, then I expect good in return. However, this was not Jesus’ approach at all. Rather, He chose to love the Church no matter the return.

And if I really wanted to be the Church — the very body of Christ to a broken world (1 Corinthians 12:27) — then I would need to love it as He did.

I drove home from Bible study with fresh eyes. Yes, there would be pain in the Church on this side of heaven, but I could trust Jesus to carry me through any circumstance. As Isaiah 49:10 declares, “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Piece by piece I began to lay down the walls of defense around my heart, asking Jesus to heal the tender places. And for the first time in a long while, I exhaled — not because I felt better, but because my awe in the goodness of God outweighed the hurt that had been holding me back.

Maybe you’ve experienced pain in the church, too. Maybe you find yourself reliving past hurts, reluctant to step wholeheartedly into new relationships or serving opportunities. If this is you, I encourage you to lay your wounds before our heavenly Father and lean on His promise to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3). You may need to meet with a counselor, seek to resolve a past hurt, or set a boundary for your safety. Whatever it takes, your brave work toward healing will be worth it.

And when you are ready, ask God to fill you with courage for the good work He has set before you (Ephesians 2:10). Stepping out may feel vulnerable and hard, but because of our Savior — the One who upholds us — we can choose lives of courageous love over self-protection.

The Sunday after Bible study that week, I slid into my usual pew toward the back of the sanctuary, but something in me felt lighter. I was free — not from the sting of hurt but from the weight of shielding myself from it. Trusting Jesus with my heart, I took a deep breath. Lord, I’m all in. 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Holding Space for the Person You’ve Become

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The doctor looks up from her file and asks me how long it’s been since I’ve had blood work done. I don’t remember. I know it’s been more than six years since I went to the doctor regularly, and I tell her this as my shoulders slump. In the weeks leading up to finding a new doctor, I told my husband I couldn’t put a finger on why I avoided doing this tiny thing to care for myself for so long these past few years. On one hand, as a mom of three, there’s always something to do to care for others and this was often my mental excuse. Making an appointment repeatedly fell to the end of my to-do list. Hypocritically, while pushing it to the end of the list until it eventually fell off, I encouraged those I love to take care of themselves and to listen to their bodies. I cross my legs then uncross them as my new doctor types in notes on her computer. She is soft-spoken and petite; her gentle eyes speak for the rest of her face as we talk to each other through our masks. She asks if I’ve had a mammogram since I’m over forty and I think back to that milestone birthday, the summer before COVID, and how I had intended to make an appointment for one way back then. Our bodies being carried through the passage of time, experiences, and relationships is a dance of welcome, resistance, and surrender. Sometimes the dance feels beautiful, but most of the time, at least for me, it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and clumsy. The minute I feel comfortable in my own skin, it changes again. Last month, I went on a trip to Cabo with fellow (in)courage writers, and the weeks leading up to the trip, I was so anxious about being with so many people in a new place after becoming used to being at home with my immediate family for so long. In a message thread pre-trip, I shared how anxious I was feeling, and my friend Rachel wrote and said something like, “We are ready to see and be with you — and not just who you were before but who you’ve become.” Her words of welcome beckoned me to ask myself if I was ready to see and be with the person I’d become after the last two years. I realized that I didn’t want to schedule a doctor’s appointment and then be asked about blood work and mammograms because I hadn’t fully received who I’d become. I am not merely a woman facing midlife; I am a woman who’s faced nights without sleep, dark doubts, hurt, and anger. I am a woman who’s wrestled against bitterness throughout the last two years of church transitions, soul-sucking news headlines, changes in relationships, and changes within myself. I am a woman who is weary and unsure of how to welcome all of the weariness within me. I push my Nikes into the silver footrest protruding from the patient bed while the white paper crinkles under my weight, and I think about how many places my ever-changing body has taken me and how it’s carried me home again and again. I wiggle my toes to remind myself to be in my skin and to wake up to what is. I whisper a prayer, asking Jesus, our God who comes near, the master of being with us right where we are, “Help me welcome who I’ve become. Let me experience Your love for my body, mind, and heart right now.” I watch the blood work vials fill up, and I remember how Jesus offered His own blood not only to give me life but to welcome every part and year of me. I recall His words in Matthew 11:28 while sitting in the cold hospital room, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest,” as if He’s right there with me, arms wide open to all of midlife, pandemic-changed me. Jesus welcomes weariness. He knew we would become weary, and He knows what it’s like to feel the weariness we feel deep in our bones. He doesn’t chastise or shame us for it. Jesus never said, “Try harder, do better, or get back to who you were in body, mind, or spirit.” Instead, Jesus offers a consistent place to rest our weary hearts. Jesus, the one who often had nowhere to rest His own head, calls us towards Himself, welcomes who we have become, and says, “It’s okay. I see you. Let me feed you and give you rest.”

 How have you changed after the last few years and how can you give yourself space to be welcomed, loved, and cared for just as you are today?

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

A Prayer for the Graduate and for the Mom of the Graduate

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A couple of months ago, someone asked me how I was doing in light of my baby girl graduating high school in May. Smiling weakly, I told her I’m doing okay more often than not, but the “not doing okay” parts felt mighty heavy.

If you know me at all, you know this isn’t my first graduation rodeo as my twin sons graduated high school four years ago. But it is my first graduation with the baby of the family, and I find that reality brings with it more complicated feelings. In the words of my good friend Aimée, “Sending your first born off is like picking at a Band-Aid, and then sending your baby out into the world rips the Band-Aid off all together.”

Yep, that about sums it up.

Of course, I’ll miss Faith no more than her brothers. But when she leaves, her daddy and I will be ushered into a whole new stage of parenting known as Empty Nest-dom. All in all, I’m looking forward to this life change as it’s a very good one, yet my heart is tender toward the losses that come alongside the joys.

If that’s you too, mama, I offer you this:

A Prayer for the Graduate and for the Mom of the Graduate

Dear Father in Heaven,

No matter where my child is headed next — trade school, immediate employment, or college — I thank You that Your presence goes with her. Guide her thoughts, motivations, actions, and plans so they’re in line with Yours. Guide her heart to want to follow Yours.

Help her be a light that brightens the lives of those around her, so others may see You around them too.

When my child is stressed and discouraged, give her a hopeful vision of her future and a steadfast spirit in the present. Give her discerning wisdom beyond her still young years for every choice and decision.

Surround her with kind people who are for her, who love her and act in her best interest. Help her to be the same to others.

Give her favor among her professors, teachers, employers, and peers, and help her to be kind and strong.

Thank you that she can’t cross the street without Your presence crossing it with her.

And Lord, when the house feels much emptier than it did before, comfort me and show me Your goodness to come. Help me see my nest not as an empty (or emptier) nest but a changing nest. Help me see and name the good things You still have in mind for me in my new season.

Only You know every way I’ve showed up for her again and again through the years. While showing up for her may look different in this new season, help me keep showing up in the way she needs — no more, no less.

Lord, you know my regrets over the many times I’ve made mistakes in my parenting. When I wish for do-overs, remind me that Your grace fills my gaps and submerges my mistakes. I pray You bring to my mind and my child’s mind all the good memories made through the years, and may we keep them like treasured pebbles in our pockets.

May my child be acutely aware that while she no longer resides under our roof, she’ll always reside in my heart. (In other words, remind her to call her mama!)

Turn my sadness for this season into wonder for Your ways, for it holds wondrously good within it too. I shall see Your goodness in the land of the living. And thank you that no matter what change I experience, it comes with Your same promise of presence — for both me and my child.

In the unchanging name of Jesus,
Amen

If you’re a mama of a recent graduate who’s flitting the nest, Kristen has written The Changing Nest: A Devotional for the Mom of the Graduate just for you. Click here to learn more!

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