When it comes to a crisis, the seven most useless words in the English language are “Let me know if I can help.” Because the last thing a person needs when they are in the middle of a crisis is one more decision to make.
Recently, when my husband and I were going through a challenging season physically, we had a number of people tell us, “Let me know if I can help.” And while I love the heart behind those words, the last thing I could do was strategize the “what, when, and how” of support. It was easier to just say, “No, thank you. We’re fine.”
But then, I have other friends who have taken the art of supporting a loved one to a new level.
I have a great friend, Mary, who is the gift card friend. Usually, it’s a DoorDash card, but sometimes she brings one for a local grocery store if there is going to be an ongoing need.
I have one friend, Cheri, who is the drive-by bagel friend. When there is a crisis, she has been known to show up at my house with my Starbucks order (venti skinny vanilla latte) and a dozen assorted bagels with two different flavors of cream cheese. So easy to grab and go when you need something to eat but don’t want to think.
Another friend, Amberly, is the gathering friend. When we first received the diagnosis of our dog Moose’s lymphoma, she gathered a bunch of my friends and created a box with things that Roger, Moose, and I would love. There was cheese and chocolates for the humans, and dog treats and a lamb stuffy for Moose. It was a box of joy, and it was perfect.
My friend Susy and I are the “Soup Friends.” When someone is in need, the only question we ask is, “Would tomorrow at 3:00 be a good time for me to drop off dinner?” Then we show up with soup and the fixings.
Even though I may not be the one in crisis, having soup already decided makes helping so much easier. I have those ingredients on hand, it’s delicious, and I don’t have to make decisions on my end. My friend in need doesn’t need to make decisions on her end. (And yes, I have a backup, vegetable soup, for friends who may be dairy-free or vegetarian.)
Once I’ve made the decision to bring a friend soup, the rest is simple.
- The soup recipe: I have all the ingredients in the pantry or freezer.
- The container: I have a few plastic bowls from the dollar store that I don’t need to get back.
- The dessert: I can usually bake a pan of brownies (in a foil pan) while the soup is cooking on the stove. If not, I will pick up brownies at the store.
- The sides: I stop at the store on the way and pick up a loaf of French bread and a bagged salad that already has the dressing.
- The carrier: If I know the recipient will be home, the whole meal can be packed into a grocery bag. If they might not be home, I pick up a “hot and cold” bag at the store and put a Ziploc bag of ice inside.
The key is, that I’m not dropping off anything that needs to be returned. Again, my goal is to eliminate as many decisions and extra tasks for my friend as possible.
When a friend is in the fight of her life, the verse that stands out is Galatians 6:2 (NIV):
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Because the burden for our friends is not just the crisis, but also the inevitable daily tasks, such as feeding themselves and those around them. Showing up with that extra large bowl of soup eliminates a lot of burdens.
How do we get better at this? What can we do to avoid saying the dreaded “let me know if I can help”?
Create a crisis response plan before the crisis happens. Figure out what kind of friend you will be. The gift card friend? The bagel friend? The soup friend? Then prepare accordingly.
- Squirrel away gift cards when you have extra cash.
- Stock up on the ingredients a little at a time.
- Find out about any allergies or food preferences of the people you’ll be caring for.
- Buy disposable plates, bowls, bags, and other packaging materials.
Oh, and if you need a soup recipe that is a winner, here is my go-to recipe.
Cream of Chicken and Wild Rice Soup
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 60 minutes
Yield: 4 bowls or 8 cups
Ingredients
6 T. unsalted butter
3 celery ribs, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
1½ tsp. finely chopped fresh thyme
½ tsp. fresh rosemary, chopped
Salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup all-purpose flour
1 cup wild rice (5 ounces)
2 quarts chicken stock
2 cups water
4 cups chopped, cooked chicken
1 cup heavy cream
Directions
- In a large saucepan, melt the butter. Add the celery, carrots, onion, garlic, thyme, rosemary, salt, and pepper (I start out with ¼ teaspoon each of salt and pepper and then adjust while simmering), and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables just start to soften, about 10 to 12 minutes. Sprinkle the flour over the vegetables and cook, stirring, until evenly coated and lightly browned, about 3 to 5 minutes.
- Add the wild rice to the saucepan and gradually stir in the stock and water. Bring to a boil, then simmer over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes.
- Add the chicken and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the wild rice is tender, about 10 to 15 minutes.
- Stir in the cream and season with more salt and pepper, if desired.
Carrying each other’s burdens doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does need to be practical. When a crisis hits, bring a latte, fold the laundry, take kids to school, or start a prayer chain. Be the soup friend—or whatever kind of friend God calls you to be!
Ready to become the Soup Friend and master the art of crisis support? Pre-order Kathi’s book, Sabbath Soup today and receive an exclusive bonus: “Soup’s On! Four Weekly Meal Plans to Help You Enjoy a True Day of Rest.”