Simple Steps When Rest Feels Out of Reach

Simple Steps When Rest Feels Out of Reach

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Two weeks ago, I found myself on a beach. I sat on the sand, ordered tacos, and listened to the melody of my friends’ laughter punctuated by the crash of the nearby waves. I thanked God and cracked jokes and closed my eyes and wondered . . .

First of all, what even was my life? But also . . . why was I still so tired?

The weekend after I returned from the (in)courage writers’ retreat, I spent most of one day lying on the couch and watching TV. Then I spent several hours the next day napping, followed up with several hours giving myself a guilt trip.

I’d just returned from three days in paradise, so how could I still be tired?

My soul was certainly refreshed, so why couldn’t I handle “real life” any better than before my trip?

I had some time off and now I had so much to do. What was I doing lying around like this?

I asked myself these loaded questions and more, even though I knew . . .

I knew that I’d barely had a spare minute the past two months, that I’d spent every lunch break making appointments and filling out forms, that I’d worked weekends to make up for those appointments during the week, that this season was just the garbage frosting on a garbage cupcake of several months of constant crisis.

I also remembered the words of a recent counseling session about our need to take regular breaks to bolster and protect our mental health and, therefore, our ability to handle life’s challenges. But the unfortunate truth is that one vacation doesn’t fill our tank for the rest of the year or, depending on your current situation, even for the rest of the month.

It’s almost like we need a rhythm of frequent rest to handle what comes at us day after day.

And we know this, don’t we? We know that God rested (Genesis 2:1-3) and Jesus napped (Luke 8:23). We know we’re called to observe a regular Sabbath, a time set apart for rest and worship (Exodus 20:8-11). So why is it so hard?

Well, sometimes taking a Sabbath is hard because of logistics. We have seasons where it truly feels impossible to carve out a whole day (much less a long weekend or full week) to rest. Sometimes we feel guilty for taking any break at all, knowing just how many items have not been crossed off our lists or how many people “have it worse.” And sometimes we know that if we let down our guard, if we listen for the voice of the Lord, if we take a breath deep enough to fill our lungs, we’re going to break down for a good, long while. And we do not have time for that. So we keep going.

We tell ourselves rest is optional or we haven’t earned it yet or this is just how this season is. And we dig deep into an empty well and attempt to bolster our defenses for one more day.

We just keep going. We keep going until we break.

But, friends, Scripture tells us it doesn’t have to be this way! We don’t have to grit our teeth, clench our fists, and force ourselves forward without a drop of fuel. And we don’t have to feel guilty for needing the rest God took Himself and instructed us to take as well.

“There is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest.“
Hebrews 4:9-11 NLT

How can we do our best to enter that rest? Well, the things that truly replenish your body and soul may vary. But I think we all must start in the same place.

To experience Sabbath, no matter our season or situation, we must first admit that we need it and then give ourselves grace for that need. It’s okay that you’re human! If you’re holding yourself hostage over the belief that you should be superhuman and above needing regular rest, stop it. Accept the freedom and compassion God offered when He created Sabbath in the first place. Receive the rest Jesus promised when He invited all those who are weary and burdened to take on His light yoke instead of the one weighing us down (Matthew 11:28-30).

And then, right where we are, in our real, messy, tiring lives, we need to pause. Relax, reflect, and rest.

Let your to-do list take a break and listen for God. Breathe. Sleep. Soak up the refreshment you need to connect with the Lord and with yourself before returning to your day, your home, your life.

For me, I enter the rest God offers — even in the most hectic, hard seasons — by listening to my Bible app, by snuggling with my sleepy daughter before jumping in the shower each morning, and by taking the long way home along a back road. I receive rest by blocking out distractions when I take communion at church — and protecting my Sunday afternoon nap with a ferocity my family laughs at but respects.

For you, it might be a morning cup of coffee and a favorite devotional, an hour alone in Target, an afternoon hike, or something nobody else would even think of! True rest and the sacred practice of Sabbath take many forms, but each is a gift from our heavenly Father.

How will you enter His rest today?

Listen to today’s devotion below or on your favorite podcast app.

The Gift of “I Don’t Know”

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One of the first times I went to Sunday school, it was a random visit. I’d never been, and as I joined a few other pre-teens around a small table, someone handed me a Bible. I’d never read the Bible before that point, and I don’t remember what we read or what anyone said that morning. I can’t remember a single word. All I remember was not knowing how to find the book and verses we were supposed to turn to. What I remember most was how it felt to not know what was going on.

I never went back to Sunday school after that, even when my family sporadically attended that church during the time we lived nearby.

Years later, I would still carry that feeling around, even after becoming a follower of Jesus, even after becoming more familiar with faith communities and how to navigate the Bible. After all those years, I was still afraid of being found out — that everyone would discover how much I still didn’t know. Despite how committed I was to Jesus, and how much I thought I knew that Jesus loved me, I was afraid of other Christians and what they knew that I didn’t.

I was afraid of all the invisible lines I often felt in Christian circles – and the inside jokes I still didn’t understand.

It’s been decades since then, and in that time, I’ve worked in vocational ministry and left vocational ministry. I’ve been part of a handful of churches near and far from where I call home today. I know most of the things I didn’t understand all those years ago, but I never want to forget what it felt like to sweat in my seat and feel small, clueless, and so far on the outside. In fact, sometimes I look back and see a sweetness to that unknowing. I was so ready to know Jesus’s love; I had no idea then that receiving Jesus’s love had nothing to do with how many Bible verses or inside jokes I knew, or what issues of the day I was supposed to be on one side of instead of the other.

Knowing what it feels like to be on the outside has given me an incredible guide to hospitality – more than any Bible study, event, or ministry ever could.

Not knowing much about how to be a Christian has helped me receive and rely on Jesus’s love in a way that “knowing it all” never could. Sometimes “knowing it all” can be a barrier to Jesus’s love.

In our age of non-stop information, the temptation to know all the things and profess what we know is heavy. I feel a constant pull towards this posture and I see it everywhere I turn, from my own family’s dinner table conversations to conversations in the larger community I live in.

What would it look like to model “not knowing?” What would it look like to relate to others while always keeping Maya Angelou’s wise words in mind, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”?

In a culture obsessed with how-tos and telling others what to do, and in a society obsessed with accolades, levels, awards, and markers of “intelligence,” what would it look like if we lived with deep concern and care for how we made others feel, instead of concern over what we know and who knows more? How could that posture change the atmosphere around our dinner tables, in our classrooms, at the office, on Zoom screens, or in our churches and neighborhoods?

May it be so in my life and yours!

These days, I try to say “I don’t know” as often as I can. And I’ve been praying, “I don’t know” about an ongoing challenge for some time now. And while sometimes I’m bone-weary and angry about it and wish God would show up and answer so I could know why and how and what to do… I’ve been given comfort and presence and room for faith to stretch and grow in God’s nearness in a way that quick solutions and answers could not offer me.

For the longest time, I would look back on that first Sunday school experience and think, “If only I’d known more about the Bible,” or, “If only my parents (or fill in the blank) had explained more or prepared me better, then I wouldn’t have felt so embarrassed or alone in not knowing.” I would focus on how it could’ve been different and how I could’ve blended in better, instead of seeing what not knowing had given me.

Now I know how much of a treasure and compassion-builder it can be to say and pray, “I don’t know.”

I love Jesus’s words to the disciples who were arguing about who was the greatest in the Kingdom of God:

“At about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, “Who gets the highest rank in God’s kingdom?”

For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.”
Matthew 18:1-5 The Message

Not knowing might be hard and it can be incredibly lonely. It might also be just the teacher that shows us how to love deeply and how to recognize the face of Love itself.

Listen to today’s devotion on the player below or on your favorite podcast app!

 

God Won’t Make You Do Burpees, But He Will Do This

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A few times every week, I make my way to the gym.

Depending on the workout, there are times afterward when I can barely get up from the toilet due to aching muscles. Other times, my shaky T-rex arms can’t retrieve a glass from the cupboard, to which my unsympathetic coach responds: “But did you DIE?”

No, I did not die. And yes, the thing that sometimes gets me up in the morning is knowing that my workout will support my queso habit. 

In all honesty, I’m not much of an “athlete.” When I first started working out, I didn’t know what a “burpee” was. I thought it was the sound one makes after a satisfying meal. (It turns out that a burpee is a move that combines a jump, a squat, and a push-up.) Power cleans? That’s a weight-lifting move, but it sounded more like what I do to whip my house into shape before guests come over.

But here I am, years later, still showing up for a legalized form of bodily torture.

(I exaggerate. Sort of.) 

To be candid with you, I used to work out because I wanted to look better in my swimsuit. These days? I work out because I want to do a favor for my future self. I want Future Me to be able to move freely and enjoy a life of physical flexibility. 

In case you are wondering, we at (in)courage did not just morph into a fitness website overnight. I’m sharing this story with you today for a reason: this kind of approach works for our faith lives as well.

Everything you do today to build your faith muscles pays dividends down the road for Future You. You are strengthening your future self through all you do to connect with God.

Every conversation with Him.
Every minute spent in His Word.
Every verse memorized.
Every worshipful act.

It all adds up.

I call it “resourced faith.” It’s like building muscle in a workout. When you build up your faith in the best of times, you have resources of faith to draw from in the most turbulent of times.

That’s true not only when you’re in your 20s and 30s. It’s also true when you’re in your 80s and 90s. Those faith muscles you built years earlier give you needed strength later on. If you’ve ever visited a nursing home, and watched what happens when an old hymn is played, or a familiar Bible verse is read, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Biblical David had a resourced faith like that. He had been growing in relationship with God since he was a child. His faith helped him when he took on Goliath with a sling and a few small stones. And it helped him years down the road when he was running for his life, hiding in caves, and trying to stay one step ahead of his enemies.

In the Psalms, David kept building his faith muscles, kept crying out to God, kept writing down the promises of God.

And when he was old and frail, David remained steadfast. His last words are recorded in 2 Samuel 23:1-7. One last time, he shared the truth about who God is. Here’s part of what he said:

“Is it not my family God has chosen?
Yes, he has made an everlasting covenant with me.
His agreement is arranged and guaranteed in every detail.
He will ensure my safety and success.”
2 Samuel 23:5 NLT

In the end, David could die with peace, knowing God was in control. David’s resourced faith – built over time – sustained David in seasons of trial.

The same can be true for us.

The good news is, it’s never too late to start. Like the best kind of coach, God will meet you where you are, and help you build your faith muscle from there.

Another bit of good news? He won’t make you do burpees.

Listen to today’s article below or wherever you stream podcasts.

This Will Help You See God in Every Season

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For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

I live in Minnesota, usually thought of and referred to as a frozen tundra. Which is entirely accurate for about half the year. But truly, this is the land of four distinct seasons. Our summer, autumn, winter, and spring seasons are each beautiful in their own unique ways, and living here for them all helps me see the Lord.

Summer here is hot. Humid. The bugs come out (especially the dang mosquitos) but so do the birds. Loons can be heard calling sweet and strong across our many enormous lakes. In the summer people flock “up north” to cabin country, gather in backyards for cookouts and bonfires, and meet up in neighborhood parks and pools. The sun sets glorious, the sun rises early, and the days between are sticky with heat and melted popsicles.

Autumn blazes a trail of glory in the now red and orange forests of maple, birch, oak, and elm. The early morning sparkling drops of dew return to still-green blades of grass when the air turns chilly again. Sweaters make their return, pumpkins sit on porches, and orchards open for apple picking. We pray for the harvest and the farmers, rake leaves off lawns, and relish in the return to school and routine. Some of us also rejoice at the return of pumpkin spice everything. 😉

Winter here can be harsh, but it can also be beautiful. I, for one, love it. The bite of the wind, faced while wearing a parka, boots, mittens, and a knit hat. The crunch and glitter of freshly fallen snow. Hot cocoa and lit fireplaces, shoveling each others’ driveways, and kids building snowmen and sledding the day away.

Spring is a welcome respite from the bitter winter, with warmth returning to the undercurrents of the breeze. Annuals and planted bulbs burst through dull earth, and everything seems to sigh as it thaws. Blossoms open slowly on flowering trees, rain washes away the dust and refreshes the gardens, and we pull on galoshes and raincoats to stay dry. The sun seems to shine a little brighter, warming front porches and our hearts.

His glory is on display in each and every season — if we just remember to look for it. And when we look, when our eyes stay open to seeking His glory, we remember that Jesus came for us all — all the time. In the grey days of November. In the summer heat of August. In the slushiness of March and the blossoms of May. When we’re looking for Him and when we’re running from Him. When our hearts are soft and open, and when they’re hard and closed.

In all seasons of the year and of our lives, Jesus comes for us. He welcomes us wholly at any time, in any space, in all of our seasons.

Be reminded that you can see the Lord in all seasons with our brand new(in)courage Seeing God in Every Season 18-Month Agenda Planner!This planner provides the classic DaySpring planner features, including a durable laminated cover and tabs, a lay-flat design with continuous spiral, an interior pocket page, and generous space for noting your plans. Ooh, and we LOVE the checkboxes on the weekly lined pages!

The notes section will help you write down quick thoughts to come back to, the fresh and beautifully designed tear-out prayer cards will encourage your heart (or the heart of a friend!), and three pages of adorable stickers you can write on to help personalize your planner with extra color and joy!

In addition to those fantastic features, each month of our planner also includes a story from (in)courage! Yep, each week has a Scripture to focus on, and every month includes a selection from a story by an (in)courage writer, sharing what God was up to in her life and heart during that particular season.

You can scan the QR code beside each excerpt or visit incourage.me/everyseasonto read the full devotions! But here, we’ll give you a sneak peek:

JULY : If God cares so wonderfully for flowers… He will certainly care for you. Luke 12:28 NLT

That day, a bouquet of July ditch flowers was my teacher. I needed to re-learn something I had re-forgotten: God uses ordinary things to show us His extraordinary kindness. – Jennifer Dukes Lee

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SEPTEMBER: I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3 NIV

Teachers are amazing, imperfect, profoundly important people — who need our prayers. “Bless this school year and bless each person who wears the beautiful and noble badge of Teacher. Amen.” – Becky Keife

—

NOVEMBER: I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1 NIV

November is the perfect in-between month. A time to prepare and putter in the kitchen. A time to gather in and come together. A time of expectation of what’s yet to come and thankfulness for what has been. – Anna E. Rendell

This new 18-Month Agenda Planner will truly help you embrace each season. The pages will meet you right in the middle of your busy schedule with encouragement, truth from God’s Word, and space to keep you organized.

AND for a limited time (just two more days), buy the planner and receive a Gold Prayer Board Snap-In Planner Accessory for FREE! The perfect combination for staying organized and inspired this year!

The (in)courage 2024-25 Planner Features:

  • Spiral bound, lay-flat design, laminated cover
  • 3 pages of super-cute stickers
  • 6 perforated tear-out notes to share hope
  • Weekly Scripture to focus on during your quiet time
  • Monthly devotion by an (in)courage writer
  • 18-month planner (July 2024 – December 2025), 248 pages

Get your new planner + FREE prayer board today!

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Grieving What’s to Come While Still Living in the Present

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She sits before me in the teal velvet chair in my bathroom. Methodically, I separate her thick hair — the color of the night sky — into sections. I pin the top half up so I can begin curling the bottom layers.

My fingers fly, winding each smaller section of hair around the curling wand. I let it sit just until it steams a bit. Then I let it go, releasing gently. A springy curl bounces before me.

Separate, curl, release, repeat.

My bedroom is brimming with laughter as half a dozen girls get ready for their Senior Prom. In another chair, one girl is getting her makeup done by a different friend while she chats with my daughter. A couple of girls sit in the corner, catching up near the charcuterie board piled with savory and sweet snacks. Taylor Swift is playing in the background, singing something about holding onto memories and never growing up.

My eyes linger over my oldest girl’s face. Her smooth skin is like a chai latte with those freckles adding just the right spoonful of spice to her creamy brown cheeks. Her midnight eyebrows make a dramatic swoop at the corners, framing her cinnamon eyes.

Suddenly, I’m transported back. I’m holding that newborn baby girl to my breast, tracing her eyebrows with my gaze. Tears stream down my cheeks. Maybe it’s the post-partum hormones, but I can’t help myself. My heart races as I think about bringing a beautiful baby girl into the cruel and often unforgiving world.

What will be her challenges? What heartaches will she face? Will I be able to protect her, love her, raise her as my heart desires?

My heart fills with emotion like an ocean wave — swelling, swirling, and unabashedly spilling into a new season called mothering. I’m at once rejoicing and terrified, teetering with trepidation at the prospect of it all.

That was 17 years ago. And this month, that baby girl is graduating from high school. Time wrinkles and folds. Just yesterday I was nursing her and now she needs me to curl her hair for the prom. In just a few months, she will be leaving for college on the other side of the state.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer at this time 10 years ago, I experienced something I didn’t have language for then. I now know it was anticipatory grief. These are feelings of grief that happen before a loss actually occurs.

When we received his stage four cancer diagnosis, I began to feel a slow ache growing deep inside me. I didn’t know what was to come.

During those months, I slept very little. I cared for my beloved around the clock as the cancer coursed through his body. When friends and family members came to relieve me, I could never really rest because I was so fraught with anxiety. The anticipation of losing him felt somehow weightier.

When he soared to heaven three months after his diagnosis, my oldest girl was only eight. I never dreamed God would use that tragedy to tether all of us so tightly to His heart.

I’ve been in denial for a while, but now I have to name it. The anticipatory grief is starting to return. I wonder if this is how Mary, Jesus’ mother, felt when she held her new baby boy — the Savior of the world — in her arms.

Doctor Luke, in his account of Jesus’s life, gives us some details of how Mama Mary might have been feeling. After Jesus was born and the shepherds and angels came to worship Him, Luke writes that Mary “treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19 NIV).

In the original Greek, the word synetērei translated as “treasured” in Luke 2:19 means “to preserve knowledge or memories (as for later use).” Mary was savoring and storing up these memories of her son.

This same phrase is used in Luke 2:51. After Mary and Joseph cannot find their young son, Jesus, for three days, they discover He has been at the temple among the teachers. Mary may have been distraught in the moment, but looking back she “treasured all these things in her heart” again. She tucked this memory of her boy away in the treasure chest of her mind.

The Greek word symballousa translated as “ponder” in this same passage means to consider or to turn around in one’s mind. I’m learning from Mary’s example — trying not to drown in the waves of grief, but to treasure and ponder what God might be doing in this season of laughter and lament, celebrating and releasing.

I imagine the joy and grief swirled in her heart, ebbing and flowing like ocean waves throughout Jesus’ life. Mary, too, must have experienced anticipatory grief. She may not have understood it all, but she knew her son was born to save and suffer. She mothered, holding His calling in her weathered hands and tender heart.

As we step into a month full of festive awards nights, senior celebrations, and graduation for our daughter, the grief gathers quietly at the base of my throat. I anticipate the loss, but I also celebrate my girl spreading her wings and soaring into her next chapter of life.

Friend, what milestones or memorials will you mark this month? Are you experiencing anticipatory grief in any areas? Share in the comments.

Let’s treasure and ponder together what God might be doing in our midst.

Dorina helps people discover God’s glory on life’s unexpected trails. Subscribe to Dorina’s Glorygram here for reflections, recommendations, and details about her devotional journal, Breathing Through Grief.

Listen to today’s article on the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

 

The Thing We Love Most

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Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.
Romans 12:11-13 (MSG)

There is nothing we love more at (in)courage than clinging to God’s truth together and praying for one another.

Today, we invite you to do three things:

  1. Share a verse in the comments that is encouraging your heart.
  2. Leave a prayer request.
  3. Pray for one or more of the women who commented above you.

“I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.”
Matthew 18:19-20

For the One Carrying a Broken Hallelujah This Mother’s Day

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No one that was there that day knew I was grieving more than the death of my mother.

No one present at her funeral knew I was broken in the grief of losing her, and also shattered by the reality that I had coincidently lost my faith, too. It felt like the foundation of who I was and what I believed had been stolen right from me — gone.

There was no warning, and if there had been, I’m not sure I would have even recognized it. I was in disbelief of the last breaths I witnessed when my mother passed and in confusion for the future that now stood in front of me.

It’s a harsh reality, a broken hallelujah, sitting with the loss of your mother and also the loss of your faith. It’s a loneliness that you cannot describe and one you truly cannot comprehend until you’re sitting with it, encompassed like a new skin, a new version of you that you never asked for . . . one that, in fact, you despise.

The loss of my mother came over time, a fatal diagnosis, though never truly expected. The loss of my faith came sudden and without any kind of indication of what was to come, of what was dissipating.  

The raw truth is that I was angry with God. I was bewildered and hurt by His will for the life of my mother — a life that didn’t last as long as we’d envisioned. I felt betrayed and I felt abandoned. I felt alone. I felt weak. Then I felt ashamed for thinking and feeling all of those things.

In desperate longing, I thought of my mother — a woman with unwavering strength, even when her body was frail and failing. I wanted that strength. I wanted her courage and her resiliency. I wondered where she got it and how she kept it. I wondered what the source of her strength was so that I could find it too. And then the truth of those questions came, and it was undeniable.

Faith was her strength.

If I wanted her strength, I had to have her faith too. I had to remember His promises and His love. I had to remember His plan for the brokenhearted. If I wanted to heal, if I wanted grit, if I wanted to survive the heartbreak, I’d need my faith more than ever. I’d need Him. 

In the doubt, in the low valleys, in the devastation and the despair, I need to hold tight to my faith and ask God for His help, grace, and guidance.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

Upon this realization, I vulnerably wept in front of Him. Yes, broken and afraid, but also acknowledging all that I’d ever been taught about Him and His ways. I stopped trying to comprehend my loss and grief, and instead resolved to trust that while some things are incomprehensible, that doesn’t mean they’re not survivable.  

  • When we feel lonely, we are not.  
  • When we feel abandoned, we are not.
  • When we feel betrayed or forgotten, we are not.
  • When our faith feels as if it has been lost, it’s only being refined.

When we are in our lowest valleys, our darkest days, it is He who rescues us.

For, He is here . . . always. By our side like an invisible friend — guiding us, lifting us, reminding us of all of the beauty that remains, even in the midst of our sorrows.

It turns out that on a day where I thought I had lost two of the most meaningful aspects of my life, I’d really lost neither. For my faith and my mother coincide together, with Him — and that has been and will always be my strength.

A Mother’s Love: For Us and From Us All

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We are the moms who hug, dance, and snuggle. We are the moms who get overwhelmed, whose snarls sometimes come easier than our smiles. We are the moms who live in the push-pull of exhaustion and joy, in the tumultuous world of feelings and giving all of ourselves.

We are the moms who pray our children will fly while a tiny part of our heart grieves their flight from us, because we are the moms who love those children with every fiber of our being. We’re not sure where they end and we begin, but we know we didn’t begin until they arrived.

We are the moms who work around the clock in a million different ways. Praying. Cooking. Cleaning up. Carpooling to school and dropping off at daycare. Guiding. Loving, always loving. Scolding and worrying. Kissing boo-boos and wiping tears. Breathing deep, in and out, over and over. Chasing their feet and their hearts. Answering emails in the middle of the night. Pulling them back and drawing them in and sending them out. Scrubbing toilets and remembering details and packing lunches and signing papers and pouring out.

We are the moms who love children we didn’t birth. We are the neighbors, aunties, sisters, friends, and church grandmas who love these kids as though they’re our own. We snuggle up to beloved little ones during the sermon at church and pass them hard candies to squelch the wiggles. We attend birthday parties and graduations and weddings, bearing gifts for these dear hearts, setting up tables and making food, and then cleaning up at the end of the day. We rock little babies and help big kids pack for college, tearing up at the thought of them driving away. We light up when our phone dings with a text from a precious high schooler. We read stories and sing songs and carefully choose cards to pop in the mail for every holiday.

We are the moms who haven’t had a night out in ages, and who crave one like oxygen. Who run on grace and caffeine. Who build a meal off of the scraps pilfered from kids’ plates. Who go through more coffee shop drive-thrus than we care to admit. Who are exhausted from being “on” all day at work, and coming home to be “on” longer still.

We are the moms who drive through McDonald’s for milk because we ran out and just cannot drag ourselves into the actual grocery store. Who pay for a latte in change dug out from between the minivan seats. Who cannot make it to church without bickering with our family on the drive. Who are consistently seven minutes late to every appointment. Who perpetually lose socks to the washing machine, and have been known to purchase new underwear instead of washing the pairs we already own. Who take our alone time seriously and guard it fiercely — just like we do our kids.

We are the moms who long for more. More grace. More patience. More coffee. More time (always more time). More space in home and heart. More money. More sleep. More Christ in us. More life in our days. More quiet.

At the same time, we are the moms who long for less. Less laundry. Less fighting. Less yelling. Less clutter. Less selfishness. Less guilt. Less busy. Less stuff. Less dust. Less hustle.

We are the moms who sit in the hallway in tears during bedtime, drained. The moms who sit in empty houses in tears because there are no more babies to tuck in at bedtime. We are the moms who ache for those we’ve lost, for those we’ve wanted, for those we’ve asked for, for those we’ve begged God about and bruised our knees over in earnest prayer. For the babies we couldn’t carry. For the children we’ve lost to heaven and red tape. For the grown children we couldn’t hold on to as they flew our coop to make their lives. For waywards and prodigals and could’ve-beens.

We love this life even when we don’t like it. We love these kids with all of our beings — even when we may not like them very much. We thank God for the gift of love He gives in the form of sticky hands, flown coops, late nights, early mornings, birthday celebrations, cards in the mail, trips to see each other, texts sent, calls placed, and prayers whispered.

We are these moms, and God is for us all.

As Mother’s Day approaches, we know that it is a complex day full of many emotions and experiences. Know that at (in)courage, we are praying for each of you in this season as you remember, celebrate, grieve, or enjoy motherhood and what it means to you. Every single woman who loves, encourages, and nurtures those who become part of the next generation is doing amazing work and is to be celebrated.

Above is an excerpt from our book, A Mother’s Love: Celebrating Every Kind of Mom by Anna E. Rendell, which is full of reflections on God’s heart. Featuring unique and diverse stories from the (in)courage community, A Mother’s Love offers heartfelt encouragement to all kinds of moms, whether they’re a mother in a traditional sense, a spiritual mother, or a mother-like figure who breaks the mold. This book is sure to help any woman share a meaningful gift with someone who has been impactful in her life, a new mom learning the ropes, or a close loved one facing the joys and challenges of any stage and type of motherhood.

Compiled with all women in mind so we can celebrate those who made us, shaped us, helped us grow, and loved us well, A Mother’s Love is a beautiful gift for the moms in your life.

Listen to today’s devotion on the player below or wherever you stream podcasts. (And be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a single one!)

The Right Words at the Right Time

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Despite my extroverted tendencies and sometimes bubbly nature, I’m a fairly quiet person. I often sit back and observe people. I’m contemplating and analyzing and even over-analyzing. I’m not quick to speak and offer my thoughts and opinions.

So, needless to say, when I do speak, I’ve put much thought into what I want to say and how I want to say it. I’m not perfect, but, I do try my best to be strategic in my conversations. I try not to be careless or haphazard with my words.

I’m also a deep feeler. I don’t necessarily communicate what I’m feeling, but I feel everything. I even have feelings about my feelings. It can be a lot. When I was younger, I was labeled as easily offended and thought I was. As I have matured, I’ve come to realize that is not necessarily the case. I notice and discern much of what is said and unsaid. It’s how the Lord has wired me. It’s what makes me a good friend, counselor, and coach.

Recently, I was with a friend who I find completely hilarious. She is naturally funny. Much of her humor consists of sarcasm, imitations, and mostly well-meaning jabs at people she comes across during her days. She jokes with me all of the time. I laugh and joke back. It’s usually all good. But this time, I posed a question and her response came as a blow. It was actually a comment she had made about me before, but on this particular day, it hurt.

It sent me into a bit of a mental tailspin. My thoughts began a downward spiral into questioning my motives (even though I knew they were genuine).

When I’m in those situations, I can’t speak. I can’t address anything in the moment. I can’t resolve the misunderstanding. I need time alone to process, to assess the whole situation. And for me, that process takes quite some time.

Encounters like these always cause me to reassess the words I speak and the tone I use. Again, I am nowhere near perfect. I fail often. But, I don’t want to. I want my words to be the words of God.

Numerous verses focus on our tongues and the power our words carry. Sadly, it’s often not until we are on the receiving end of something hurtful that we stop to take inventory of our own speech. That is when we have a choice to make: to be intentional or not.

The Book of Proverbs is a literal wealth of wisdom. In it, we are reminded that life and death reside in the tongue. We are reminded that it can be wise to stay silent. Our words are to be truthful. Our words are to be healing.

I’ve been in a hard season filled with several losses, from friendships to deaths. Uncertainties and doubts have been surfacing. This wilderness has left me wandering and feeling far from God. I’ve desperately needed clarity, direction, and hope. I’ve needed to hear His voice above the barrage of other voices.

Fast forward a few days after the hurtful comment, and I was able to attend two multi-church gatherings. I worshipped, prayed, and believed God would meet me and speak to me. And speak to me, He did.

At both events, there were opportunities to be prayed over, and I took advantage. The women who prayed for me truly heard from the Lord. They spoke words of life and hope and healing. Their words were filled with grace and promises. They were a sweet honeycomb to this weary soul, as described in Proverbs 16.

I needed to be reminded of God’s truth that my finite mind so easily forgets. I needed my gaze to be redirected to the Savior who gave His life for me.

I needed to feel seen by the God who sees those who feel unseen.

First Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing” (CSB).

This is what I experienced through each of those women. I was encouraged and built up in my faith. This is our calling as believers. We are to weigh our words carefully and release them even more so.

When we weigh our words and release them in His timing, Jesus breathes Proverbs 15:23 into action. Joy and goodness are abundant in the timely Word of the Lord. His Word is guaranteed not to return void. It ALWAYS accomplishes the work it was set forth to accomplish. There is fruit and much fruit that is produced. It is a blessing that remains.

I know the words prayed over me were the right words at the right time. I’m grateful for how God loves us intentionally and intimately. He knows what we need, how we need it, and when we need it.

I’d love for you to share your stories of how God has spoken the right words into your life at just the right time!

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One Thing to Help in Moments of Panic and Anxiety

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I get to my seat and it’s a window because I like to see what’s going on outside. I put my bag under the seat, send a few last text messages before I have to go into airplane mode, and buckle my seatbelt. My airpods are in, music is going, and we start to taxi to the runway. As we increase our speed, I take a few deep breaths because there’s one thing I know: I want to be on the ground.

There once was a time when I would fly at least once a month; one year, I flew over 35,000 miles. Sometimes it was work, other times it was visiting my family on the other side of the country or attending a wedding. Either way, the miles added up and you’d think that my tolerance for the stresses of travel would be nice and high. You would, however, be wrong.

I’m one of those people who has panic attacks. So a flight can’t just be a time to watch movies and write in my journal or take a nap. No, my body goes into a full-on panic if we start to encounter turbulence.

I get a fight-or-flight jolt whenever a plane begins to shake.

Some things happened early in my life that left me with the inability to know when something is safe or unsafe. I can certainly know it in my head, but my body is another story entirely. My body is regularly trying to figure out if something is a threat and because of this, my pulse will rise without me running sprints or doing jumping jacks or hiking a mountain. I know that my body is trying to help me, but sometimes it makes me feel pretty helpless.

It’s easy to not feel a lot of grace when you are in the middle of trying to survive what feels like an overwhelming and never-ending cycle of fear.

I’ve tried just about everything that I can think to do and have met with therapists over the years, but when I try to slow my breathing or do exercises to get back into my right mind again, all I can think is that I need help because of my panic and it somehow makes it worse. A few years ago, however, I discovered something that helps in my moments of anxiety: I just let it happen.

I have spent so many years trying to control the outcome of these experiences and one day I decided to see what would happen if I just allowed my pulse to rise and had grace for the fact that my breathing was changing. I accepted the fact that I was probably going to cry in front of strangers and reached into my backpack to grab a holding cross I keep for comfort. It’s a little wooden cross that has smooth edges and is easy to grasp and I move it around between my fingers, reminding myself that Jesus is with me even in this. It is not a moment of tranquility or instant resolve. My grip on the cross usually involves white knuckles.

But as I have started to allow my helplessness to stay, it reminds me of my hopefulness that Jesus also stays. In the Bible, He is given the nickname Emmanuel, which means God with us. He very easily could have seen us in our mess and decided to snap His fingers and resolve all of our problems, but our God is relational, so He decided to roll up His sleeves and come to us. And because His character never changes, He’s still doing that today.

When I panic, He is not rolling his eyes — He is rolling up His sleeves.

Jesus rolls up His sleeves, He packs His carry-on, goes through security, and sits next to me on airplanes while I try to make it through to landing. And He does not disappear once my moment of need has passed. Instead, I am reminded in my moment of need that He was always there to begin with.

And He will always be there to the very end. And beyond it.

Jesus meets us when we are facing deep heartache or going on a first date or doing the dishes or making impossible parenting decisions. He is present when we are feeling the most confident and He is present when we are the most terrified. And perhaps this is the greatest gift to me in my panic: I remember my Prince of Peace, who does not always take away the struggle I am facing, but He certainly sits with me in it.

And when we land, He walks with me to baggage claim.

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It’s Time to Redefine Helper in a Biblical Marriage

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There was a time when I wore my ability to keep on working even when others couldn’t or wouldn’t as a badge of pride.

This was especially true as a busy mom. I had a long list of places I wanted to give my time and attention, because I believed my help — my busyness — was the only valuable thing I had to give.

My favorite compliment during that time was, “I don’t know how she does it.”

How did I do it? By being resentful, mad, and exhausted.

The tendency to let others take advantage of my willingness to help even seeped into my marriage. Not only was I expected to manage the lion’s share of the kid duties, but also all the cleaning, meal prep, shopping, laundry, and any extras that popped up. My role, or so it seemed to my husband and I, was supposed to be my joy.

Oh, my husband had tasks as well. But while the length of our lists may have been equal, the impact of those duties was a complete mismatch.

My list looked like this:

  • Meals
  • Laundry
  • Dishes
  • Managing kid’s schedules

While my husband’s list contained these tasks:

  • Mowing the lawn
  • Getting the car’s oil changed
  • Cleaning the gutters
  • Filling the cars with gas

While we both had lists, the lists were not equal because my tasks carried a heavier mental load and things that had to be done regularly. (If I only cooked dinner or washed laundry as often as my husband changed the oil and cleared the gutters, that would be a problem.) 

“Mental load” has become a popular phrase over the past several years, and it is an apt descriptor of what it takes to keep a home running.

For example, mental load takes into account not just the actual activity (getting your child to a birthday party), but all of the other tasks that precede the event:

  1. RSVPing
  2. Shopping for a gift
  3. Pulling together a cute outfit for my child to wear
  4. Making sure the child is clean
  5. Checking to make sure that cute outfit still fits
  6. Wrapping the gift
  7. Having my child sign the birthday card

This example might seem minor, but it illustrates all the unseen, unnoticed, and unappreciated to-dos, so our household doesn’t run off the rails.

As someone who speaks and writes on decluttering, I teach women how to get more done and help each other out, and those are both great. However, I needed to start by admitting that my expectations did not line up with reality or a biblical view of marriage.

As a result, I found no joy in my role as wife and mother. Only exhaustion and resentment.

Why was I the only one who saw the invisible work left undone? Why was so much left up to me?

Years later, when I got remarried and went from two kids to four, I knew this household could not run like my last one; if it did,  bitterness, resentment, and anger would just pop up again.

I had been taught that God created Eve as a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18). But what I had not been taught was that the word “helper” in Hebrew (ezer) does not imply subordination but rather a partnership. In fact, ezer is the same noun used in Psalm 33:20 to describe God as “our help and our shield.”

When you start to see yourself as not just someone who makes life work for others, but as a partner to create the kind of life you both want? Everything changes.

No one is over the other; rather, we treat each other as cherished children of God.

Here are three ways Roger and I follow God’s leading for a partnership:

  1. We each do the tasks we are naturally better at but help each other out. I am more of a list maker, organizer kind of person, but Roger is more of a long-term planner. While I still manage most of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, Roger makes sure I’m never alone in those tasks. He unloads the dishes every night, carries the laundry up and down the stairs, and lugs all the groceries from the car. While Roger handles most of the finances, I deal with our medical claims and reimbursements. Neither of us feels alone because the other one is always right there alongside. We are each other’s helpers.
  2. We don’t keep score. A couple of times a year, Roger is crazy busy at work and at church where he serves on the tech team. During those weeks, everything at the house is completely up to me. When I’m on a book deadline, Roger keeps the laundry going, cooks meals, and makes sure we have clean dishes. At least three times a day, I ask Roger if he needs anything, and he probably asks me the same question five times a day.
  3. We agree on what needs to be done and work together until it’s finished. Sure, there are some tasks each of us prioritizes. But what’s important to him is important to me because he is important to me and vice versa. So while he may not “get” my burning desire to organize the pantry, he works with me because he knows it’s important to me.

Here’s the thing: I’m still a busy woman. But in my busyness, I no longer feel alone or taken advantage of. Now, instead of making sure everyone’s life around me works, I have a partner who works with me so we can both be the best God has called us to be.

Want to learn more about Roger and Kathi’s partnership at the Red House? Click here to check out Kathi’s book, The Accidental Homesteader.

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Princesses and Real People: The Unseen Burdens We All Carry

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Propped on pillows, scrolling on my phone took all the energy my feverish body could muster. Nothing but my red nose, frizzy bedhead, and blooms of tissue scattered on my sheets kept me company.

The digital world would have to do.

Perhaps sensing my desperation to see anything other than my messy bedroom turned sick ward, the social media algorithms started showing me photo after photo of stunning vistas, gorgeous charcuterie boards, and — my personal favorite — beautiful outfits worn by an actual modern-day princess.

 I wonder how much those heels cost, I mused as my feet were still in the mismatched socks from the day before. How does she get those cascading curls so perfect? I thought as I touched my matted hair. Look how well-behaved her kids are, I lamented as I heard my brood wreaking havoc in the living room below.

It’s so easy to imagine that the small glimpses we see of another’s life are the whole of the story.

The truth is, no matter how perfectly coiffed someone may be, there’s more to their lives than the snapshot we see.

Just because it’s invisible doesn’t mean someone else’s heavy load doesn’t exist.

All the money, power, beauty, and prestige in the world can’t protect us from being unfailingly, irrevocably human.

There is no one among us who hasn’t tasted loneliness, who hasn’t held sadness in their hands like wadded-up tissue.

It’s easy for us to imagine that no one else has or will hold the burdens that we do. It’s so natural that I’m not even sure we realize we’re doing it.

The “grass is greener” mentality seeps into our souls – and it’s exacerbated by the countless photos we mindlessly scroll through. It spills over into phrases we utter under our breath, like, Why does this always happen to me? Or Why can’t I be more put together like her?

This way of thinking doesn’t just dehumanize others, but it hurts us too. We sell ourselves the lie that we’re the only ones struggling or grieving. That we’re the only ones who are navigating a broken relationship or an awful health diagnosis. 

We must stay tender to the humanity of others – this is the pathway to empathy, the road to compassion that we’re called to as people of faith.

During those hazy days of my bedroom quarantine, I wrote stories in my mind about the seemingly perfect lives of the people in the pictures I scrolled by.

My joints were achy; my head was pounding. I was on a deadline to finish my book manuscript, but my head was too stuffy even to write my editor a short email to tell her I was sick.

I ached to transport into my phone and be a princess, far away from dirty laundry, mounting deadlines, rambunctious kids, and saltine cracker crumbs hidden in my bedsheets.

Nothing bad ever happens to her, I mumbled as I coveted another $395 pair of the most perfect high heels she probably only wore once.

Slowly but surely, I could drink more than ginger ale. I showered and put on clothes that weren’t sweatpants. I blow-dried my hair for the first time in forever. I felt like a human again! I cracked open the windows and inhaled fresh air.

I entered back into my fantastic, dirty, messy, holy life.

I left my phone on the nightstand.

A couple of years passed.

Then, seemingly overnight, the whole world became captivated by the same princess who kept me company when I was sick.

Everyone was thinking about her, talking about her, writing about her. No one could stop.

Back into my algorithm she went. As I stood in the slowest possible grocery store line (again), I began to get sucked into the gossip, too. 

We all soon found out that she was carrying her own heavy burdens – serious ones like cancer and chemotherapy. 

It’s a tale as old as time – nobody is living in a storybook happily ever after, no matter how charming and shiny their life may seem on the outside. 

We see this in the ancient story of Esther. From the outside looking in, she had it all. She was deemed the most beautiful and named queen. I can imagine the gossip surrounding her. 

Why does she look so sad sometimes? She has the perfect life! Can you imagine how much that necklace cost? Must be nice living such an extravagant lifestyle! Did you hear that she has SEVEN personal palace maids? I’m barely making ends meet, and she gets custom beauty treatments and a personal chef?

But there was more to Esther. She held the trauma of losing both of her parents at an early age. She was part of a marginalized community. She had to conceal who she really was, hiding her family, nationality, and racial background.

Have you ever had to hide part of yourself?

It’s an unbearable, invisible burden.

I wonder if any of the folks who were whispering about her ever stopped to wonder if they were dehumanizing her – and, in turn, themselves – with their gossip.

We don’t have to know all the burdens someone else carries to hold their humanity with care. When we honor the humanity of another, we give ourselves permission to be human, too. When we can zoom out of our realities, we gain a truer perspective of what it means to be in this world.

Yes, privilege is real.

No, most of us are not royalty.

But we are all human.

As people who follow Jesus’s example, we have access to a well of compassion that won’t run dry. We can be slower to speak lies to ourselves and slower to create fairy tales about others.

We can love our neighbors – the poorest among us and those in palaces – as we love ourselves. When we are gentle with ourselves, the wildest thing happens: we become more compassionate toward others, too.

We are carrying heavy burdens, this is true. But we aren’t the only ones. Thanks be to God, we do not bear our burdens alone.

As for me, I’ll be working on not comparing my sick days to royal coronations. 

Listen to today’s article below or wherever you stream podcasts. 

 

The Grace of the Upside-Down Kingdom

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“The point is this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously. Each person should do as he has decided in his heart — not reluctantly or out of compulsion, since God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.“
2 Corinthians 9:6-8 CSB

Generosity and provision in the kingdom of God don’t make sense. From our perspective, there’s always an end. Things run out, whether that’s finances, energy, or time. It seems that if we give too much, if we invest too much, we may not get the same in return or we may even burn out.

But God’s kingdom is an upside-down kingdom. As the passage says, He is able to make every grace overflow to you. It won’t come from striving or hustling, but it will flow from the Father down to you and then to those around you. 

You will never be without what you need to live out your purpose in His kingdom. 

We can sow generously, give generously, because the overflow of God’s provision never ends. Let’s be cheerful givers because of the grace we’ve abundantly been given by our God.

God Remains With Us Through Every Hard and Holy Moment

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There was a thick, burnt orange line painted across the hospital tiles.

That line, that final threshold, is the point of separation where parents part from their children as the nurses wheel their beds into the operating room. I found myself grasping for ways to ground myself as my feet pivoted. The wall was blue. The sign above was red. My daughter, my daughter. Orange. Orange. Orange.

It was a battle to stay in my body without collapsing; to force my feet to go in the opposite direction, away from that place of departure. As I lifted my gaze from the floor, I almost lost it again. Because the processional of beds accompanied by parents and nurses stretched several children back. The child right behind my daughter couldn’t have been more than a month old, his chest rising and falling. I noticed his parent’s countenance matching my own and, after briefly observing the families similarly lined up behind ours, I couldn’t help but see this shared journey as a parade of sorts.  

When families go through medical traumas, there is often not so much a crisis of faith as there is a crisis of theology. What is true about God now? How do I even pray? How is it possible that God is good while my child or parent or friend is suffering?

I am a caregiving mother to four medically fragile kids, and I am a seminary student training to be a hospital chaplain. Over the years, I’ve tried it all. I’ve wrestled, wailed, and wept until I didn’t have any more tears. I say all of this to say that there is not a pretty sounding, logical answer to any of these questions. Suffering — the effects of sin in the world and amongst creation — throws a wrench in our surface-level ideal of what faith is supposed to be and who God is to those who suffer.  

Still, the image seared into my mind — of the parade of children rolling down the hallway — not only painted a poignant trinitarian picture: a suffering child, their loving parent, and the comforting nurse that wouldn’t leave the child’s side, but also an eschatological one. Jesus’ teachings in Mark 9-10 — in which He foretells his own suffering and pronounces a grand reversal — are centered on welcoming children.

But many who are first will be last, and last, first.
Mark 10:31 NASB

And when I think about Jesus’ words, in Matthew 25, that set the stage for this promised, future grand reversal, I can’t help but ponder how such a gathering of all the nations could likely include a royal processional that isn’t led by the powerful or influential . . . but by the last and least. A parade that elevates these medically vulnerable children to their rightful place of honor, prominence, and belonging with the King, a sure contrast to that place of pain that lay on the other side of the orange line.  

God’s heart and purpose is for the vulnerable. God champions their flourishing and belonging. The totality of scripture is a testament to this. And when I, along with so many other families, am navigating medical traumas in real time — sifting through what is real and what isn’t, what is true about God and what isn’t — I know that God’s love for those who suffer is good news.

God’s love for the vulnerable is good news to the vulnerable.  

While my faith may oscillate and waver, God’s faithfulness doesn’t. God is faithful to be who He says He is. God’s love is faithful. While this world gravitates towards either exploiting suffering image bearers, ostracizing them, or avoiding them entirely, Jesus not only promises to honor them fully — affirming their dignity and belonging in advance — but He aligns Himself with those who suffer, over and over.  

If God-with-us is who God is, and God-with-us-in-suffering is who God is, then I don’t need a fluffy answer, or a proof-texted verse ripped out of context. The person and work of Jesus is enough, with or without answers. With or with out faith that is any larger than a mustard seed.  

In those long hours while my daughter was in the operating room, I prayed in the hospital garden. I let creation remind me the truth about our Creator. I marveled at the trumpet-shaped yellow flowers and the way the dew glistened on long blades of grass. I can’t explain it, but God was with me. His peace was ever-present.

I know He was with my daughter, too. God remains with us through every hard and holy moment, offering comfort and carrying us through. And while many might say that the absence of suffering is more desirable than the presence of God in the midst of suffering, I have to disagree.

In suffering, God reveals the secret places of His heart to the people who need Him most. It is a treasure to allow ourselves to be comforted by a loving God who promises goodness and doesn’t leave us.

There is no orange line with God. No point of separation. And, one day, all of the orange lines — all separation, all suffering — will be gone forever.  

When Your Heart Says No But Your Mouth Says Yes

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I speed-walked down the hallway at church, late for a steering committee meeting for our church moms group.

And that’s when the gal caught me in her crosshairs and asked me for the sixth or seventh time,

“Hey Kristen, did you decide if you’d like to join the Bible study I’m hosting next month?”

I wanted to be annoyed at her persistence, but in all fairness, she’d asked for the sixth or seventh time because I’d told her five or six times I’d think about it. I pondered her phrasing… like to join the Bible study? Well, yes, I’d definitely like to. The problem was that my schedule already bulged at the seams. Like a bookshelf crammed with books, I knew I didn’t have room to shoehorn one more thing onto it.

At the same time, I knew this gal wanted more folks to join her study. Another thought snaked through my mind: Kristen, you should be doing Bible study, so you should fit it into your schedule. 

Finally, my inner critic won out. I answered with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, “Oh yeah… sure! Count me in!”

After she relayed the details, I told her I looked forward to seeing her there. Then, I headed toward my meeting, taking note of my slower gait and slumped shoulders.

That was a year my husband traveled so much that he was gone more than home. With three young children and several volunteer responsibilities, I knew  I’d made the wrong decision about the Bible study.

My slumped shoulders and continual hesitation that followed my yes to joining were the outward signs of what the Holy Spirit spoke to me on the inside: Kristen, ignore that wretched inner critic and listen to Me. My direction lightens loads, hence why You know this should be a no.

Yet, while my heart said no, my mouth said yes.

I’ve always loved Matthew 5:37 that says, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” In context, this verse is one where Jesus instructs us to not swear falsely or to say we’re going to do something and then not do it. My three adult kids would tell you that in their growing-up years, they heard this verse a thousand times. When a brother, for example, promises early in the day to play with his sister and then tries to get out of it later in the day, he’s behaving as if his yes is really a no.   

I certainly want to follow through on what I say I’m going to do for others. But I also realized that regarding this Bible study, I was behaving like my no was a yes. I appreciate it when other people interact honestly with me regarding what they are and aren’t able to do, so why wouldn’t I do the same with myself, for myself?

I knew exactly why. In this case, a yes eased my uncomfortable feelings about not wanting to disappoint the host.

Not long ago, my pastor’s wife, Karen, said, “Jesus disappointed people.” Her words tasted like crisp, cool relief as the reality of that statement settled in my heart. You see, if I rack ‘n stack all the reasons why I struggle to say no, the fact that I hate disappointing people would be at the tippy top of the list. I didn’t want to disappoint the kind woman leading that Bible study then, and I’ve hated disappointing (or the idea of disappointing) a hundred women since. And yet, the reality is that if Jesus disappointed people, which He certainly did, then lowly Kristen will disappoint people, too.

I needed to be comfortable with the idea that disappointing people is not only unavoidable, it’s often the right yes. It’s not a sign that the one doing the disappointing is wrong. If I’m doing what the Holy Spirit genuinely calls me to do, then it’s important to walk that decision through, come what may.

A yes to one thing always means a no to something else. In this case, my yes to the study would cause me extra stress, which in turn would cause my family to pay the price for my extra stress. Since I had committed to participating in rather than leading the study, I felt like I had permission to change my mind. That’s not always possible, but here it was.

A couple of days later, I found the woman hosting the study and told her, “I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to participate in your group Bible study after all. I would love to, but after considering my schedule more closely, I just don’t have the bandwidth for it right now. I sure apologize that I didn’t come to this realization sooner.”

She was disappointed, but she understood and said it was no problem. I exhaled, noticing how my shoulders relaxed.

In the words of my friend, Kim, a no hurts a little when it’s given, but the wrong yes hurts a lot more later. So, we say no to good things in one season to say yes to best things.

Whether a yes or a no, I’m learning there is strength and peace in letting my heart and mouth say the same thing for the benefit of following God’s will…

…and not disappointing myself.

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It’s Okay to Embrace Your Weird

by

When I was a little girl, my favorite thing to hear was that I was weird. Whether the words came affectionately from the lips of my mom or as a critical observation from the kid across the street, I didn’t care. “You’re so weird” made me beam — because I was weird.

I was a girl who happily (and confidently) marched to the beat of my own unrhythmic drum.

When I was seven years old, the year was 1989, and neon green biker shorts with a black polka dot skirt with a fluorescent pink tank top was my favorite outfit. But I took the typical bright 80’s color scheme to my own Becky level. I was sure to complement my outfit with my beloved canvas dinosaur sneakers that I got in the boys’ section. The shoes had boring white laces that didn’t meet my high fashion standards so I swapped them out for primary red ones. Good call.

Add to this charming ensemble the fact that I convinced my older sister to braid my hair in three sections and then crimp my bangs, and weird was probably the word that came to everyone’s mind.

At the tender age of seven, I had yet to grow a self-conscious bone. I was just me. Tree-climbing, alphabet-burping, puzzle-solving, book-loving, roller-blading Becky. And I was hungry for affirmation of what I knew was true — that I was perfectly, wonderfully, and weirdly made.

Gosh, I was a great kid.

Decades later, I’m still great, but somewhere between then and now the compliments I desired most shifted. Somewhere along the way, I stopped wanting to be seen for exactly me, and I started striving to please others.

Instead of weird, I wanted to be beautiful. Instead of being unique, I wanted to be accepted, influential, admired, and successful. I started caring about others liking me more than I cared about liking myself.

And even deeper than that, I started forgetting who God says I am and tried to cram myself into a mold that wasn’t made for me.

Have you done this too?

It’s natural for our childhood selves to mature into adolescents with greater self-awareness and then into adults with age-appropriate inhibitions. But that doesn’t mean shoving down, casting out, or numbing over the parts of ourselves that make us stand out for the sake of blending in or receiving positive recognition.

If you’re a dreamer, don’t cram yourself into the box of an analytical thinker.
If you’re loud, don’t let the world stifle your voice.
If you’re vibrant, don’t dull your edges.
If you’re intellectual or artsy or stoic or outdoorsy, don’t let an outside voice tell you that another personality or strength is more valuable and attractive.

The amazing thing about God is that He doesn’t make mistakes. Your shyness is on purpose. Your love for a good debate is intentional. Your fast talking or slow processing is not a mistake.

Do we each have areas where we need to grow? Absolutely! We are all on a journey of being refined and becoming more like Christ. But, friend, learning to love and look more like Jesus doesn’t negate the essential beauty of who you already are.

One of my favorite quotes is credited to Saint Irenaeus, a 2nd-century Greek bishop, who said, “The glory of God is man fully alive.”

God receives glory when we’re living from the fullness of who He’s made us to be. 

Have you ever known someone who just sparkles? Who shines from the inside out, not because of something they did but because of Who is in them? The Creator gets the glory when His creation reflects His intentional design.

For it was you who created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.
Psalm 139:13-14 CSB

You are God’s remarkable creation. If this truth has slipped through the cracks of time, let me be the one to remind you:

Sister, the way God made you is wondrous! You are distinct. Set apart. A one-of-a-kind masterpiece!

What would happen if you lived like it?

These days I’m re-learning to let the bright and bold confidence of my youth reemerge. I wear the vibrant turquoise tennis shoes that clash with most outfits. I make up silly songs and sing them off-key in the kitchen with my kids. I stay quiet when people expect me to speak. I keep writing about Jesus even if it’s not the popular thing.

I think it’s okay that I no longer want to be known as weird. Instead, I just want to be known as loved.

You are so loved.

Yes, that’s the greatest truth we could orient our lives to. When we walk with the assurance that we are God’s beloved daughters — holy and chosen and wonderfully made — we can be confident marching to whatever beat He gives us.

This devotion originally appeared on (in)courage here.

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