Why Listening Is a Sacred Act

Why Listening Is a Sacred Act

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Have you ever needed someone to just listen? To be with you in the thick of whatever you’re going through?

I used to think presence was the mark of a good friend. But now I realize presence is even more than that; being with reflects the very nature of Christ.

Listening with care, humility, and attentiveness is a sacred act.

When a hurting woman reached out for Jesus, He stopped and was with her. He chose to be in the moment instead of rushing ahead to the next. He extended the divine gift of presence. Yes, Jesus’s power healed the bleeding woman, but He also listened. He didn’t give her a speech – He gave her what she needed.

We’re bombarded with opinions and stories every day. When I feel weariness deep inside my bones, I don’t need more words, perspectives, platitudes, advice, sermons, or first-hand experiences rehashed to me.

I need presence. I need someone to simply offer the gentle, Christ-like gift of listening.

In our hopes of connecting, we can sometimes focus on ourselves more than simply bearing witness to another’s pain. We want to connect an experience someone else is going through with a time in our own lives, but if we’re not careful, we can quickly make their pain about, well, ourselves.

When my preschool son was going through health struggles in the hospital, a well-meaning loved one shared their elderly mother-in-law’s medical woes with me, saying they completely understood what my family was going through. They were trying to connect but missed the mark. The earnest intent of their heart didn’t outweigh the hurtful impact on mine. I found myself in tears, wishing they would have just listened. The experiences and struggles were not the same – and their words, well-meaning as they might have been, left me feeling more unseen and alone.

Finding the right words can be tricky. It’s not easy to know what to say, especially when someone is experiencing a tough situation you haven’t personally walked through. Some of the most meaningful moments in my life have been when friends have simply acknowledged that I was going through a rough patch. After arriving home from a hospital stay with my son, hearing, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here,” meant a lot to me. It created space for me to share how I felt as I wrestled wIth complicated emotions and overwhelming circumstances. It made space for me to just be, dwelling in the company of someone who cared.

Now, when I find myself hesitating to reach out to someone going through a difficult time because I don’t know what to say – and I don’t want to say the wrong thing – I try to remember that presence matters.

Sometimes the best gift we can give is a listening ear. During an intense season of specialist appointments for my son, a friend dropped off a small bag filled with sweet and spicy tea, sea-salt-sprinkled dark chocolate, and a small candle. Nestled inside was a little note that said, “I’m sorry you’re going through so much. You’re not alone.”  She was with me from afar. She didn’t offer simplistic silver linings or try to center herself in my pain. She simply showed up. I felt cared for and seen. 

I think of her gentle gesture whenever I sip sweet and spicy tea.

Through the past year, I’ve had friends across the country who’ve grieved the loss of parents, experienced divorce, and endured a job loss. While many of these loved ones live too far away to leave a gift on their doorstep, I try to find other ways to show up –  a meal delivery, a $5 coffee gift card, a brief hand-written note – to let them know they’re not alone. If and when they want a listening ear, I’m available from afar, even if we can’t sip our tea together in person.

Throughout Scripture, Jesus modeled a listening steeped in compassion and empathy. He showed us that presence can be a sacred gift.

With God’s help, we can extend care with our presence. With our willingness to listen, we can reflect the love of our merciful, empathetic God by allowing our company to minister to someone who is hurting.

The next time someone you love is holding hurt, release the pressure to have the perfect words to say. Rest in the grace of a merciful God who shows up over and over again.

God, be near to us as we are near to others. Help us know when to speak and when to listen. In your great compassion, grow in us deep care for others. Help us be attentive to the hurting and present to the pain. Thank you for your never-ending, always-present mercy. Amen.

 

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Recall God’s Faithfulness and Move Forward

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I was in my hometown for a few hours the other day. As I drove over a hill, what I saw unexpectedly made me catch my breath and tear up. I hadn’t seen that church steeple in years.

I went out of my way and continued down the road so I could pull into the church parking lot. I parked and was all alone in my car. I listened to the children play at the preschool playground. I welled up with joy and thanksgiving that this was where I have such fond memories of VBS with water balloon fights and silly games. It had felt like a special place — what I didn’t understand at the time was the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I cried as I thanked God for my Sunday school teacher who welcomed me with a hug as I was crying not wanting to be away from my parents. She oozed grace and love in her slender figure and set the stage for me to hear about Jesus in a new and fresh way. I think about her fondly when I teach young girls at my church.

This was the place where I first sang to Jesus, not knowing that I was worshipping or the power of my voice. I don’t remember the songs, but I remember I was excited the choir director really “saw” me and wanted me to be a part of a group of voices singing about God.

This church was where deposits were made in me as a toddler, preschooler, and elementary student. God was pouring into my Spirit long before I knew who Jesus really was or that I needed Him. I liked it under that steeple, even if I didn’t understand why.

I didn’t know the full truth or have my eyes opened to God’s salvation yet, but God was faithful in this place to me long ago. I sat in the parking lot for just a few more minutes and allowed my unveiled eyes to see this place in a new light, in God’s light. He gave me a new revelation about how He has worked in my life in different seasons and how He has loved me through them all.

At the beginning of a new year or new season, we need to take time to recall and recount God’s faithfulness and what He has done in our lives, especially when we didn’t know what He was doing at the time.

I look back at my life and career and see God’s faithfulness clearly on display — whether in that church in my hometown, in a classroom, hospital, boardroom, or on a travel adventure. There are big moments we each recognize as pivotal moments where God led and we knew if He didn’t show up, His plans wouldn’t work. Jesus has done miracles in our lives and we need to take notice.

Co-founding (in)courage is one of those moments for me, both in my career and in my life. At just thirty years old, I had felt passionate about creating a place for God’s daughters for years. Many things in my career and life led to this point. God had given me the vision to start something new and then a partner in Holley Gerth and a place to try it at DaySpring.

The mission was for God’s daughters to be “in Christ” so they could be “in courage.” I knew without Jesus, we can’t be confident enough to do the things He calls us to do, in the small or big moments, much less cheer each other on while walking out our faith.

Back then, (in)courage was a new concept for Jesus-loving voices and creatives to gather and share what God was doing in and through them. It was trailblazing and fresh in a new realm of social media and the online space. The community God created behind the scenes, behind the screen, and in person was special and holy. If God hadn’t shown up, you wouldn’t be reading these words here. I didn’t know all that God was doing then.

I recall and recount what God has accomplished through (in)courage these last thirteen years and praise Him for allowing me to be a part — in vision, in business, and as an unexpected writer. Just as God called me into an adventure with Him in my faith and my work those many years ago, I sense His calling again. So, this will be my last article on (in)courage.

Because I can recount what God has done in the past, I know He will guide me on my next Jesus-led adventure. Do I have complete clarity as I write this to you about my next steps? No, but that doesn’t make it any less exciting.

I trust Him and know He will bring a fresh voice in my place that will bless you. I trust God that He is in the details and will work out His plans, whether I am present or not. I won’t be an active member of this community but will still cheer on what God is doing through (in)courage, the writers, and the readers.

If I can leave you with one parting message, a love note, per se, from me to you, this would be it:

Remember, God is faithful to you. Take time to recall. He will lead you on the greatest adventure with Him, perfect for you. Do not be afraid but allow Him to hold you and mold you. Have courage because you are in Christ. Do what He tells you, especially when it’s not easy, convenient, or doesn’t make sense. The Kingdom needs your obedience and loving faithfulness.

Thank you for being here. Love to you all.

 

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How to Deal with Toxic People

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God never meant for us to carry the burden of changing other people’s minds about us. He never meant for us to be responsible for other people’s emotional baggage, sin, and wounds.

I had to learn to create healthy boundaries, and I had to ask God for the courage to speak the truth to the toxic people in my life. This wasn’t easy for me. Maybe it’s not easy for you either. My father left when I was seven. My mother was not a loving person. She was verbally and emotionally abusive, always making me question my choices. My mother’s way of controlling me was to make me feel guilty, so in order to prove my love to her, I had to do X, Y, and Z.

But I have a loving heavenly Father who is rewriting those scripts. Because of Jesus, I don’t have to stay stuck in the painful and destructive patterns of my past. Jesus meets us where we are and invites us to a new life in Him.

On my healing journey, I recognized all the ways I repeated the long-ingrained, unhealthy pattern of trying to appease toxic people. I incorrectly believed that if only I could love them and care for them more or be kinder to them, then they would stop being toxic. You can’t change another person, but you can learn healthy ways to handle hard relationships.

Here are five tips for coping with toxic people:

1. Don’t stay silent. You matter. Tell someone about the toxic person in your life.
It is not your job to protect the toxic person who has hurt you. You need to protect yourself. You are worthy to be loved. The first step to protecting your- self is to speak the truth. You’ve tried with all your might to protect that person who is wounding or has wounded you. But suffering in silence is not what our loving Savior wants for you.

2. Create boundaries. Even if you feel guilty, it does not mean you are guilty.
The toxic person wants to exert control over the narrative of your relationship and life through their words or behavior. When you create boundaries, they will become upset and say things to make you feel guilty in order to keep you within the box of your fears, inaction, and silence. Just because a toxic person accuses you of being uncaring, overly sensitive, or selfish does not make it true. You do not need to justify your boundaries. You have the freedom to set boundaries to protect your well-being.

3. Enlist support and role-play conversations.
Being assertive and speaking up for yourself with a toxic person is a new, odd, and scary experience if you’ve never been given permission to do so. Not sure what to say or where to start? That’s okay. Don’t be shy to ask a loving friend to help you write a script and role-play the boundaries conversation with you. We all need practice and support in creating new patterns of relating. That’s what I had to do.

4. Limit the time you spend with toxic people.
People who are emotionally toxic are very good at intimidation, manipulation, and gaslighting, so be gentle with yourself. It is easy to feel confused, anxious, and scared, or to freeze up when you engage with a toxic person, so limit the time you spend with them. When conversations get overwhelming, stick to stating what they did or said, how it makes you feel, and what action you will take and the changes you will make. Do not ask the toxic person for permission to enact these changes. You are not seeking agreement. You are communicating your boundaries.

5. Grieve the death of expectations and dreams.
I had to grieve the death of my expectations and dreams for the ideal friend, mentor, and mom I longed for so I could grow into the daughter of a loving heavenly Father. It’s important to God that we trust Him with the truth, even if it hurts. We experience a powerful rest when we give God the burdens we were never meant to carry.

People sometimes ask me if I’ve forgiven my mother for the decades of verbal and emotional abuse. I have done the hard work of grieving and healing. I have forgiven my mother. She was my whole life, and I love her more than anyone may understand.

While forgiveness takes one person, reconciliation takes two. Loving our parent, spouse, friend, mentor, or pastor does not mean open borders to toxicity, fear, intimidation, or manipulation. We can begin to make different choices that are healthy for ourselves and that break old, hurtful patterns. We can stop being enablers for hurtful people in our lives so that they, too, can face the truth of their brokenness with God.

– by Bonnie Gray, excerpted from Come Sit With Me

Right now on weekend episodes of the (in)courage podcast, we’re airing eight chapters from our book Come Sit With Me: How to Delight in Differences, Love Through Disagreements, and Live with Discomfort  — and they’re read by the authors! On Saturdays in January and February, we’ll hear from Jennifer Dukes Lee, Becky Keife, Grace P. Cho, Kathi Lipp, Mary Carver, Jami Nato, Michele Cushatt, and Bonnie Gray. Friends, you do not want to miss these episodes! There’s something so special about hearing the words read by the author who penned their story.

Subscribe to the (in)courage podcast today, wherever you stream your pods, so you don’t miss a single episode. You can always catch up on the (in)courage podcast, listen to episodes from the archives, find show notes, and learn more about the DaySpring items mentioned during episodes on our podcast landing page.

 

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Jesus Never Asked Us to Count Calories

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It’s January, and for most of my life that meant I’d do three things:

  1. Come up with a Bible reading plan.
  2. Make a list of goals for the year.
  3. Start a diet.

This is what my life has looked like ever since I entered my first Weight Watchers meeting at the age of twelve.

I have spent over forty years trying to lose weight.

I learned from an early age that “normal” food was the enemy and that it was my job, especially as someone who wanted to be a representative of Christ, to look like I was without the “sin” of overeating. I definitely couldn’t eat like my friends. So I was a devotee of Lean Cuisine meals, cottage cheese, and dried-out chicken breasts.

Food was the enemy, and my job was to defeat the enemy and not eat the food. The holiest thing I could do was to starve myself.

If only I had enough willpower, enough strength, I could resist eating everything at youth group and after Sunday services at church.

These destructive patterns continued until I was older and had a family of my own. I would make a meal for them, then eat my Lean Cuisine in the other room so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat the “real” food everyone else was eating. Even for years after my kids had grown and had moved out of the house, I would continue to play tricks with my food — postponing meals for hours and then binging, asking my husband to hide food from me, and trying dozens of other ways to keep food over enemy lines.

But this year? I’ve decided to stop making food the enemy.

This is the first year of my life that I didn’t start a diet on January 1. Instead of spending New Year’s Day throwing out any food that could feel like a treat, we hosted our friend, Diane, who brought a feast of traditional Korean food to our house.

When I consider how God wants me to think about food, sharing a meal from my friend’s culture definitely ranks higher than calorie counting and “being good” (the term for eating any low-calorie meal in my house growing up).

I’m dedicating this year to listening to the body God gave me instead of listening to outside voices that want to shame me into buying their food, exercise, or supplement program.

If I’m hungry, I’ll eat, because that’s how God has designed my body to work. (Even though my “hunger signal” is all messed up from decades of dieting.)

I’ll move my body — not to lose weight but for joy — while dancing with my husband, exploring the outdoors with our dog, and taking care of the house and property God has entrusted us with.

Now, as I’ve spent more time in the New Testament, I can see that Jesus not only loved food, but meals were part of how He ministered to so many.

Jesus had a short time in ministry (the most important ministry to ever exist) but when I look at how Jesus dealt with food, He wasn’t slicing up some dried fish and grilled vegetables and walking to the next house. One of the biggest miracles He performed was feeding five thousand people (which was probably more like ten thousand since they didn’t count women or children). Jesus knew that physical needs had to be met along with spiritual needs.

For Jesus, food was not just about functioning.

For Jesus, the meals were the ministry.

He celebrated with others. When Jesus was at the wedding with His mom and they ran out of wine, He recognized that wine was an important part of the celebration. Not only did Jesus turn water into wine, but He gave them the best wine.

He contributed to helping the poor. He let the religious leaders of the time know that it mattered whether they served and loved the poor or not. “For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink” (Matthew 25:42, NLT). Through food, Jesus demonstrated that charity is about serving His beloved.

He communicated His values. Jesus spent a lot of time eating with “inappropriate” people: the sinful woman, tax collectors, and others who were considered God’s enemies. Jesus cherished each of these people, not just with words, but also in sharing meals with those others believed He should not have even been seen with.

He connected with those around Him. On His last night on earth, Jesus didn’t gather His closest people around a campfire or a pulpit; He gathered them around a table with food in order to eat together.

Food was important to Jesus. And what have I done? I’ve spent most of my life trying to pretend food wasn’t important at all. That I should be OK living on lettuce and 100 Calorie Packs. For some of us, one of the bravest acts we will partake in is untangling decades of lies about food and, instead of fearing food, actually finding the meaning in it.

If you also struggle with how you relate to food, maybe it’s time to rethink that particular relationship.

Be gentle with yourself. God is with you as you figure this out. You are not alone.

As with all of His most beloveds, He is at the table with you.

Want to learn more about worry-free living? Check out Kathi’s book, An Abundant Place.

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“I’ll Hold It with You”

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I was about to walk into a birthday party when my phone buzzed. After several months of waiting for appointments and tests, the results were finally here and the diagnosis was clear: cancer.

Again. Actually, again again.

Cancer keeps weaving its way back into our family story, climbing into another chapter, leaving its fingerprints year after year.

Just half an hour earlier, I twirled in my bright fuchsia dress, ready to celebrate.

I read the message again as I contemplated driving home. How can I walk into the party and not give it away? I wondered as I stared at my own reflection in the rearview mirror, eyes glassy and cheeks tearstained. Most of my closest friends were already inside, the ones who prayed for answers all year long, the very people I would have immediately called after reading the text — if they hadn’t been gathered for cake and karaoke.

I’ll tell them tomorrow, I decided, blinking furiously, determined to show up and not steal the moment. As long as one other person knows, as long as I’m not holding this on my own, then I can carry it with a smile for the next two hours. But two texts and three unanswered FaceTime calls later, my plan crumbled. Out-of-state friends were out at dinner or away from their phones. I gave myself a minute, reapplied lipstick, took a deep breath, and said, “Well Jesus, it’s You and me. Will You carry this with me? Help me bring joy to the room and then get me home.”

Half an hour later, a ruffled fuchsia dress danced around the room. But before that, before the chocolate cake or the group selfie or the mediocre but so very earnest karaoke, Jesus showed up to greet me at the door.

Oh, He looked like my friend Janie. His voice sounded like her whispered question, “Weren’t you supposed to find out today?” Jesus’s arms wrapped tightly around me and whispered, I’ll hold it with you, as I quietly replied “Yes, Dad has cancer. But tonight is for celebrating. I’ll tell everyone tomorrow.”

We danced. We laughed. We sang.

The joy was real. The sadness was, too. And for a few hours, I spun around and smiled wide, feeling the tension while knowing one thing for sure: Jesus was in the room.

Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time and a season for everything. I’ve often thought of verses 2-8 as stand-alone opposites — a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance — but sometimes we find ourselves in a season that seems to hold everything.

We blink back tears while twirling, carry a newborn while standing at a gravesite, and celebrate another year of life while wondering how much time remains. We discover grief and gratitude often go together and hope and heartache tend to hold hands. We sit in the tension of the in-between. . . and we find that Jesus is there, too. He’s there in the season of a lot, listening to every parking lot prayer. He joins us in the middle of the unknown, staying with us as we cry in the car, greeting us at the door, spinning us around on the living room floor, drawing us close and whispering, I’ll hold it with you.

Even the most overwhelming and seemingly impossible of circumstances is no match for the One who holds it all and says “this isn’t too much for Me.”

This season is stretching on. The path forward isn’t clear and we don’t know what’s next. But I’m resting in this as I reach for a bright dress, choosing to dance through the wait.

For everything there is a season, and the unchanging God will be with us in every one. Our circumstances don’t change His character and although our Right Now might be a lot, His hands are not too full.

We have a God who doesn’t tease, who sees the end from the beginning, and has promised to bring us all the way Home. No matter what tomorrow brings, He will carry us through.

If today’s post resonated and you’d like more encouragement from Kaitlyn, her book Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between will help you choose hope for tomorrow when today feels like a question mark.

 

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For When Life Is Hurried and Heavy

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My cooking has gotten worse lately. About a month ago, I shared some sweet potato chili with my family, and half the sweet potatoes were still hard as rocks. Last week, I cooked a dish I’ve made dozens of times, and I overcooked the sausage, until it was so tough it took twice as long as normal to chew through a piece. (And that was the meal I ended up bringing over to a friend, before realizing how much I’d overcooked it.)

Then I made a new breakfast dish, but I undercooked it, so there were watery eggs weeping out of the center. I also over-salted a batch of soup, didn’t bake one pizza long enough, then baked another pizza too long.

I often make mistakes in my cooking, especially when trying new recipes. But my errors have been happening more frequently — and with dishes I’ve been making for years. I can’t chock these mistakes up to inexperience. Rather, these errors are due to hurry.

I left the sausage dish in too long because I was doing other things and not paying attention. I took the eggs out too early because I was running out of time before needing to drive my kids somewhere. I didn’t let the chili simmer long enough because, again, I was jumping to the next thing.

I’m not leaving enough time to finish one task properly before I go on to start the next. My brain feels scattered and frenetic. I’ve taken on too much.

I’ve been darting back and forth through my days looking as frantic as a squirrel trying to cross a busy road. And, like those squirrels, I’ve left no margin for error, no space if I need to veer to the side. So when a meal requires five more minutes in the oven, or when an article I submitted needs more editing than I anticipated, or when a child requires a little more attention than normal, I’m completely thrown off course. There’s no time for those things, and I end up rushing around, living a haphazard life.

Our rushing, our doing too much, and our habitual overcommitment make life and work harder than they need to be. Jesus gives us an easy yoke and a light burden, but then we insist on adding “hurry” on top. And hurry always ends up being heavy.

We may have seasons in life that are busier than others. They require more of us, more of our time and energy and effort. But what God calls us to is never meant to be fueled by “anxious toil,” as Psalm 127 says. He doesn’t want us running on the fumes of our own messiah-complex, and He doesn’t want us living in frantic fear because we don’t trust Him.

One of my favorite passages is Psalm 131. The second verse says, “But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me” (Psalm 131:2, ESV).

If I were to describe the state of my soul, I probably wouldn’t use the words “calm and quiet.” Frantic and harried more accurately describe me most days. But even in busy seasons, chaos, or hardship, King David reminds us through the words of Psalm 131 that our souls can, in fact, be calm and quiet. We can slow down, refusing to live a life of anxious toil and instead resting in the arms of our infinite, sufficient God who cares for us like a mother cares for her child.

I’m still learning this, and I have a long way to go. “Hurry” can be a glittery temptation. It feels more productive and can sometimes make us look good from the outside. But hurry is not the way of a God who is never in a rush.

He’s a God who gave us the Sabbath and a God who crafted us to be finite. And He’s also a God who invites us to a life marked not by how much we get done or how well we can multitask. Rather, He invites us to set down the burden of hurry and live the life He’s called us to, all with a calm and quiet soul. 

Where Hope and Joy Are

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Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Colossians 3:2

What do you spend your time thinking about? Your answer is probably a long list of hope and dreams, fleeting worries and deep concerns, hard and holy and mundane things. Maybe today you’re thinking about how challenging parenting is or how desperate you for a different career. Maybe your mind is spiraling with anxiety or you just feel numb with depression. Perhaps you’re focused on your new year goals, hoping that your hard work and planning will pay off in a particular way. Perhaps you can’t think of anything else but your physical pain.

What’s is going through your mind today, Scripture calls us to set our minds on things above, not on earthly things.

This begs the question: what is above?

Heaven. God’s full presence. His power. His throne room where He hears our prayers. The Father’s house with many rooms, which He is preparing for us right now. A place of healing. A place without tears. A place of wonder and worship. Forever love. Forever belonging.

Take a deep breath and read that list again. What would you add to it?

We don’t even need to answer the second implied question (what are earthly things?). We are keenly aware of our troubles and sorrow, the brokenness that surrounds us and wreaks havoc within us. God isn’t calling us to ignore these things or pretend they aren’t real or don’t have an immediate impact on our lives. Rather, He is inviting us to set our minds — fix our thoughts, determine our focus — on Him, despite what’s happening here on earth. Because He is where our hope and joy are.

How does setting your mind on things above change the way you go about your day?

Be the Blessing

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If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care — then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message)

I’ll never forget the flight from LAX to DFW when I sat next to a mom and her young son named Jack. It wasn’t the “relax and prepare for my conference” flight I had hoped for. Rather, it was punctuated by a toddler’s kicks and shrieks and invading my personal space. But God touched my heart and asked me to exchange my frustration for the opportunity to be the blessing.

Be the answer to my prayer for kindness. Be the one who sees a stranger through God’s eyes of love and compassion instead of my own judgment and inconvenience. It was only Jesus in me that prompted me to get off the high horse of my own annoyance and pause in prayer for this struggling mama-son pair. I’m so grateful the Lord gave His Spirit to whisper to mine.

But it’s not enough just to hear. Our faith grows legs for change when we turn that hearing into doing.

The small shift from self-focused to others-focused, from perception to action, is the beginning of the simple difference.

Through the gift of flying next to Jack and his mom, I saw with fresh eyes how our lives are made up of millions of moments stitched together with countless opportunities to decide what kind of mark we’re going to leave.

At the airport, dry cleaners, doctor’s office, or school pickup; where you worship, work, walk, and shop; when you’re coming and going, when you’re waiting and complaining; whether you’re dancing in the rain or limping through the desert, on a dusty country road or a slick city street — in all places at all times, you and I have a choice: What kind of difference are we going to make?

Are we going to go through life on the autopilot of our own convenience and personal preference? Or will we learn to live with eyes wide open to the individual beauty and needs of the people around us? Are we willing to make our daily errands and agendas an ongoing opportunity to live soft and surrendered to the Holy Spirit’s leading?

This isn’t about totally changing the course of our lives; it’s about letting God change us and work through us in the very midst of our ordinary days. To say, As I go on my way, Lord, have Your way with me.

TODAY: Look for an opportunity to be the blessing in someone’s day.

This article was written by Becky Keife and adapted from her (in)courage book, The Simple Difference.
When the world’s problems loom large and your ordinary life stretches you thin, is it still possible to be a difference-maker? Absolutely! One small, intentional, extravagant act of kindness at a time. The Simple Difference: How Every Small Kindness Makes a Big Impact by Becky Keife will help you to stop getting buried in busyness and distraction and discover countless opportunities for impact right where you are. Rather than trying to do more, learn how to see more: more of the people in front of you, more of God’s lavish love for you, and more of His power within you. Grab a copy now. We pray it blesses you.

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Today on the podcast — a bonus episode! Listen in as Bonnie Gray reads her chapter, titled How to Deal With Toxic People, from our newest book, Come Sit With Me. Listen at the player below, or wherever you stream podcasts.

A Story of Learning Wisdom

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I stared at my phone, blinked several times, and looked back to see if I’d imagined the words. No, the stark sentences rose up from the phone like angled and curved little soldiers, marching right over my stunned, shattered heart.

My husband, David, seeing the shocked look on my face, asked me what was wrong. I handed the phone to him and collapsed onto the living room sofa.

“Am I being sensitive or is this ridiculously ugly?” I asked him in a shaky voice.

As he read the message, his eyes widened and he shook his head back and forth. He set the phone down hard on the end table next to me and said, “This is utter garbage, and I don’t think you have any business communicating further with this person. At all.”

In general, I’m one who doesn’t like conflict. While I’m capable of standing up for myself, some people’s strong personalities make me less inclined to do so. In situations like these, I lean toward wanting to smooth things over as quickly as possible. At the same time, I was so tired of the way this person repeatedly put me on the defensive by being hypercritical of every choice I made.

Like a lost traveler smack-dab in the middle of a forest, I couldn’t see how to take the appropriate next steps to get out of the woods. Should I take my husband’s advice and severely limit communication? But what about the fact that as a Christian I’m supposed to lay down my life for others and turn the other cheek?

Where is the line between having to spend time with difficult people we’re called to be around and needing to protect our hearts and health from their toxicity?

In today’s culture, it’s somewhat trendy for people to label any kind of undesirable communication as toxic. This can give us a handy excuse to ignore sentiments we don’t like. Of course, we do need people in our lives who offer us the gift of a painful rebuke from time to time. But their motive makes the difference — they are for us and not for themselves.

While we’re sometimes called to be in the vicinity of difficult people as the Holy Spirit directs, we don’t need to be in the vicinity of toxicity. Wisdom is found in knowing the difference. And wisdom is found in going to the right places for help in deciphering the distinction. After all, part of knowing where we belong is also knowing where we don’t.

In John 14:16 Jesus says, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever” (ESV).

The Holy Spirit is our forever Helper who informs us on a plethora of decisions, including how to maneuver difficult relationships. And sometimes the Holy Spirit will work through the voices of others to affirm what the Bible says.

The wisdom we seek in dealing with toxic people should point toward a measure of order, not further the chaos. The actions stemming from that wisdom should be motivated by love. And as I thought about my relational patterns with this particular difficult person, it seemed that the best way to love him was to set boundaries that were as much for him as they were for me.

If you struggle to take my word for it, then take Jesus’s word on the importance of establishing boundaries. He either walked away from people or let people walk away from Him over two dozen times in the four Gospels. One such time is described in Matthew 12:14-15: “But the Pharisees went out and conspired against him, how to destroy him. Jesus, aware of this, withdrew from there.”

Yes, when the time came for God’s redemptive plan to be fulfilled, Jesus did suffer and die for us. But He followed His Father’s direction — not other people’s — on when that would happen.

Jesus knew where He belonged, and He also knew where He did not belong. He used His Father’s guidance to direct His steps and to erect appropriate boundaries in each situation.

And Jesus knew something we all need to remember:

Sometimes being on the outside is the healthiest place to be.

So I set boundaries. And while that was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, it was also one of the most freeing. With wisdom found in Scripture through the direction of the Holy Spirit and validated through the voice of my husband, I had peace that setting these boundaries was the right decision.

And I could see how being on the outside of that relationship put me further inside God’s wise care and protection — the healthiest place to be.

This story was written by Kristen Strong, as published in the Create in Me a Heart of Wisdom Bible study.

What a powerful story of wisdom from the new (in)courage Bible Study, Create in Me a Heart of Wisdom, available now. With stories like Kristen’s woven together with Scripture study written by Grace P. Cho, our prayer is that this study will encourage you to seek the Lord and the wisdom He offers each one of us.

Join the online study and let’s seek hearts of wisdom — together.

 

Listen to today’s article below or wherever you stream podcasts!

Your Story Is Worth Telling

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The sky outside my office window was a dreary smattering of gray. I sat huddled at my desk, back hunched, staring at my computer screen for yet another afternoon zoom call. It was one of those brainstorming sessions, a work-meet for fellow activists and educators, to determine what big project to pursue next. I should have been excited. These are the kinds of conversations I live for and yet . . . I felt as dreary as the sky outside.

Plus, the tone of the meeting was feeling increasingly hostile. Certain individuals had started to dominate the conversation, and it was clear from people’s facial expressions and body language that not everyone was feeling heard. The meeting was almost over before I finally mustered up the courage to speak. I said something along the lines of, “In my experience, I’ve found that . . . ” But I didn’t even get a chance to finish. Someone interrupted me and said, “We don’t really need your perspective. I think we’re good here.”

I want to give this person the benefit of the doubt. I think they were trying to say that they’d already made a decision, and they wanted to wrap up the meeting. Their comment was mostly like a timing issue and not a cultural issue. Nevertheless, those words didn’t feel great. In that moment, I felt like my voice and my story were not worthy of talking space. Admittedly, after that meeting, I didn’t have much interest in continuing with the work of the group.

Throughout my life, I’ve found that most people have been told in one way or another at some point that their voice and story were insignificant. Whether from a family member, a boss, a neighbor, a friend, fill in the blank, most of us have had experiences where we felt unheard and like our voice was unwanted.

But what I’ve learned from God’s Word is that my story is worth telling, and so is yours.

We are storied creatures. We were made to tell the tales of God’s wondrous work in our life. Our stories are a testimony to who God is and how He’s working in the world.

I think about the psalmist who declares in Psalm 22:22, “I will praise you to all my brothers; I will stand up before the congregation and testify of the wonderful things you have done.” And, again, in Psalm 66:16, “Come and listen, all who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for me.”

No matter what conversation I’m having, I’ve learned the power of leading with my story. Whether I’m talking about a race-related topic, marriage, parenting, womanhood, you name it, I’ve learned to lead with my personal experiences.

Information is a very poor pathway to forming deep relational connections. Expressing an opinion is ineffective in ascribing nuance or subjectivity to a situation. But a story? Oh, how a story invigorates a conversation with connection and meaning!

Expressing your story is one of the most powerful conversation skills in your toolkit.

Think of your story as the key that opens the door to meaningful relationships and meaningful change. We need to eventually get to the table inside the metaphorical house and collaboratively communicate our ideas in a give-and-take exchange, but we won’t get inside unless we’ve shared our stories first. Stories are the key. Stories are the door openers.

When you know your story, and when and how to express it, you will dramatically change how you interact with others. You will set the tone for a much more respectful, honoring dialogue. You’ll show that the topic at hand isn’t just some fun intellectual exploration, but rather an issue that has true, personal resonance. You’ll also make it harder for the other person to disagree with you – because instead of sharing an opinion, you’ve shard a life experience; an experience that bears witness to God’s work in the world.

Receive this encouragement today: Your story matters. Your story matters to God. It’s needed by others.

Each of us has a unique story to share; a story that no one else can tell but ourselves about the goodness and beauty and restorative work of God. No matter what your context is, where you work, who your “people” are, show up with confidence and joy to share your story and to encourage others to share their stories as well.

God has entrusted you with a specific story, and sharing your story is essential to working toward healing, restoration, and unity within your context.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

The Surprising Gifts Waiting in Your Coldest Winter

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A few weeks ago, our part of the world was hit with subzero temperatures – the kind of temps that had my friends posting memes that said things like, “Why do I live where the air hurts my face?”

It was a cold snap that kept most of us indoors, unless absolutely necessary.

But at 8:28 a.m. on a brutally cold day, I made an exception to the unwritten winter rules. I put on boots, a hat, a thick winter coat, and – because the snow was so bright – my sunglasses.

Why, you ask?

For the sake of beauty.

For the last three years, I have become something of a winter evangelist – uncovering and proclaiming the gifts that are hidden in a season that is typically easier to hate than to love.

I don’t know who said it, but it’s true: “If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life but still the same amount of snow.”

Our neighbors are well aware of my obsession with winter, and so they texted that morning, “Look outside. It’s a sundog.”

In case you’re wondering, a sundog is an atmospheric phenomenon. It appears as spots of light on either side of the sun, caused by the sunlight refracting off ice crystals in the atmosphere. Sundogs can happen anywhere and any time of year, but they are most common on very cold days.

Sundogs are dazzling – like a halo of light, like a gift of God, like a reminder that there is still beauty to be found even on the coldest kind of day.

So for two minutes, on the most frigid morning of the year, I stood outside and beheld the beauty. I did it, because I needed to remind myself that winters aren’t just for the biting, stinging, icy things. They are also for the dazzling, lit-up, splendid things.

We all need that reminder, and I don’t mean primarily for the winter seasons that happen outside our door – but for the winter seasons that happen inside of our hearts and homes. In life, our very souls shiver inside the iceboxes of disappointment and despair. We would prefer to live in the warmth and light of spring and summer, or the fruitful seasons of autumn harvest. But lo, we find ourselves in the bleak midwinter, when frosty wind moans and water’s like a stone.

Two days ago marked what is known as Blue Monday, the third Monday in January. It’s recognized as the most depressing day of the year for a variety of reasons. Christmas is long over, with its twinkling lights, good food, and fun. It’s dark, dark, dark. Well-intentioned resolutions are already out the window. And sometimes? Well, sometimes, it feels like a lot of work to simply get out of bed.

I have felt all of those things in the bleak midwinter. Yet, it is clear that we don’t get a pass from winter.

In fact, God created literal winter, placing it in a natural life-cycle system that moves through four seasons. Each season is part of God’s plan to maintain our earth.

Winters are not an accident. Winters are not a punishment. Winters are intentional.

God Himself “set the boundaries of the earth, and … made both summer and winter” (Psalm 74:17, NLT).

So what, then, are we to do in the unavoidable winter seasons of the soul?

In my ongoing exploration of winter, I have contemplated an intriguing fact. Winter is not only a noun. It’s a verb. And winter as a verb compels us to ask ourselves: What does it mean “to winter,” and how can we do it well?

The Apostle Paul wintered. He wintered because he knew it was unsafe to travel by ship. He planned ahead, knowing winter would come. “For I have determined there to winter” (Titus 3:12, KJV).

In one such wintering, Paul spent months on an island where he encountered people who were unusually kind. They built a fire and welcomed him because it was so cold (Acts 28:2). A lot of rest and healing happened during his wintering time. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?

Paul’s wintering seasons gave him three key gifts: safe harbor, opportunities to share Jesus in a different kind of way, and moments of abiding with others.

You may not live in a part of the world where the air hurts your face, but there’s little doubt you will go through figurative winters as you move through life. Instead of figuring out how to escape cold seasons, perhaps we can learn how to winter well within them.

To see winter seasons as safe harbors.

To encounter Jesus in unexpected ways.

To gather around cozy fires.

To abide.

And, perhaps, to look to the skies and find a dazzling surprise, shining like a sundog on the eastern horizon.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

A Letter from Becky on New Things and Deep Roots

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Dear (in)courage Sisters,

Five years ago I stepped into the role of Community Manager here at (in)courage. It’s a role that’s allowed me to talk with you through books, Bible studies, and social media, to shepherd our contributors, and to help set vision and direction for new projects. But perhaps my favorite thing about working behind the scenes is praying for this community. I love praying for you through your brave comments. I love praying as a staff and writing team, seeking God’s direction, clinging to His unwavering grace and strength when everything else seems to be unraveling.

Personally, professionally, globally, it’s been five often-hard, always-stretching, ultimately-beautiful years.

As I pause to reflect on all of God’s faithful fingerprints, pause to pray and press my ear to His heart, listen for His voice and what He has to say about the next year (or five), I hear the ancient reverberation of Isaiah 43:19a:

“For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”

I love this coupling of what God has already begun and the new thing He’s about to do! This was certainly true for the Israelites — God’s chosen people, rescued from captivity in Egypt, guided and provided for in the wilderness, brought into the promised land, all in preparation to receive the promised Savior. And it is certainly true for each of us.

God is working in our lives every day. Isn’t that great news? Whether you’re in a season that feels oppressive or seems directionless, a season of questioning God or relishing in His miraculous provision, a season of floundering or flourishing, God is with you and He is working on your behalf.

The season you’re in today is the continuation of God’s long story of redeeming all brokenness and the beginning of fresh growth.

Yes, God has begun and He is about to begin!

I feel this in my bones for myself, for my family, for you, dear sisters, and for (in)courage.

It’s important to both recall God’s track record of faithfulness and set our hearts to a posture of expectancy; to see what He’s done and to set our sights on what He will yet do.

For (in)courage, I think about the hundreds of thousands of words written in daily articles and recorded on the (in) podcast. We’ve created Bible studies about being courageous and letting God transform our hearts. We’ve written books about taking heart when life’s not okay, the power of kindness, and loving well when differences and disagreements feel insurmountable.

Why? Our (in)courage purpose and prayer in all things is that, as we look for God’s fingerprints in our imperfect stories and walk through Scripture together, we will be empowered to be like Jesus and live every day for Him.

Yeah, I’d say God has surely been answering this prayer!

So where do we go from here? How do we hold the goodness of all God has done (along with the heartache of living in a messed up world) and prepare ourselves for the “something new” God has promised?

In our individual lives and as a community, we can take our marching orders from Colossians 2:6-7:

“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

Friends, we continue. We continue devoting ourselves to authentic living, Scripture, and Jesus. We keep showing up in articles and comments (and our everyday lives) with raw stories and real hope. We keep linking arms as sister’s in Christ — God’s chosen daughters — and following Jesus wherever He leads.

Are you with me?

It’s one of my greatest joys to serve here at (in)courage. I pray you come to this little online living room and feel at home, welcomed, and loved by others. But even more, I pray you encounter Jesus. I pray you are held up and called up. I pray that together this year we will grow deep roots in Christ while expectantly watching for the new things God will do.

So much love,

Becky Keife
Community & Editorial Manager for (in)courage

P.S. If you were here with us five years ago, you might remember that Colossians was foundational in setting the new direction for (in)courage. How very like God to bring us back here with a reminder to continue. Makes me smile.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

Embracing the Gospel of Together

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When my children were small, I wanted them to know Jesus. As the African-American mother of bi-racial children, I desired a church where my kids could see the gospel of Jesus lived out in a loving way between people of different races and cultures. It bothered me that I’d grown up singing that Jesus loved all the children — red and yellow, black and white — but I’d seen Jesus-followers look at other-colored brothers and sisters in Christ in unloving ways.

I’d seen an advertisement about a new church meeting in a school. I grew up in a traditional Black Baptist church, so it was a little weird going to church at a school. As I opened the doors, I wasn’t surprised that none of the adults looked like me. But I was shocked when two small African-American children ran by and disappeared around a corner. I looked for their parents but gave up and went into the auditorium. People were friendly, but it was still uncomfortable for me. It was a similar feeling that my Caucasian friends would describe when they drove across the unfamiliar side of town at night and got caught at a traffic light.

The pastor came out and introduced himself by his first name, Lee. My eyebrows raised because that kind of informality was shocking to me. At some point in the message, Lee mentioned that he and his wife were foster parents and I realized that those two little Black kids were his foster children.

That was the moment I decided I would attend that church.

Not only was I grateful to hear Lee teach about the gospel, but he also lived the gospel — lived like he truly believed God loved the whole world, meaning all people. The pastor not only embraced color but invited color into his home with love.

Far too many Christians get defensive or uncomfortable when skin color comes up in church. Let’s not forget that color was divinely created by a holy God and therefore, inextricably woven into the gospel story. Racism is an injustice against God’s creation that grieves the heart of God. Therefore, our problems with race and color need the blood of the cross, too!

For centuries around the world, the topic of race is and has been one of the biggest barriers between Jesus-followers. Even after the massive civil rights movement of 2020, the most segregated space in America is still within our churches. If the gospel that we preach is only to people who look like us, we’re robbing ourselves of witnessing the full beauty and glory of what a colorful gospel looks like. The early church shows us an intentionality few churches have today. Most of all, the early church shows us the blessings that we’re missing out on.

After the Day of Pentecost, Peter taught and thousands came to Christ. Then, Acts 2:39-47 documents how all the believers met together. Who were all the believers? You better believe that “all” included Jesus-followers from different races and cultures who’d come to Jerusalem. They had differences in how they looked and lived, but they still intentionally tucked themselves around communal tables. Look at what happened next. Notice the word “together” after their activities:

Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.
Acts 2:46 (NIV)

After the sermon, people didn’t have to continue to worship together, meet together, or eat together, but they chose to! As a result, non-believers were attracted to the remarkable community. Non-believers were probably astonished by the unlikely love and shocking unity between people who looked and lived differently. That visual scene plus the power of the gospel message resulted in many non-believers getting saved (Acts 2:47).

It’s my belief that we can never be the best version of the gospel if we’re not connected to those who look different from us but are an essential part of our “together.”

As a Black person, I’ve wondered often why God created us with different skin colors because it has created much hardship and heartache. Yet, God shifts the atmosphere of any struggle when we let Him in. So, if God’s character is love, grace, holiness, and justice and we invite God into the abyss of our racial struggles, then God’s glory will overpower what we can’t fix on our own.

In the most well-known civil rights speech of all time, Dr. Martin Luther King cast his vision. Notice how Dr. King’s words reflect the beauty of the Jesus-followers’ togetherness in Acts 2:

“I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.”

Dr. King is right. God’s gospel glory is revealed when we as believers are intentional about standing together. Maybe today God is prompting you to pray about finding the Jesus-followers who are the other part of your “together.”

If you are passionate about the gospel and excited about taking a new fresh dive into your faith this year, check out Barb’s new book, Finding Jesus in the Psalms.

 

Listen to today’s article at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

For His Faithful Love to Us Is Great

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Praise the Lord, all nations!
Glorify him, all peoples!
For his faithful love to us is great;
the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever.
Hallelujah!
Psalm 117

January is a natural time for making goals and embracing fresh starts. But it’s also the perfect season for praise! A time to intentionally remember who God is and what He has done in our lives.

No matter how your 2022 ended or whether you’re dreading or delighting in the start of 2023, we can all answer the psalmist’s call to praise the Lord, to glorify Him, to raise a hallelujah!

Praise primes our hearts to see God’s love, to see His fingerprints of faithfulness all over our lives.

Sometimes God’s love is like a flashing neon sign you can’t miss: the declaration of “cancer free,” a check in the mail exactly when you needed it, a reconciled relationship you had totally written off, freedom where there was once total bondage. And sometimes His faithfulness is truly like a fingerprint whose smudge you would likely miss if you weren’t trained to look for it: an encouraging text from a friend, a parking spot in the rain, leftovers so you don’t have to cook dinner, a bird’s morning song.

Whether we categorize God’s kindness and care toward as as “big” or “small,” the truth is that His faithful love to us is GREAT! And it will never end.

How have you seen God’s faithful love in your life this week? Share in the comments so we can praise Him together!

 

 

 

Womanhood Is a Valuable Gift from God

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Our father died in the wilderness. He was not among Korah’s followers, who banded together against the Lord, but he died for his own sin and left no sons. Why should our father’s name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father’s relatives.
Numbers 27:3–4

“It’s hard to be seen, let alone respected, as a woman in the workplace— especially as an Asian American woman. Unless I’m wearing a blazer and high heels, the assumption is that I should be the one getting coffee for the group instead of the one leading the meeting.”

The rest of us at the table—women of various ethnic backgrounds and across the career spectrum—nod our heads in agreement and lament that this has too often been our experience as well. Unless we appear taller, older, more domineering, or even more masculine, we’re not taken seriously or seen as professional.

Another woman shares how she’s held back tears in ministry meetings because she knew her opinion would be discounted. She would’ve been deemed “too emotional,” and therefore her empathy and heart for justice would’ve been overlooked. I can see the anguish and anger in her face when she talks about how powerless and diminished she felt in those situations and how she longed to be valued without repressing her emotions.

I’m stunned by the commonality of our pain. I had thought I was the only one who was seen as “the cute Asian girl” instead of the professional grown woman that I am, and I’m relieved that I’m not alone in feeling overlooked and undervalued.

At five foot one, with a round face, eager smile, and chipper attitude, I feel as though I’m playing dress-up when I take the stage at a conference or sit in leadership meetings where I’m the only woman in the room. I’ve learned along the way that heels and a blazer do make a difference in the way I’m treated and that tears indicate weakness, not strength.

Furthermore, and sadly, I’ve seen women in Christian spaces who are looked down on for the way they dress if they’re highlighting their best physical features or who are laughed at for their intelligence or their courage to fight against misogyny.

I despise that I’ve needed to and chosen to suppress who I am to some extent in order to fit into the likeness of what others—and especially men—have said about who and how I should be.

My womanhood is not a liability to myself or to anyone else. It is a gift.

I hear this message most clearly from those outside of faith circles, but in the quietest parts of my soul, I know it’s true in God’s eyes too. Though the stories of the Bible are set within patriarchal cultures, there are glimpses of God’s heart for women throughout the arc of Scripture. The daughters of Zelophehad are given their father’s inheritance in the promised land right alongside his other male relatives (Num. 27:1–11). Jesus is born of Mary (Luke 1:26–38), and Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba are all included in His genealogy. Mary Magdalene is the first messenger to bring news of the resurrection (John 20:11–18).

I see myself particularly in the story of Zelophehad’s five daughters. Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milkah, and Tirzah have the audacity and the strength of sisterhood to confront Moses, Eleazar the priest, and all the leaders of Israel to demand that they be recognized as legitimate heirs of their father’s land. They challenge the cultural expectations, history, and laws of their people, which do not favor women. Moses brings their case before the Lord, and God responds, “What Zelophehad’s daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father’s relatives and give their father’s inheritance to them” (Num. 27:7).

Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milkah, and Tirzah knew their value, and they made it known to everyone else. They set a precedent for women to be audacious and valued, and in God’s approval of their request, I see His approval of my worth as well.

Father, You see me fully. When You breathed life into me, You breathed pricelessness into me. When it seems that my womanhood is a liability for others, help me to remember that You made me a woman on purpose and that You value me as such. Make me audacious and bold like the daughters of Zelophehad, like Jesus Himself. Amen.

This article was written by Grace P. Cho, as published in Empowered: More of Him for All of You.

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Today on the podcast — a bonus episode! Listen in as Grace reads her chapter titled Mending a Marriage That Was Falling Apart, from our newest book, Come Sit With Me. Listen at the player below, or wherever you stream podcasts.

When Suffering Feels Too Long But God Is Right on Time

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A couple of years ago, we left a church where we had not only invested our time and money, but entrusted our souls to the leaders. When we left because of misuse of power and the neglect of women, it was heartbreaking but we were okay . . . ish. The pandemic was raging on and our focus was sort of elsewhere. Not only that, but the political climate was tenuous and demanding. I was also writing a book and had plenty of work to hide myself in. So in short, I didn’t really focus on that trauma because I didn’t have to, there was no space for it. And I don’t really like to focus on the bad anyway. Where are my fellow Enneagram 7’s at? We do well at reframing everything and it serves us. For a time, that is. 

Fast forward to this summer. I turned in the last chapter of my book, the pandemic seemed like a thing of the past, politics were a bit quieter, and then all of the sudden, there was nothing pressing for me to spend my time on. I certainly wasn’t going to write another book (No, O God, beseech your servant and don’t make me go through that again). I went on long walks, listened to jazz, and composed a novel in my head. Maybe I’ll sit down and write it out this winter, I thought. When it turned cold, I didn’t want to sit and write at all, so I started painting.

Though I am not the next Picasso, it occurred to me that I might be taking an accidental sabbatical. It was nice to create differently and I tried not to wonder what was next for me. With the space and time, I found myself working on several projects surrounding women of the Bible for speaking engagements and podcasts. I also had to work on an internal project about these women for the church I am now a part of. Yes, even though I was hurt inside the church, I still love her and am drawn to her. I just couldn’t quit the Bride of Christ. 

As the projects correlated with one another, almost coincidentally, I couldn’t stop seeing women popping up all over the place. Because I had the time, I began studying, listening to podcasts, learning to understand the Hebrew context, and reading the Greek and interlinear Bible for hours upon hours each day. I was ravenous and the Word was living and active. It was like I was starved for so long, I couldn’t stop feasting! What’s more, I found myself weeping as I read the impact these women had on the Church, how Jesus included them in His ministry as important co-laborers, and how He was so tender toward them.

I had not experienced this expression of Jesus in my old church which deeply wounded me, and what God was doing with all the “coincidental” projects wasn’t about gaining more knowledge — He was healing me with His Word.

I didn’t ask for the healing, though I needed it desperately. I didn’t make space to deal with my wounds on purpose; He created that space for me. I didn’t have an eagerness to learn about women in the Bible; He made projects come my way so that I would have to see His eager proximity to women in Scripture. And God did it in His perfect timing, though I had been suffering for many years.

It was like scales were falling off my eyes and deep wounds that I band-aided were being stitched, salved, dressed. I was coming back alive after a very long sleep, dead in many places. It reminded me of a story about Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, some of Jesus’ very close friends.

So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.” But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not meant for death, but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.” (Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister, and Lazarus.)So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.
John 11:3-6

When Jesus finally travels to Judea to be with His friends, He sees Mary weeping, and all the others in deep despair, and “Jesus wept.” Even though He knew He would raise Lazarus from the dead, Mary and Martha’s sadness, their despair, were His also. But what interested me the most was that Jesus waited. He waited on purpose. He waited for the death to occur so that the people at the tomb, and for generations to come, would see the glory of God in the resurrection of Lazarus. He let Mary fall at His feet. He was not afraid of her strong emotions and her unabashed declaration of “If you had only!” No, Jesus wept with them, He allowed the desperate tears and the death — and then He commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb! 

Here’s good news: Jesus is still restoring the dead to life, you and me included. He is still commanding us out of the tomb, unbinding us from the burial wrappings of trauma and hopelessness, in perfect timing, even when we wonder where He was and why He waited so long. If you feel like you need a resurrection, you’re in good company. You serve the God of death to life! He did it for me, and He can do it for you.

 

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