Oftentimes when we talk about hospitality, the conversation revolves around the state of our homes. Is hospitality letting people into our sacred ordinary dust and laundry piles? Or is hospitality cleaning, lighting candles, and creating an environment of peace and beauty to restore souls?
Perhaps the answer is both – and neither.
Perhaps hospitality has little to do with the state of my home but everything to do with the state of my heart. Perhaps it’s not a matter of offering a specific environment but of freely offering to wave aside my schedule and give my attentive consideration.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I moved so that he could attend law school. Like most of the people living in our new town, we were young and well-educated, but I felt as out of place as a hippo in a grocery store. While most of the other young women around me were single and brimming over with career ambitions, I was married and soon staying at home with one, and then two, little boys. For many months I felt isolated. Over time, two women drew me out of my loneliness. One was a fellow young mom, Emily. The other woman, Tilde, was my elderly neighbor. To me, these women were the epitome of hospitality, yet I was hardly ever in their homes.
After I met Emily, she began inviting me to join her for bagel runs, walks downtown, and trips to the children’s museum. She invited me into her daily life, showing me the incredible grace of trying to get to know me. My neighbor Tilde would regularly come sit in my backyard and chat. She was an avid gardener. Several times a week, my older boy would traipse over to her yard to help her water pansies and pull weeds and spread compost. As they worked, Tilde, a retired teacher, would gently explain to my toddler what they were doing. Both women opened their everyday lives to me, offering true hospitality.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines hospitable as “given to generous and cordial reception of guests.” Generosity. Cordiality. These are things of the heart. Generosity goes so far beyond mere money. I can be generous with my time, my attention, my food, my encouragement. It means I hold nothing back out of selfish fear. Cordial is such a lovely old-fashioned word. It’s defined as “tending to revive, cheer, or invigorate.” That is what I long for my home, for myself – to be a source of renewed strength and joy for others. I want people to linger on my sofa because it’s where they feel cheered and revived.
When our vision of hospitality hinges mainly on the state of the home, we can make poor judgments about others, assuming they are either lazy or that they care more about spotless floors than people. Truth be told, all of us have tidy houses sometimes and all of us have messy homes sometimes. Some of us are gifted in keeping house, and some of us are better at a host of other things. None of this determines how hospitable we are.
After all, Jesus was the perfect human, so He was the perfect fulfillment of hospitality. He was homeless, and yet He was hospitable. It had nothing to do with the walls around Him. It had everything to do with the way He gently tended the hearts of the people around Him, the way He made time for people and their abundant squabbles, sicknesses, heartaches, and desires.
So let your friends see the pile of dishes that you haven’t had a chance to wash because you were busy kissing away your toddler’s tears. Let them see the muddy footprints trailing to the bathtub. Or scrub those counters and light the candles and set the table exquisitely to bring a bit of peace and loveliness to an oftentimes-grim world. In all of this, it’s our hearts that matter, the generosity we show with our time and our affection, the way we invite the Triune God into our home to revive and invigorate our children, our spouses, our guests. This is hospitality.
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Bev Rihtarchik says
Kristen,
What an excellent point. Too often I default to what does my house look like, but an even better question is what does my heart look like? And just like we don’t have to have perfect homes to invite someone in, we don’t have to have perfect hearts either. I don’t have to have my act completely together in order to reach out to someone else. I don’t have to be free of pain, doubt, worry, etc. In fact, most people want to know that they are not struggling through life alone. We can be generous and cordial AND still have things we are struggling with. That is all part of the human condition. I’ll never forget being brave and sharing with someone I was just getting to know, that I struggle with anxiety and depression. The look on her face (not of horror, but of relief) said it all. I had made a safe place for her to talk about her struggles with it too. Let’s not only “open the door” to our houses, but to our hearts as well. Great post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Kristen Sosebee says
You’re so right, Bev! Love this.
Michele Morin says
“Homeless and yet hospitable.”
What a beautiful reminder from our Lord Himself that we open our hearts to others first. Then, whatever comes next and rises from the motivation of that Christlike heart becomes our practice of hospitality. Our acts of service become a welcome mat into our life.
Kim Kempf says
“Our acts of service become a welcome mat into out life.” Man, what a great line! Wishing that I could write like all of the talented people on this page…. but we all have our own things, right? Blessings to you, Michele!
Kristen Sosebee says
Yes! Service motivated by LOVE is true hospitality!
Kathy W says
Beautiful said…
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you, Kathy!
Sadie says
Kristen.. you are spot on! I’m retired in my 60’s and only know that now… entertaining has always been my source of social ties but it came with crazy exhausting cleaning fits and every one better have been on board with me… and you can imagine the emotional distress.., or hopefully you can’t!
That part of my life is so much better after knowing Jesus 20 years now.. He’s taught me it’s a heart of hospitality and blessings naturally flow to and through me and my guests.. I still clean and love to do the detailing in all areas of my home.. lavish love is what it has become.. I’m known now for that gift of hospitality and encouragement and I praise God it’s because of Him as I get to serve and love on hearts of every age.. you are blessed to have learned that at such a young age.. I’m thinking now if the women who poured into my life and I gleaned like never before… and how I can pour into others and still I glean!
Great post .. keep calm and love on !!
Kristen Sosebee says
I love this, Sadie!
Maylee says
What a needed message… For me, I worry about my house looking a mess when people are over at the house. Does the house smell like stinky socks, is my bathroom decent looking, and do I have enough food. All of these are questions I always ask when others are over. I end up worrying about these things and cannot be a good host. I find myself talking with guest and folding clothes at the same time. It is crazy and I need to learn to be a Mary instead of a Martha. We all need to work on being a Mary. Being present in the moment instead of running around trying to get everything in perfect shape. God loves us for who we are and our friends loves us no matter how many dishes or dust bunnies we have. Thank you for sharing this message.
Kristen Sosebee says
Yes, I think our Lord knew that Martha meant well, but she let her tasks become more important than people. I am prone to that same thing – fixing my gaze on my jobs and not my Saviour! Mary chose to keep her focus where it belonged!
Rosie J Williams says
It had everything to do with the way He (Jesus) gently tended the hearts of the people around him…loved this and the reminder to reach out and not isolate. Even though we long for people to do this for us, it is often “us” that needs to make the first move. Imitating our Savior is the key! Thank you for this sweet post today
Kristen Sosebee says
So, so true. We oftentimes have to take the first step, which can be scary!
karen says
I love your different perspective of hospitality! It is spot on!
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you, Karen!
Joan Moore says
What a beautiful message and one we should all take to heart. It is about Jesus and others, not about ourselves or our home. May this be forever ingrained in my heart and soul!
Kristen Sosebee says
God bless, you Joan! Yes, fixing our gaze outward is so crucial.
Julie Garmon says
Love! Love! Love!
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you, Julie!
Carol says
Well, I have to say that this reading is spot on for me. Four grandchildren and our daughter live with us for five years and the stuff we have collected has kept me from inviting people inside. Now we have nice and I need help wth that but have to over come this fact that there is too much mess for anyone to see. Thank you
Kristen Sosebee says
You were giving your own child and grandchildren the gift of hospitality! God bless you, Carol!
Laura Thomas says
Beautifully said, Kristen! Of course, Jesus was our ultimate example in hospitality— why have I never thought of this before? He had a heart for strangers, the hurting, children, fisherman, and everyone in between. He was certainly in the business of reviving and bringing much cheer 🙂 Thanks for this!
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you so much, Laura!
Rosemarie (HOPE) K. says
Praise YOU JESUS for sending me this lovely message this morn. I am currently tending to my sister, Kathleen who was stricken with Viral Encephalitis (secondary Stroke?) seven months ago and is now living in my home. I am seeing an improved outlook in her care from offering her a home (PEACEFUL=given her a room of her own, simple decor), RELAXING=no children, less noise), and COMFORTING=quiet nights of good sleep) after many months of living in an environment that was lacking in hospitality, sadly. LORD JESUS that you for this message to glean on. Thank you Kristen and God Bless You in spreading the GOODNESS of the LORD in your hospitality in the days ahead – Making this a better and brighter place on earth to live.
Eunice B says
How beautiful, Rosemarie! Praying for you this evening as you offer true hospitality to your sister. XO
Rosemarie (HOPE) K. says
Thank you so much Eunice B for your prayers for me.
Kristen Sosebee says
God bless you, Rosemarie, as you offer your home and care to your sister! What a powerful, precious gift.
Christine says
A truly thoughful message of reaching out and being reached out. Setting aside our fear of not good enough and let the spirit of humility and generosity flows in our heart.
Kristen Sosebee says
Oh yes! Humility is SO key to our hospitality, Christine!
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
Hospitality is about friendships. Don’t worry about having it all together. Most of us don’t. Just be yourself, take off the masks & be real. This world needs more real people. Quit trying to show a perfect version of yourself. Everyone has flaws & insecurities. We are all going through some trials at one point in our life. Find/make friends & go through it with them. Be that safe place others can land. Do as Bev did & tell someone about your trials. You might be a good place to land for them.
Blessings.
Kristen Sosebee says
Blessings, Beth!
Susan Daugherty says
Thanks for helping to broaden my view of hospitality! A wonderful insight, shared so engagingly.
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you, Susan, for your kind words!
Pearl Allard says
Kristen, just wow. I needed this. I kept highlighting a sentence that leapt out and impacted my heart, but then there was another. And another! Generosity’s definition: I hold nothing back out of selfish fear. And the definition of cordial hit me, too. But this most: “It had nothing to do with the walls around Him. It had everything to do with the way He gently tended the hearts of the people around Him…” Thank you for widening my view of hospitality.
Kristen Sosebee says
Thank you for reading, Pearl, and for your encouragement! It’s a gift!
K Ann Guinn says
This is wonderful and true!
I chose to read this and another post I had left open on my computer on this day when I feel the stress of getting everything ready for my church community group here tonight. I have struggled with feeling like things don’t look good sometimes (for various reasons), yet often these friends thank us for opening our home.
Praying I can clean efficiently and focus on hospitality of the heart. I love it.