It’s Not Just a Table

It’s Not Just a Table

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As tears streamed down my face, I tried reminding myself, “Jen, you’re only saying goodbye to a table.”

I understood the reality of that statement. Yet… while it’s an inanimate object, our kitchen table represents a lifetime of memories, meals, and milestone moments that span nearly three decades. It’s more than simply a table, yet somehow last week in a spontaneous act of earning cold, hard cash, I posted our kitchen table and chairs on Facebook marketplace.

To say I didn’t think this through on an emotional level is an understatement.

Nice “stuff” isn’t important to me. I’m the queen of thrift store shopping and this table was purchased secondhand when our children were only babies. Before the internet, I’d page through the classified ads to furnish our humble abode, and when the newspaper description stated this table could seat up to ten people (or more if we smooshed), I knew this was the one.

My vision for gathering around our kitchen table started small. A day-by-day family routine that served more scratches, spills, and spaghetti stains than suppers. But as I extended additional invitations, it became a standard-bearer of sorts for curating sacred moments. Passionate about the power of family meal time, our normal ordinary rhythm became a call to linger, exhale, and pause amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life. A time to give thanks, share bits of our day, and remember who called us to the table in the first place.

Within hours of my spontaneous sale, someone messaged that they were on their way and the memories started bubbling over.

How could I sell the only table our children have ever known? For twenty-six years, nearly all our meals have been eaten here. Our five kids spit out their first veggies at this table and then scribbled with a permanent marker across the top in the name of creating art. We cheered on potty training success with their favorite ice cream cake in the same spot as the marker, and then in a blink, the same recipe was shared here for their graduation.

When I told our adult kids I sold the table, our eldest son jested in our family group chat, “Well Mom, that is the most special table and I don’t know if we can come home and eat family dinners on any other one.”

Celebrations and tears. Prayers, praise, and petitions. Sacred songs and silly banter. All have intersected around our life-giving table.

In Acts 2, we witness how the believers’ steadfast devotion to simple, everyday choices – God-honoring teaching, biblical community, prayer, and mealtime together — became the launching pad to their explosive revival in the church.

 “And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.”
Acts 2:46

More than seven hundred times the imagery of eating laces itself throughout Scripture, but this simple phrase, “day by day,” gives me pause. As I scroll through Instagram, my life feels so chore-like, so “daily” compared to others. I have nothing extraordinary, no great stories to share. And yet, could our seemingly common, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, mundane faithfulness be the catalyst for a strong legacy that can shift the next generation?

As I processed the sacredness of this table transition, it hit me: Thousands, yes, thousands of guests have joined us around this very ordinary table. Day by day, meal by meal, bread is broken, His Word revealed, and the true Bread of Life nourishes amidst the most daily of rituals.

My tears continued. Our table isn’t quite as busy as it once was when we had little ones . . . but I began to think about the new family who might gather around its edges. In a moment of crazy, I shot out a plethora of texts to the woman buying our table. I found out that she has three young boys. (We have three boys and two girls.) And that commonality was all the encouragement I needed to share the back story of our beloved table and impress upon her the power of gathering with her family for mealtime. What I’m sure started for her as, “Facebook Stranger Lady, I just want to buy your table,” turned into deeper conversations. We even have another meet-up planned for one last “chair” exchange.

Who knows what the Lord has planned for the next season of this second-hand table? It’s served our family well and now there are new life-giving stories to tell. One thing I’m certain of: It’s not “just a table.”

If you want to see my table and hear my heart on the day I sold it, check my Instagram highlight.

 

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The Extraordinary Power of Hope (and what we all need to learn from 13-year-olds)

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As we pulled up to the field that morning, I checked the time on my phone and immediately wondered how long the game would last. If history repeated itself, we should be done by noon and able to move on from the difficulty of the last few days and enjoy the rest of our weekend.

We set up our folding chairs behind the fence along the first baseline and settled in for what was likely to be another beating.

This was game four of our son’s 13-year-old All-Star Pony baseball regional tournament. To say the first three games didn’t go so well would be an understatement. Our team got “mercied” every game. That means instead of playing seven full innings, each game was cut short because we were down by ten runs in the 4th inning or fifteen runs in the 5th.

Losing 3-14 or 4-14 or 10-25 isn’t fun. In fact, it’s just plain disheartening.

So as the early summer sun warmed our shoulders and I swatted mini mosquitos and biting flies (why do the bugs always like me?), we braced ourselves for another brutal defeat.

Which makes what happened next so extraordinary . . .

While my hope for a victorious outcome was nil, this band of underdog teenagers and their coaches hadn’t given up. The Glendora All-Stars stepped onto the field and up to the plate humble and hungry for a different story. The opposing team’s attitude clearly showed they had already counted us out. But no amount of arrogance or intimidation was deterring our team from playing hard and clean.

From fielding grounders and catching pop flies, these boys showed remarkable composure and grit. Inning after inning, our team gradually scored more runs than their first-place-ranked opponent. The energy at the field was palpable.

Excited murmurs spread among the spectators.

“Is this really happening? Could we possibly keep this lead? Could we actually win?”

The Glendora All-Stars started the game with no external reason to hope. The evidence that they had been outmatched and outplayed all tournament was clear. The odds were stacked against them that this game could produce a different ending.

But here’s the wild thing about hope: it doesn’t require concrete proof – just belief in what’s possible.

I think about the times in my life when it feels hardest to hope . . .

When anxiety weighs heavy, when bills stack up, when the injustices of the world scream loud — hope can feel impossible, even foolish. As adults, we are trained to look at the evidence. We are told to trust logic and statistics more than things like passion and intuition. But when we focus only on what can be seen – like numbers on a scoreboard – we miss out on the wild goodness, beauty, and possibility of what is unseen. Hope helps us fix our eyes and hearts on that which is beyond mere calculation or reasoning.

Hope isn’t a falsely shiny filter meant to blur the hard. It’s okay to acknowledge when circumstances feel insurmountable or discouragement feels like a lead blanket. Rather, hope helps us recognize that the hard is not the whole truth. The hard we face today – on the ball field or in the board room or in your messy living room – is not the end of the story!

I find solidarity in Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

Being hard-pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down seems like plenty of reasons to give up hope. To wave the white flag and beg to be mercied, beg for the suffering to end. So what enables Paul and others to persevere, to show resilience, to keep on hoping?

Jesus.

Because Jesus took the sin of the world on Himself, because He died for all the seemingly ordinary and clearly vile ways we miss the mark, and because He was victorious over death – we can keep on hoping.

Paul said it this way:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Where are you tempted to lose heart today? Where do you feel outmatched, outplayed, like all the odds are stacked against you? Perhaps this is the time to shift your eyes from the circumstances you can see to the unseen (but very real!) hope of Jesus.

The situation you face today might seem fatal by all human standards – but you don’t have to face it with human strength. If you feel doomed to defeat, it’s time to rely on the One for whom all things are possible.

The previously defeated Glendora All-Stars ended up defeating their first-place rival 17-10!

Later that day, they went on to compete in the championship game. Was their victory a fluke? Was failure imminent or would their hope prevail?

Several hours (and countless bug bites for me) later, the most unlikely group of 13-year-old boys held the Championship banner. For our SoCal small town, it was a magical moment not one spectator or player will soon forget.

But even more than the shiny medal my son proudly wore around his neck, I will remember this day as an example of the extraordinary power of perseverance, humility, and hope.

If you are trudging through days of defeat or discouragement, remember that this is not the end of your story. I’m praying these words for you:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
(Roman 15:13)

*photo used with parents’ permission*

For more inspiring stories and encouragement when life is hard, follow Becky on Instagram @beckykeife.

 

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Holey Jeans and a Holy God

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I grew up in a church where we wore our “Sunday Best.” And according to my parents, my ripped jeans with holes in the knees did not make the cut. I was okay with this exchange where my dresses and nicer clothes took the lead for one day a week. . . . until the final years of high school rolled around. Trying to bargain with my parents, I would say with a giggle, “These pants belong at church! They’re my HOLEY jeans!”

A faint laugh made its way from their lips, but I saw in their eyes, it wasn’t about me or even the jeans. It was about God and His holiness. I didn’t quite understand what “holiness” meant, but my parents were trying to teach me that even with my clothing, I had the opportunity to give God my best and honor Him. Why should we give Him our best? Because God is holy.

After Jesus tells us to come to God in the prayer in Matthew 6, He goes on to describe how special God is. “Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name” (Matthew 6:9 nasb). Jesus could have said, “Mighty is Your name” or “Perfect is Your name” because both are true statements. But instead, Jesus specifically wanted us to know that our Father is holy. If we dig a little deeper, in Hebrew the word “holy” means set apart. It also means entirely pure in all ways. We could read this as, “Our Father in heaven, set apart and pure is Your name.” When I think of something that is set apart, I picture something special. Kind of like our “Sunday Best” clothes. The only thing that makes these clothes any different from the rest of the week’s outfits is the fact that they are set aside for a special occasion: church. But far more than clothing, God is holy and set apart because He isn’t like the rest of us. He is not just any earthly father. He is greater; your heavenly Father is God!

So, as you share your days with your Father, who so deeply cares about every little detail of your story, may your heart be encouraged as you acknowledge that God is set apart. If He is your Father, then that makes you . . . His girl! So come to your Holy Father. Come as a holy child who is precious in His sight.

Everything about the Father is holy —  from the words He speaks in the Holy Bible to His Holy Spirit which He has given to you as a gift and helper to the holiness He is pouring over you, His beloved, right now.

But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
I Peter 1:15–16

This might surprise you, but we are called to be holy too. Again, this means, “set apart.” Friends, we are called to be set apart to and for our Father! In Christ, we are set apart and called to be different because of who God is and what He has done for us.

This call to holiness is stated many times throughout the Old Testament (the time before Jesus) and the New Testament (the time of Jesus and beyond). I like to think of this repetitive reminder like when your mama doesn’t just tell you something once, but MULTIPLE TIMES — you know she means business and that it’s important.

Through spending time with God in prayer, I’ve come to understand the beauty in these verses and why they’re so important. It’s like when you hang out with a friend so much and you start to say the same phrases they do, or you even start dressing alike. The more time spent with someone, the more you end up reflecting one another. The same is true with our relationship with God.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life — not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.
II Timothy 1:9

Because you were bought with holy blood on the cross, in Him, you are holy. Because of His holy grace, in Him, sister, you are set apart.

As we dance through this side of heaven, I am beyond grateful we get to live out this call to holiness together. But don’t view it as a sprint, or a pass/fail college class, or even like a waltz. When you picture dancing and partnering with Jesus in His holiness, don’t worry about falling or missing a step. Let Him guide His girl in His grace. Let Him take the lead, then as His child, place your feet on His, hold His hands, and let Him twirl you through the kitchen for a daddy-daughter dance.

You shall be holy; for I am holy.
Leviticus 11:44

Devotion by Georgia Brown from Hi God, It’s Me: 20 Days to a Stronger, More Powerful Prayer Life

For many, engaging in prayer can feel like a constant “stop-and-go” experience. It may be tough to get into a rhythm or frequently find the right words to say, especially during busy seasons or stressful days.

Hi God, It’s Me: 20 Days to a Strong and Powerful Prayer Life by Georgia Brown encourages you to see prayer differently — not as a moment in time, but as a lifestyle that you can enjoy. In this 20-day guide, you will discover how to build a resilient prayer life that withstands waves of feeling or trying times. As you read selected Scriptures, pray, and engage in the fun activities provided, you’ll learn how to get carried along in a current of fresh and meaningful conversations with God.

Pick up your copy of Hi God, It’s Me today, and leave a comment below to enter to WIN one of five copies*!

Then listen to the (in)courage podcast this Saturday for a bonus episode featuring a conversation with Georgia and Becky!

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Giveaway is open until 7/24/23 at 11:59 pm central to US addresses only.

 

 

No, You Don’t “Got This”

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A sweet friend sent me a message on Snapchat. The image was her darkened living room, with curtains drawn, and I knew immediately that this dear soul had fallen into a deep malaise.

Over the top of the pictures were words that she’d typed: “I am trying to pull myself together. But I just can’t.”

I clicked on the reply button, my fingers hovering over the letters as I searched for the right words to encourage my friend.

Because of the way I’m wired and because I’m a product of the culture in which I’ve been raised, I immediately thought of all the ways I myself have tried to “pull myself together.” A few action steps, mixed in with some positive “you got this” affirmations, came to mind.

But then I remembered the truth I need to know, and maybe you need to know it too:

You actually DON’T have to “pull yourself together” on a hard day.

In fact, sometimes you CAN’T.

Sometimes, all you can do is lift your chin to the sky and say to God, “Send help.”

And that is enough.

We tend to put a ton of pressure on ourselves to slap on a pretend smile and march forward, even amidst the pain we didn’t cause, the heartbreak we didn’t see coming, or the grief that we can’t quite move past.

You don’t have to do that.

You are allowed to break down.
You are allowed to weep.
You are allowed to cancel plans.
You are allowed to take a nap.
You are allowed to simply “be.”

The truth is, you don’t “got this.” Only God does.

Through Scripture, God reminds us that we don’t have to rely on our own strength to pull ourselves out of a funk. Instead, God repeatedly offers comfort along these lines: “I’ll sit with you in the funk.”

One of the Scriptures that assures me of this is Psalm 34.

These words were written by David, and it is traditionally believed that he wrote them while he was in a cave – a very dark place not unlike my friend’s room. During that time, David was fleeing from King Saul, who was pursuing him out of jealousy and a desire to kill him.

The psalm reflects David’s trust in God’s protection and deliverance even in the midst of difficult circumstances.

In Psalm 34, David repeatedly draws our attention to God’s comfort and provision.

Right now, if you’re in a dark “cave” of your own, imagine David Snapchatting you the following words from his own dark cave:

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry” (Psalm 34:15).

“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles” (Psalm 34:17).

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Not once does David say to pull yourself together. All of the “pulling” comes from God, as well as all of the comfort.

Indeed, God’s got this, not you.

So, when I sent a message back to my friend, that’s exactly what I told her. She could simply … be.

The same is true for you.

If you can’t pull yourself out of the dark place you’re in right now, maybe you actually don’t need to do that today. Try this instead: Invite Jesus to come into the room WITH you — and let Him just hold you.

If you’re currently in a dark place, desperate to experience God’s presence, Stuff I’d Only Tell God, is for you. It’s a journal that gives you space and permission to be right where you are, in your healing.

 

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There Is Wonderful Joy Ahead

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So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold — though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:6-9

It’s easy to feel like the trials we are facing today will always be this way. It’s easy to believe that no good could possibly come from the hard, the unjust, or the pain in our lives. But Scripture reminds us of this:

There is purpose in the trials we face.

Are brokenness and betrayal, cancer and car accidents from God? Of course not! These are the consequences of living in a fallen world. But the impact of sin and suffering doesn’t have the final say! (Pause and praise God for that!)

Because God is faithful to work through everything for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), He uses the very things we’d rather avoid to strengthen our faith, compel us to  trust, and ultimately give us greater joy in Jesus.

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while.”

 

Love With (and Without) Strings

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Show us your faithful love, Lord,
and give us your salvation.

I will listen to what God will say;
surely the Lord will declare peace
to his people, his faithful ones,
and not let them go back to foolish ways.
His salvation is very near those who fear him,
so that glory may dwell in our land.

Faithful love and truth will join together;
righteousness and peace will embrace.
Truth will spring up from the earth,
and righteousness will look down from heaven.
Also, the Lord will provide what is good,
and our land will yield its crops.
Righteousness will go before him
to prepare the way for his steps.
Psalm 85:7-13

“How many times have I told you?”
“Why should I believe you when you’ve said the same thing before?”
“Don’t you remember how nice I was to you today? And then you do this?”
“I’m done! I mean it. This is it. I can’t take anymore.”

I’ve said these words. I’ve said them so many times I couldn’t begin to keep track of their frequency, much less their effectiveness. For all their use, you might assume they must do the job. Those searing sentences must cut their recipients to the quick, poking them right in the conscience, right in the deepest part of their hearts. Clearly, my word-arrows strike their targets and initiate repentance and change.

Right? Because if I keep saying these things, it must be because doing so accomplishes something important. Not so much.

Over the past few years, I’ve realized that I am guilty of loving conditionally. As my daughter has grown older and my marriage has grown stronger, I’ve been forced to face head-on some of the challenges I bring to my most dear relationships — and one of the biggest is the ball of strings I have tied to my love.

Looking in the mirror is hard, friends. It’s hard when my jeans are tight or my face is broken out, and it’s hard when my sinful nature is shining brightly through the cracks. It’s hard when I see the expectations I place on people I call beloved, when I see the score sheet I keep against the very people on my team, and it’s hard when I realize how far short my love falls from the love our Father gives us so freely.

In Psalm 85, the author begs God for forgiveness, for another chance, for one more redemption story. He’s remembering all the times God has forgiven His people completely, and he’s believing that God will do it once again. God promises that He will, and our God is faithful, as the psalmist says.

He will forgive us every time, and no matter what, He will love us with unfailing love.

Today, I am thankful for God’s faithful love and the example He gives us in loving unconditionally. When I read through the Old Testament and into the Psalms, I can’t help but shake my head at the Israelites — those fickle, faithless Israelites, who I might have more in common with than I want to admit. Yet God never shakes His head at me. He never shouts in exasperation, “How many times have I told you?” and He never, ever says, “I’m done.”

Thank You, God, for Your faithful love. Teach me to love faithfully too.

Are you placing strings on your love? To whom do you need to offer grace or forgiveness? Do you need to accept God’s faithful love? It’s right here for you, no strings attached.

This devotion is by Mary Carver, published in the (in)courage Devotional Bible. It has been edited from its original form.

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On Saturdays this summer, we’re sharing our favorite Psalms + several devotions from the (in)courage Devotional Bible. We’re loving our summer Saturdays (in) the Psalms with you!

 

Wave-Tossed Love Can Still Endure

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As the sun was descending, sixteen of us encircled my parents for the celebration of their golden wedding anniversary. Dressed in shades of blue like the ocean waves curling behind us, we dug our toes into the soft sand and all stood witness to their sacred renewal of vows. 

My youngest daughter and niece sang a rendition of “We’ve Only Just Begun,” which was originally sung at my parents’ wedding by a cousin. The words were surprisingly fitting as we looked back across the decades and marveled at how they “started walking and learned to run” through life, growing along the way. 

As the story goes, this cross-cultural couple met at a Halloween party. My dad, who is from a Filipino-Chinese-Polynesian family, sized up my mom. She stands a respectable five feet tall and was dressed as the Jolly Green Giant.

Then he popped the question: “Can you cook?”

Lucky for him, this dark-haired Italian wonder dressed in green was a fantastic cook. And she’s still cooking up healthy feasts for him five decades later. (And he is still the clean-up king and diligently does the dishes.)

My sister read from 1 Corinthians 13, the same passage read at my parent’s wedding. I revisited these verses in the message I shared at their vow renewal ceremony. The apostle Paul originally penned these words in a letter to the church in Corinth, which was made up of a mixture of worshipers from all walks of life. Some were converted Jews. Others were Gentiles originally from far-away cities. They were a motley crew of folks from different generations, social classes, political persuasions, and diverse cultural roots. Division came naturally to this bunch.

The oft-quoted passage was not originally poignant prose for wedding ceremonies. It was written to compel all kinds of people to come together. Paul learned from Jesus’ teachings about how He wanted His followers to be known by their love for each other. Paul describes love as the greatest of Christian virtues that starts with being patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4, 13). These are “fruit of the Spirit” also listed in Galatians 5:22.

The way we access patience and kindness is through the Holy Spirit. We can’t muster these up on our own accord. We need the Spirit to infuse us with them. As the passage points out, this kind of love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or demanding or rude or irritable or resentful.

The word for love that Paul uses is agape, a Greek word that points to a love that puts others before ourselves. Agape is contrasted with eros or erotic love and philia, which was more of a brotherly love. Agape requires sacrifice. Jesus is our model for agape love because He laid down His life for us.

According to Paul, love bears all things. I know today’s strong bond between my parents was forged over years of stormy waters they navigated. They weathered a cross-country move that took them far away from family. My dad endured multiple job layoffs through the years, which were accompanied by bouts of anger and depression. My parents serpentined their way through complicated family dynamics on both sides. They also faced the death of close family members, including their teenage nephew, all of their parents, and my mom’s siblings, as well as their son-in-law (my husband).

Through the trials, I watched my parents cling to each other and their faith, like wave-tossed sailors, determined not to be thrown overboard. 

In so many ways, my parents’ marriage has demonstrated the power of the love Paul describes.

“Love believes all things.” Belief was the central knot of their marriage. I remember my parents reading the Bible to each other and to us. There were years when Dad just folded his arms and listened, while Mom read and taught. In later years, he picked up the Word himself and eagerly studied it. At their vow renewal, he shared: “The legacy we hope to leave all of you is to have faith in Jesus Christ and to persevere in all that you do.” 

“Love hopes all things.” My parents’ relationship has been characterized by hope. As children of immigrants, they hoped for a better future for themselves and for their children. They hoped for the best in each other and encouraged each other to grow. They put their hope and confidence in God and waited for Him to unfold His promises — even when it took a long time for the tides to change.

“Love endures all things.” Endurance is the ability to persist, pursue, and sustain something over a long period of time. Not many things last for 50 years anymore, especially marriages. My parent’s relationship hasn’t been perfect. In fact, I can point to several times when their love was strained or sagging, yet it endured. Today they are a couple who still hold hands during movies, dance to their favorite songs, and kiss when alone in elevators. They continue to have their battles, especially when Dad wants to be ten minutes early, and Mom tends to run ten minutes late. Yet, with God’s help and their commitment to love, they somehow always find a way to make up and forgive.

Our family has been marked by divorce and death, but my parents’ marriage rises above life’s waves as a redemption story written by God.

What has redemption looked like in your family?
Let’s bear witness to God’s love together.

Dorina helps women discover God’s glory in unexpected places. Subscribe to Dorina’s Glorygram here and follow her on Instagram for encouragement and glory resources.

 

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This Day I Will Not Forget

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My son sat in our living room with Bibles spread on the floor around him. He and I discussed translations, commentaries, and Study Bibles: the tools we use to interpret God’s Word. We talked about things like how I think 1 Corinthians 13 in the KJV reads like poetry. 

I pulled a few more volumes from the shelf — a multi-volume exposition of the Old and New Testaments. They belonged to my grandfather, who was a minister. He passed away over thirty years ago, well before my son was born.  I thought my son would enjoy diving deeper into the Word using these family heirlooms. 

Time has aged and yellowed their pages. Nothing but duct tape and the grace of God hold some of them together. I can still picture Granddad studying in his recliner, his desk on his left, and bookshelves of religious commentaries behind him. 

He filled his Bible, worn and supple, with notes and underlined verses in red. These lines weren’t haphazard. My grandfather drew them precisely, pen guided by a popsicle stick he positioned beneath the lines of text. I found one of his sticks a few years ago; I keep it in my Bible case, a personal treasure that steadies my hand now, as it once did his. 

Inside John Gill’s Exposition of the Old Testament, Volume II, my son and I saw those familiar red lines on worn pages that still smell like my grandparents’ home. Granddad kept cards and letters in his books. In this one, we discovered a get well soon card, and an envelope on which Granddad had written “This Day I Will Not Forget.”

The envelope contained a card with a picture of a tree in bloom, flowers on its branches, and scattered petals on the ground. Inside, I recognized my grandmother’s cursive script. Grandmother was a sweet, jolly preacher’s wife who fed all who entered her home. She was loving, but not overly emotional or affectionate. I remember her concern when she found me crying at the end of a book I read in high school. She wasn’t a reader and didn’t understand that level of feeling over something that wasn’t real to her. Maybe that’s why her words touched me — and my grandfather, I presume — so much:

She wrote, “I don’t know what I would do without you. You have been my strength and stay for almost 49 years and I love you more than when we started this journey together … We don’t have the riches of this world but I wouldn’t trade our love and our little family for all the money in the world.”

I cried when I read it, and again when I told a friend about it. My grandmother hid her emotions behind a smile and a cast-iron skillet. She was known for showing love through plates of hot cornbread and steaming pots of sauerkraut and wieners, not sentimental prose.

I can be like my grandmother: focused on the laundry and the grocery shopping and the basics of managing a family, and out of touch with my feelings. I know I fail to meet my children’s and my husband’s emotional needs. John 13:35 says that as disciples, we are known by our love for one another. What love could be more important than a family’s?

My grandmother’s scrawled words remind me to express my love. And the way my grandfather marked her surprising note — “This Day I Will Not Forget” — reminds me how much my words can mean to my people, too. 

Does someone need to know how you feel? Tell them. Write a note. Your words may mean more than you can imagine, and live on for generations, treasured, not easily forgotten. 

I found him whom my soul loves …
Song of Solomon 3:4

 

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Is God Nudging You to Postpone Your To-Do List?

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I almost missed it. My dedication to checking off my to-do list nearly hijacked a precious opportunity to be with the ones I love.

My oldest son and daughter-in-law were traveling through my state on their way home from visiting my daughter-in-law’s family. They asked if they could spend the night since they had another ten hours of travel. Of course! I hustled around my house for the next few hours, scrubbing floors, changing the guest bed, and considering the food situation. As they pulled into the driveway, I greeted them with a smile, but my mind began fretting over finding time to grab groceries to fill my empty fridge and obsessing about the one pillowcase I couldn’t find.

As soon as they arrived, they announced their plans to go to the zoo. “Come with us, Mom,” they begged. My heart jumped at the thought, but my mind insisted that my empty fridge and unanswered work emails needed attention first. “No, you go ahead. It will be a disaster if I don’t get a few things done.”

The kids drove off and I grabbed my vacuum cleaner. Moments later, my mind changed its mind and screamed at me: “What are you doing? You see these kids a few times a year, and you’re worried about returning emails and cleaning the house?”

I wonder if Martha had this same type of “a-ha” moment but ignored it. In Luke 10, Jesus and the disciples stopped by her home to visit. Since this is described as Martha’s home, scholars suggest that she had the means to host several guests. Martha put her heart into creating a warm, welcoming environment, but frustration set in when her sister, Mary, sat down to listen to Jesus instead of assisting Martha with making their guests comfortable.

For all of the discussions around if she was right or mistaken for tattling on Mary, Jesus’ response to Martha is full of discernment and encouragement for those of us who can focus on the to-do list and forget about who we’re doing the list for.

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:41-42

Scripture describes Jesus and Martha as friends, so Jesus’ words aren’t spoken in rebuke or anger. Jesus doesn’t diminish Martha’s generosity or her giftings. Yet, Jesus offered a divine a-ha moment. Jesus taught Martha that if she stuck too closely to her expectations, she was in danger of missing the precious “it” Mary had discovered. What is that “it”? Whatever God wanted to do for her or around her at that moment for His glory and Martha’s good.

There will always be a tension between relationships and responsibilities. At times, we must lean more one way than the other.

Is God nudging you to do a little less hustling and a little more holding space so that you can be present with others?

What if the best way to live in your faith today is to be more present with your family or more focused on just sitting quietly with God? Most of the time, our to-do list can wait, but time . . . we can’t get back.

I called my kids and asked them to come back and pick me up. We spent a glorious afternoon at the zoo enjoying moments that weren’t particularly epic or breathtaking, but I’ll remember them for years to come. We walked around and pointed things out to each other, even though we’d gone to the zoo countless times. We laughed as we watched a 100-year-old giant tortoise who loved to escape at 1 mph to eat at the zoo café. Even though my son is thirty years old and an Army officer, my old mama bear instinct roared to life as we watched two giant brown bears fight it out over a stick. I stood ready to toss my kid over my shoulder and run if those bears got too rowdy.

I almost missed this experience because I thought that my emails couldn’t wait.

Today, you have chances and choices. Chances to be fully present with those you love and choices about what you need to do and what can wait. Where can you invite God’s Holy Spirit to discern what must be done and what can wait?

God doesn’t want you to miss whatever it is that He has waiting for you today, whether it’s seeing Him in a new and significant way or the chance to spend time being truly present with those you love.

 

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Something New, All Year Long

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Hi. My name is Anna, and I am a die-hard fan of physical, paper, hold-in-my-hands planners.

Yes, we use Google for family calendar-ing, and I’m beholden to a Teams calendar for work, but I keep a paper planner on my desk which keeps my brain in the game and organized. I’ve used a paper planner since middle school, and I’ve kept many of them over the years, tucked away in my bottom desk drawer. Looking back through them brings me a sweet, bless-her-heart moment as I page through what I considered important enough to log at the time.

School assignments, work deadlines, and appointments for me, my husband, and the kids. Birthday parties, church, volunteering, events, sports, outings with friends, trips, and meal plans. I’ve kept track of much of my life in spiral-bound sheets of paper, the blank squares of the monthly layout inviting, while the lined weekly pages wait to be filled with to-do tasks. I don’t get fancy with decorating or tons of stickers — just my trusty favorite pen and the occasional sticky note or paperclip. I log it all.

My planner is cheerfully loaded up with baseball games, weekly meal plans, to-do lists, and PTO meetings. There are even a few trips, both for work and friends! I track my cycle and my spending, I track my tasks and my grocery list, and I plan dinners out and family nights in.

And all the while, I am met on the pages by the words of my friends and the Word of the Lord.

The 2023-24 (in)courage Something New planner is designed to take you on a journey to see what new thing God is up to. We’re ready for some fresh starts, right? God promises new mercies each morning, slates wiped clean, and rivers in the desert. Each square of this planner beckons with possibility as we ask God to faithfully transform our hearts to be more like His.

In every month of the new planner, you get to read an excerpt from a story by an (in)courage writer, sharing her heart for mercy, hope, wisdom, or peace… and always asking God to do something new. You can scan the QR code beside each quote or visit incourage.me/somethingnew to read the full devotions!

This 2023-24 agenda planner also provides the classic DaySpring planner features, including a durable laminated cover and tabs, a lay-flat design with continuous spiral, an interior pocket page, and generous space for noting your plans. Ooh, and I am giddy over the return of my beloved checkboxes on the weekly lined pages! Each feature helps me stay organized (or at least feel more organized than I actually am!).

Because, friend, no matter what season of life you are in, prioritizing and planning can help make the most of your time.

You will be inspired by the beautiful monthly art spreads, weekly verses, and inspirational devotions throughout. The notes section will help you write down quick thoughts to come back to, the pass-along prayer cards will encourage the heart of a friend, and there are even three pages of adorable stickers you can write on to help bring your planner some color and extra joy!

This is honestly my favorite planner, another beautiful design from (in)courage. See more pictures, get all the details, and buy your planner! Plan and walk through your days asking God to transform your heart.

And to remind you of this throughout the rest of 2023 and into 2024, we’re giving away THREE (in)courage Something New planners!

Just leave a comment on this article telling us about your experience with or love for paper planners. We’ll draw three lucky winners.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts!

*Giveaway only open to US addresses and will close at 11:59 pm central on 7/28/23.

Sometimes People Leave You

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“Sometimes people leave you.” The lyrics playing from my car speakers sink in my heart as I turn the corner and head home.

Today was not what I expected.

I live in a rather small community called Escondido. We’re a suburb of the big city of San Diego, but the surrounding communities are small and somewhat intimate. I’ve lived here most of my life. There is one big church and lots of small ones. It’s normal to see my old Sunday school teacher at Trader Joe’s or a high school classmate in line at In-N-Out. It isn’t all that uncommon to see my cousin at school pick up either. But there are certain people I never see . . . like my childhood friend who broke off our friendship years ago and lives just a few minutes down the road. Except I did today. I was caught off guard. I smiled and greeted her with kindness. I walked away and glanced over my shoulder to see her with her teenage daughters. Then, I got in my car with my kids and drove away.

I play the song again. That line snags my heart, “…Sometimes people leave you…” Our friendship ended nearly 20 years ago, but the slightest ache still exists inside of me.

The truth is, I feel embarrassed about admitting it. I should feel better by now. I shouldn’t care so much. But, I do. I loved deeply and I lost deeply. I spent years trying to figure out why, how, or what I could have done differently. I lost sleep. I lost weight. I lost a part of myself that I never imagined would return. The hardest part was the feeling of being misunderstood. I hated that I couldn’t defend myself against accusations. It hurt that assumptions were made that I couldn’t clear up. I had so many silent arguments in my mind that ended in tears or fits of anger.

Being misunderstood is so painful.

I pull into the garage and park, and the kids bolt out leaving a trail of trash behind them. It hits me how I’ve grown a whole new life without her. I’m not who I was before. I feel something. But this ache isn’t from being misunderstood any longer. This ache is gratitude.

Of course, I wish I could have become who I am without the pain. I wish I could have magically become secure without my soul being smashed. But, in the strangest way possible, I am thankful for who I have become through the loss of this relationship. It took decades to heal. And though that feels embarrassing, I can look back with compassion and recognize that healing takes time. When deep wounds gush, God goes extra slow. It took time to let go of not just a relationship, but my reputation. When she left me, I was left with a lot of personal rubble to clean up.

My natural tendency is to cling to my reputation. I put it in a glass jar. I protect it at all costs. I want to manage how people perceive me. But when my friendship shattered, my ability to protect my reputation also shattered. I couldn’t convince anyone that I was right and she was wrong. I couldn’t defend myself. I had to let go. Even though it was incredibly hard, surrendering my reputation was a huge part of my healing journey.

I had to give others the right to be wrong about me. I had to let go of the need to be seen as fully good in everyone’s eyes. I released my reputation. I placed myself in the judgment seat.

What was my defense?

I am a child of God. Period. Though judgments were cast in my direction, it turned out that this seat was not a seat of execution, but a throne of grace. This is where God found me. This is where I found Him. This is where slow healing started.

In the crevice wound where uncontrollable accusations hurled towards me and my pain was pierced again and again, yes, this was the place where God’s love poured in.

The song I’ve been listening to ends with the line, “You are not alone. Believe me. No one is alone.” And, I smile. I smile to myself the way I smiled at the woman who was once my best friend. I am not alone. I never was. In fact, I am whole. I don’t need her or anyone else to fully understand me. I am a child of God. The same God who took a beating and spilled blood because friends betrayed Him and His community misunderstood Him.

I came into His wounds and I was healed.

 

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Really Good News If You’re Struggling

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“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.“
John 15:1-5

Here’s the great news, friends: You were not meant to do life by your own strength!

God designed you to need Him. In the same way grapes cannot grow if they are not attached to their vine, so our lives cannot bear good fruit if we are not connected to the True Vine. God is our source of nourishment and guidance. HIS power is what fuels our growth.

If you’re feeling like a shriveled up grape today, weak or weary or wondering what your purpose is, it’s time to remember that you need to remain connected to Jesus.

How do we remain in God? Spend time in His Word. Talk to Him in prayer. LISTEN to Him in prayer. Do what God tells you to do, ie: obey His commands. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with everything you need to bear remarkable fruit.

God loves you so much!

Choose to remain tethered to Love today.

 

God Is Working in the Stillness

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Psalm 130

Out of the depths I call to you, Lord!
Lord, listen to my voice;
let your ears be attentive
to my cry for help.

Lord, if you kept an account of iniquities,
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
so that you may be revered.

I wait for the Lord; I wait
and put my hope in his word.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning—
more than watchmen for the morning.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord.
For there is faithful love with the Lord,
and with him is redemption in abundance.
And he will redeem Israel
from all its iniquities.

Stillness. It’s a place where I’m alone with my thoughts and the Lord. It’s a place my soul is learning to rest. Getting here has been a gradual journey. Some days my introverted side loves the quiet; other days the extrovert in me wants a community with hearts most like mine. At the core of stillness is surrender. So I press in, soaking up the truths that He makes me aware of.

Most recently, the stillness finds me at my middle son’s hospital bedside. Sickness has a way of bringing life to a halt. So I surrender my thoughts and plans for this time—to wait, to focus, to listen, and to rest in God’s unwavering faithfulness.

My son’s illness didn’t catch the Lord by surprise. With every detail or event that the Lord allows to touch my day I linger, waiting to hear His voice. In the quiet, He reminds me of a few simple constants that my heavy heart needs to recall.

1. When life takes a curve, rendering you helpless and powerless, know that He is fighting for you and stands guard over every overwhelming detail. “The Lord will fight for you, and you must be quiet” (Exodus 14:14).

2. When you are tempted to worry, pray instead. “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

3. Hold tight to your faith because He’s with you always. “Jesus replied to them, ‘Have faith in God. Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, everything you pray and ask for—believe that you have received it and it will be yours” (Mark 11:22-24).

Sometimes these things are easier said than done, especially when fear creeps in. But though we go through life’s trials, God never deserts us. In fact, He willingly laid down His life for us. For all the brokenness, the mistakes, the hurts, the barren places, and for every inadequacy we feel, His sacrifice covers it all. It’s in the stillness I remember that one day I’ll see His face, and all the longings in this patched-up heart will become obsolete. He will fill in all the cracks of my soul with a love that completely fulfills. I’ll be whole. What a comfort. What a faithful Savior.

So when you find yourself in a place where you’re forced to be alone with your thoughts, it’s a good place to be. For it’s there, in the stillness, we hear the Lord.

This devotion is by Melanie Davis Porter, as published in the (in)courage Devotional Bible. It has been edited from its original form.

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On Saturdays this summer, we’re sharing our favorite Psalms + select devotions from the (in)courage Devotional Bible. We’re loving our summer Saturdays (in) the Psalms with you!

When You Aren’t Hearing from God

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“Just because you’re not listening does not mean I didn’t say it!”

How many times have I shouted these words or something similar at my children? Enough that I’ve lost count. Whether I’m telling them what time we need to leave the house, or instructing them to put away their mismatched dirty socks (that, for the hundredth time, do not belong on the floor next to the couch), they seem to believe that if they don’t hear me say it, then I didn’t.

Unless they hear — and understand and remember — what I said, they truly don’t think I said anything at all.

Recently, my church focused for several weeks on the Holy Spirit. One of the first messages in this series asked us where we hear from God (or the Holy Spirit). Anyone familiar with my writing or with me won’t be surprised to know my first answer was that I hear from God through art, specifically pop culture such as books, TV, movies, and music. But I surprised myself when I realized I also have heard clearly from God and felt deeply connected to Him through nature. As a self-professed “indoorsy” kind of person, that wasn’t a pattern I’d noticed before.

We talked about this message in my small group later that week, asking each other where we most often hear from God and wondering if any one way is better. (Spoiler alert: I don’t think it is. I believe God speaks and ministers to each one of us in exactly the way we need when we need it.) Then one of my friends suggested we commit to praying the following week about this. She said maybe we should deliberately ask God to speak to us and then do our best to listen.

Friends, I did not like that suggestion.

My reaction surprised me. Why wouldn’t I want to hear more from God? Why wasn’t I excited to tune into the Holy Spirit and see what would happen?

The rest of the members of my small group thought it was a grand idea and all agreed. I sat quietly and then proceeded to go about my week as planned, without any such prayer. As a matter of fact, as the weeks of the Holy Spirit series progressed, I found myself pulling further and further away from the practices I normally lean on to nurture my relationship with God.

Read Scripture? No thanks.
Pray, for myself or for anyone else? Barely.
Write about God? Not a chance.
Talk about God? Not even to my kids.
Listen to worship music? Ha!

Last week as I sat listening to the final message about the Holy Spirit, I angrily wiped tears off my face. I didn’t want to cry. I wasn’t upset. And while I often am moved to tears during worship, the music had faded several minutes before and this wasn’t that.

This was an awakening.

My pastor laid out a metaphor, comparing the Holy Spirit to the wind in a boat’s sails. He referred to Scripture and shared illustrations and generally preached a fantastic finale to the series. Though some part of me listened to the sermon, what was pounding in my brain was, “Why isn’t God talking to me?”

I’d begun to admit to myself that I wasn’t hearing much from God these days. But between hearing about the Holy Spirit that morning and possibly hearing from the Holy Spirit, I was shaken with the realization that my claim that I couldn’t hear God didn’t mean He wasn’t speaking to me. It actually meant I was not listening.

And I’ll be honest. Just like my kids and their selective hearing, I haven’t really wanted to listen to God for a variety of reasons. So of course my spiritual ears closed up tight anytime He might have been whispering or even shouting in my direction. But just because I didn’t hear Him doesn’t mean He left me alone. It doesn’t mean He stopped encouraging and guiding and loving me. It doesn’t mean He wasn’t saying anything.

Maybe you’ve gone through a time like this. A rebellious or confused or just plain lost season, where you don’t really want to seek out God but desperately do not want Him to give up on you? A time when you fold your arms and stomp your foot and turn your head away, all the while hoping to feel His arms surround you anyway?

The good news for you and for me is that no matter how many times we ignore Him, no matter how long we plug our ears and avert our eyes, no matter how often we insist that we’re just fine on our own . . . God perseveres. He may be quiet. He may give us a moment. But He never leaves us. And as soon as we begin to seek His voice, we will find Him once again.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8

 

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Let God Transform Your Heart

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Living empowered to be like Jesus begins with the Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts. He wants to create in each one of us a new heart that embodies His hope, peace, wisdom, and mercy. When we have a heart more like God, we are able to be His difference-makers in our hurting homes and fractured world.

One way to grow in these areas is to study what God says about them – to look deeply into the Word to find the hope, peace, wisdom, and mercy the Lord promises.

If you want your heart to be transformed into a heart more like His, we can help!

Our series of four Create in Me a Heart of… Bible studies are the perfect guide to help you learn about God’s heart and grow in His ways. Each book in this series includes a six-week Bible study packed with meaningful teaching, real-life applications, daily prayers, and simple Scripture memorization. Perfect for individuals or small groups, each study is written by an (in)courage contributor and features stories each week from many of your favorite (in)courage writers.

You can use code CREATEINME to get the whole 4-study collection at DaySpring for $15 off + free shipping! Here’s a peek into each study:

Create in Me a Heart of Hope

Have you ever felt hopeless? Perhaps you’ve found yourself facing circumstances you never prepared for or even imagined, and while you’re desperately longing for some help or encouragement, you’re beginning to wonder if that will ever happen. Perhaps you’ve gone through something painful, and now, on the other side, you fear that experience has redefined you or redrawn your perspective in a way that has destroyed your belief in a greater good. Maybe you’re looking for any sign of hope, any hint of encouragement, any inkling that this—whatever your this might be— won’t last forever and won’t get the best of you. Maybe you’re afraid to hope, or perhaps you’re not even sure what hope is. God’s Word and this Bible study are here to meet you in that very place.

In Create in Me a Heart of Hope, we dive deep into Scripture to examine what we believe about hope. We look at how God offers us hope — real, certain, unshakable hope — when we’re waiting and when we’re overwhelmed, when we’ve been hurt, and when we feel trapped. Looking at where that hope comes from and what it looks like in our lives will help us understand what hope is and what difference it makes. It will allow God to create in us a heart of hope.

Create in Me a Heart of Peace

Does the idea of lasting peace seem like an impossible dream? When you turn on the evening news and hear of another mass shooting, when that person you were supposed to rely on proved untrustworthy again, when you scroll social media and are bombarded by digital finger-pointing, name-calling, and shame-blaming, it’s easy to feel that peace is elusive. It’s easy to believe that peace is something mythical reserved for fairy tales and one-week summer vacations, that peace can’t reach inside oncology wards and broken relationships. We all want peace. We crave an inner calm-meets-strength that doesn’t rattle with volatile circumstances or disappear with busyness. What if this kind of unshakable peace actually is possible?

Create in Me a Heart of Peace will guide you to discovering the life-changing power of God’s peace. Not a peace reserved for Sunday mornings or when you remember to pray before bed, but a peace that’s available to you right now, right where you are. God wants to reach into your heart with His peace when you’re exhausted from rocking a colicky baby or when you’re weary of being single. He wants to comfort you with His peace when you’re enduring another day of chronic illness or facing a conflict without a clear resolution. True peace isn’t a fable or a religious fabrication to make people simply feel better; true peace is a person named Jesus. You might already know Him, but there is more He has for you, more He wants you to experience as His beloved friend, lamb, and daughter.

Create in Me a Heart of Peace is for anyone who longs to know that God is real and present and constantly working on our behalf. Whether you’ve been reading the Bible for decades or you’re just finding out what it means to know Jesus, these pages are available to you as a guide to help you move through Scripture and discover what God’s Word says about peace and the difference it can make in your life.

Create in Me a Heart of Wisdom

We all want and need wisdom, but how do we get it? When we’re in a relationship with a toxic person and need boundaries, when our churches are divided by theological differences, when we don’t know how to navigate unexpected difficulties, knowing what the right, good, or wise thing to do is difficult. It would be easier if wisdom were formulaic and we could follow a set of rules to fix every tricky situation. But the wisdom we need is the kind that can guide us when there is no right answer, when choosing the best thing goes against our loved ones’ advice, and when it seems impossible to find a way through complicated feelings, relationships, and circumstances. We need wisdom to live life fully, and that wisdom comes from God. He understands our realities, sees beyond what we can see, and is the ultimate source of knowledge and understanding. In Christ, we have access to God’s wisdom through the Holy Spirit, who directs our steps and dwells within us.

Create in Me a Heart of Wisdom teaches that wisdom is learned by understanding knowledge, listening to the Holy Spirit, experiencing struggle, being in community, and practicing what we learn over a lifetime. It won’t offer solutions to specific problems, but it will offer spiritual insight and practical guided questions throughout the study to help you seek God and gain the wisdom you need. Discover the wisdom that is available to you when you ask God for it and learn to walk wisely with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Create in Me a Heart of Mercy

What does it mean to have a heart of mercy? Maybe you don’t feel like you are a particularly merciful person. Maybe you desire to cultivate a heart of mercy but aren’t sure how. Maybe you’ve been told you have a gift of mercy but would like to be more intentional about using that gift for God’s glory. God has a heart of mercy. He cares deeply for the widow, the orphan, the single mom, and the immigrant. The plight of these people weighs heavy on my heart too, but sometimes I’m not exactly sure what to do with these feelings. Just how does God want me to extend mercy to others?

Create in Me a Heart of Mercy is designed to meet you in your questions about mercy. You don’t have to travel to another country to understand God’s heart for mercy or to demonstrate it to others. This study helps us consider our own desperate need for mercy, and how we must first receive it before we are then called to extend mercy to others in our everyday lives and beyond. Create in Me a Heart of Mercy goes on a treasure hunt through Scripture to learn more about how to cultivate a heart of mercy, and studies the stories of Old and New Testament characters who were granted mercy and who multiplied mercy to others. Our prayer is that this study will encourage you to learn more about God and yourself. Friend, we are journeying alongside you!

Every week of these studies begins with a personal story from an (in)courage contributor, following our mission of “going first” with our hard, messy, real stories. Many of these stories begin in deep heartache but inevitably find their way back to God and the great gifts He’s given us of hope, peace, wisdom, and mercy. The other four days dive deep into God’s Word to discover the source of hope in our lives, how peace transformed the lives of different people in the Bible, and the impact wisdom and mercy can have on our lives today.

It’s never been easier to plan a full year of Bible study — just pick up your 4-study box set from DaySpring and remember to use code CREATEINME to save $15 + get free shipping on the collection! For more information + a free week from each study, a small group leader guide, teaching videos, and more, visit incourage.me/biblestudy.

Are you ready? Together, let’s ask God to create in us hearts of hope, peace, wisdom, and mercy. His heart in us changes everything.

 

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Hope for Hard Friendship Breakups

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I bounced into the nail salon, excited to give my nails a little spring TLC. A new-to-me nail tech with curly dark hair framing beautiful brown eyes met me and delivered a warm greeting. She waved me back to her station, and I happily took a seat in the white leather chair.

After a bit of small talk, she asked me if I was getting my nails done for a special occasion. I told her that I wanted a nail spruce-up before taking a trip with a friend.

“Oh,” she responded, matter of factly. “I recently took a trip with a friend, but…” Her brown eyes bobbed up to mine and back down again. “It didn’t go so well.”

I looked at her with furrowed brows and responded, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”

And that’s when she poured out her story, ripe and fresh as if it’d happened the same day.

Her friend, let’s call her Emily, was my nail tech’s best friend and roommate. She and her parents invited my nail tech, let’s call her Beth, on a cruise to Alaska. Beth was thrilled to be invited and planned her heart out for all sorts of Alaskan adventures. Emily seemed thrilled to share this experience with her bestie, too, and both girls reveled in all the fun activities the cruise offered. All was well until day three of the cruise when, suddenly, Emily became distant and aloof. Beth repeatedly asked what was wrong, and if she had done something to offend. Emily insisted she hadn’t, yet her behavior wouldn’t warm towards Beth. By day five of the trip, Emily coldly told Beth that their friendship was over. Beth, stunned and devastated, spent the remainder of the cruise on outings by herself or crying alone in her cabin. As soon as she returned home, she moved out of the apartment she had shared with Emily.

At the point in time when Beth shared this with me, she still had no idea what had caused Emily to suddenly and inexplicably do a 180-degree turn on their friendship. Emily’s behavior went beyond ghosting.

This sad story got me thinking: How does someone just cruelly terminate a longtime, important friendship on the turn of a dime? And why choose that course of action with no explanation? Talking things through may not save the relationship, but at least both parties could ask and share the “why” behind their decisions and have the opportunity to apologize for missteps.

If there’s a kind of change I dislike more than most, it’s a change in a friendship that I didn’t endorse. When this happens, it’s easy to lie awake at night asking all sorts of questions: Why did this happen? What did I do? What didn’t I do that I should’ve? Why is she handling it this way? We do this to try to make sense of whatever unexpected turn of events has left us reeling.

However, something doesn’t have to make sense for us to accept it. If you have a similar story to Beth’s (Oh, how sorry I am if you do), it’s okay to ask questions and ponder the “why’s” of what happened to dramatically change or abruptly end your friendship. But be kind to yourself by pivoting from questions with no answers to those with answers.

Here are 3 questions (and answers) that will provide a measure of relief and bring you to the truth:

  1. When a friendship breakup makes me question my worth, what does God say is true about me?
    Nothing in all of creation can separate me from the love of God (See Romans 8:31-39.)
  2. When my circumstances change for the worst, what do I know won’t change?
    Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
  3. When questions keep me up at night, what can I rest in knowing is answered?
    God says, “Never will I fail you or abandon you.” (Hebrews 13:5).

In addition to expressing my sadness and sorrow to Beth, I told her that the definitive turn in her friend’s behavior was an opportunity to have her eyes opened to the truth where a blind spot had been — to see now what she couldn’t before. The truth: Emily wasn’t a true best friend. And while Beth’s experiences with her hurt tremendously, and it was right to mourn the loss of a friend, perhaps she was saved from pain later on because of this break in the friendship now.

I told her, in the words of my friend, Salena, “Sometimes, rejection is God’s protection against what isn’t in our best interest.”

“Yes,” she responded, a weak smile on her face. “Maybe that’s it.”

While this is true, knowing it doesn’t magically take the pain away. But it can provide a perspective that lightens the heart.

Friendships change for all sorts of reasons. Some friendships are life-long, others are seasonal. Some end amicably, others tragically. Only the love of God can fill the holes in our hearts and make us whole — in spite of a whole lot of unanswered questions.

God loves us and blesses us through our heartache, and Jesus (our Friend who knew friendship heartache Himself) walks with us.

That is a truth that’ll never change.

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