The Sweetness of God in the Middle of the Dillard’s Shoe Department

The Sweetness of God in the Middle of the Dillard’s Shoe Department

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My first child got married a few weeks ago, a celebration bubbling with joy and beauty and illuminated by the presence of God. On a day when so much can go wrong, everything went right. As Thomas and Gina exchanged their vows, I was wrecked in the best of ways, encouraged by their exquisite expressions of love. I felt a mother-kinship with Mary as I treasured all the things (Luke 2:19). And, try as I might, there was no damming up my Niagara of happy tears.

I’ve been introspective ever since. The weeks leading up to their wedding were a flurry of travel, obligations, and to-do’s. I barely had time to consider how God was revealing Himself to me, yet He was and powerfully so. One of my favorite stories happened when God showed up in a sweet but unexpected way. First, a backstory.

Ages ago, I remember judging a girl in our couple’s Bible study group. Her wedding day was fast approaching, but her bridesmaids’ shoes hadn’t yet arrived. When our class leader asked for prayer requests, Shannon shot up her hand and asked us to pray for the shoes to get there on time.

Sitting around that circle were members struggling with health, job insecurity, marriage, and infertility — in my estimation, legitimate reasons to pray — and, here, Shannon was worried about matching bridesmaids’ shoes.

I scoffed at her absurd request and chalked it up to evidence of her spiritual immaturity. Meanwhile, I swelled with spiritual superiority. Sigh . . . thankfully times (and hearts) have changed.

I hadn’t thought about this in decades, until my son’s wedding day was fast approaching. I found myself frantically searching for a dress. Though I had purchased one to wear six months earlier, it wasn’t going to work after all. The ten to fifteen pounds I was sure I could lose clung on for dear life. (Two pounds a month had seemed so reasonable back in October . . .) The best seamstress in the world couldn’t conjure the magic my dress (or rear end) needed. Spanx might well work wonders, but only Jesus can work miracles.

After an exhaustive and sometimes panic-riddled search as the date loomed, I finally found a dress, only to discover my go-to sparkly shoes now had my feet screaming for mercy while my seamstress pinned my dress for alterations. I didn’t want to go shopping for shoes, but unless I wanted to be hobbling at my son’s wedding, I needed to.

Apparently, COVID impacted inventory. Repeatedly, salespeople told me their dress and shoe volume were a fraction of what it was pre-pandemic. “We didn’t think anyone would want party shoes,” explained the DSW worker pointing me toward the sad, little selection of 4” stilettos. Those, on me, would’ve been a recipe for disaster.

I found myself out of time the Saturday before Thomas’s wedding. On Monday, my seamstress needed to know the height of my shoes in order to hem my dress. It wasn’t that I was being overly picky, but my dress demanded a particular color, safety demanded stability, my feet demanded comfort, and vanity demanded style. (Piece of cake, right?)  

By the time I got to Dillard’s, the shoe department was teeming with women. Sales associates were a haggard blur. A quick scan of their shelves told me I was in the right place, at least. They had an extensive selection, and I prayed they’d have something in my size.

Instantly, I remembered Shannon’s request thirty years ago, and, humbled, I understood the desperation that leads to such prayers. The irony of my circumstances — praying for wedding shoes — was not wasted.

Almost immediately, I met Michelle, a lady more desperate than me, looking for shoes for an event that night. We shared pictures of our dresses and offered suggestions of what to try next. I noticed another lady seated among a pile of shoes, and her style suggested a kindred spirit. When she looked up smiling sympathetically, I asked her if she would be my friend for the day and tell me what she really thought about the pair I had on. Heather took one look at the picture on my phone and said, “Gorgeous shoes, but they won’t look good with your dress.”

“But, I like ‘em, and they feeeeeeel good!” I whined. She held her ground (what a real friend would do) and told me to keep looking.

Other ladies asked to see my dress picture, and suddenly I had a whole team of stylists offering their opinions, picking up shoes from displays I hadn’t yet seen. Judy, Angela, Rain (that name!) needed shoes for themselves, and yet they were helping me! We were a band of strangers turned friends.

Ours was a simple solidarity born of helping one another, and it struck me: isn’t this the way of Christ? To serve rather than be served? When I finally found The Ones, everyone cheered. The salespeople smiled. My feet whispered, “Hallelujah!”

With new shoes in hand, I left Dillard’s with a buoyant heart. It’s impossible not to be affected by God’s presence. We expect it at church or during a wedding ceremony but not so much in a department store. And yet, right there in the middle of a last-minute shopping frenzy, I discovered the sweetness of God.

My immediate need had been met when I found the perfect pair of shoes – a generous answer to a surface-level prayer – but an even greater need was satisfied too: I had experienced God through the lovingkindness of others.

Philippians 2:4 sprang to life in the actions of my fellow shoe shoppers: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” It would probably surprise them to know how moved I was by their collective help, but even small gestures of kindness reflect the glory of God. People have needs. People are hurting. Being kind and loving to the strangers around us might just give them the glimpse of God they’re desperate to see. 

When You Feel Like You Take Up Too Much Space

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See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1 (NIV)

I love traveling. I love airports too. Flying, though? I hate flying. See, I’m overweight. And while that fact is always present in my thoughts, never am I more aware of my extra pounds than when I fly. I hate flying because I take up too much space.

If I have the choice, I always choose an aisle seat. I hold my breath and suck in my gut and pray that the seatbelt will latch. And then I spend the next few hours squeezing my legs together and digging my elbows into my sides as I try to avoid taking up any extra space — in the aisle, in the seats, in the air.

My scrunched-up and sucked-in body language, along with my apologetic glances and occasional “sorrys” after the inevitable bumps and elbow rubs, is one big apology.

I’m sorry for taking up too much space.
I’m sorry for being too big.
I’m sorry for being in the way.
I’m sorry I’m kind of sweaty from speed-walking to the gate.
I’m sorry I reached over you to turn on my fan.
I’m sorry my leg bumped your leg.
I’m sorry I’m in the way.
I’m sorry you have to sit by me.

Maybe you fit just fine in an airplane seat. Maybe it’s something else that makes you hunch your shoulders and stare at the ground with red cheeks, apologizing for part of who you are, for just being yourself.

Are you clumsy? Perpetually late? Awkward? Too talkative? Too loud? Too quiet? Too sarcastic? Too much? Too real? Too you?

No, you aren’t. You are wonderful. You are loved. And when God looks at His creation (that’s you! and me!), He says, “It is very good.” Regardless of how anyone else sees us, we are God’s workmanship and masterpiece — and He lavishes His love on us.

If you’re tempted to apologize for who you are or how you are, please don’t. Remember that you have a right to be here, to take up space — in a conversation, on the airplane, in the grocery store aisle, at the mom’s group, in the world. And no matter how much space you take up or how you take up that space, you are welcome and wanted and loved.

Thank You, Lord, for being a safe place where I am called good, where I take up just the right amount of space, where I am seen and loved and welcome to be who I am, how I am, just as I am. Even saying that calms my heart and lets me breathe deeper. Give me the strength to truly recognize that no matter how anyone else sees me, I am God’s workmanship and masterpiece, and I am loved. Amen.

This devotion was written by Mary Carver and appears in our devotional Take Heart: 100 Devotions to Seeing God When Life’s Not Okay. This collection of courageous stories from forty-four different authors is where you can find your story reflected — from struggling with weight, anxiety, and depression to suffering through miscarriage and grieving the death of a husband; from experiencing injustice and questioning our purpose to walking through church disappointments, loneliness, and infertility. The Take Heart writers share from the depth of their hearts and experience so that you will know beyond a doubt that you are not alone and that you are — and always have been — loved.

Get 5 devotions from Take Heart for FREE — just sign up below and we’ll send them right to you. This book is an offering of hope, from one heart to another — sister to sister, friend to friend. We pray it helps you take heart and bravely face whatever you’re up against.

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Be Generous with Your Influence

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Welcome to Bible Study Monday! We are walking through our newest Bible study, Courageous Influence, right here with you. Each week we provide the reading assignment, a really great discussion video featuring three (in)courage writers, a quote of the week, reflection questions, and a prayer. All you need is your copy of Courageous Influence and an open heart, and we’ll take care of the rest!

So far we’ve discussed:

  • Week 1, which began with a foundational statement: You are a woman of influence,
  • Week 2, which revealed that influence is about where God has placed you and your willingness to say yes to Him,
  • And Week 3, which explored what it means to be a person of integrity in using our influence.

Now we turn to Week 4, which teaches us to be generous with our influence.

Reading Assignment

This week, read Week Four: Be Generous With Your Influence, on pages 111-144 in the Courageous Influence Bible Study. Grab your copy and start reading!

Quote of the Week

Keep this quote in mind as you read Week Four:

We never know when a word spoken or a kindness shared may have a lasting impact on someone.

– Grace P. Cho in Courageous Influence. Feel free to download this quote to share with a friend!

Discussion Video

Three of our (in)courage writers invite us into their conversations about Courageous Influence! Join study author Grace P. Cho along with Becky Keife and Kathi Lipp as they discuss each week of the Bible study. Listen in on their conversation about Week Four (and find all the weekly videos here):

Reflection Questions

In the comments below, answer and discuss the following reflection questions:

  • How can we be cheerful givers of our influence (finances, skills, energy, investment, or your presence) without feeling resentful or entitled to something in return?
  • What are some of the ways God has provided generously for you? (p. 136)

Let’s Pray Together

Lord, You are a God who sees, a God who notices and has compassion. Thank You. I pray that I would be able to hold the influence You’ve given me loosely — not hoarding it for a special few but offering it generously to many. As Jesus has done, so help me to do the same. Amen.

Get a FREE week from each of our Courageous Bible Studies (including Courageous Influence) and find free leader resources here!

Remember, answer the reflection questions in the comments so we can discuss Week Four together! We’ll see you back here next Monday to begin Week Five: Be Intentional with Your Influence.

When Stepping Aside Makes Room for Others to Flourish

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I heard my husband stirring. He’s an early riser so I wasn’t completely surprised, but it seemed awfully dark.

I squinted at him and mumbled, “What time is it?”

“It’s 2:30,” he said. “I’m getting up to ride my bike trainer and watch the Olympics.”

“You’re crazy,” I chided him, then rolled over, and went back to sleep.

Maybe you weren’t as committed as my husband to get up in the middle of the night to watch your favorite Olympic events live, but I’m guessing you watched some of the Tokyo Olympic Games this past month.

I feel like we all desperately needed the Olympics during this season. After all the lockdowns and loss, the Olympics certainly felt like a bit of starlight on a dark night.

The Olympics is always brimming with human stories of tragedy and triumph, hard work, courage, and overcoming. Anything can happen on the world stage of the Olympics. That’s what we love about it.

One of the most compelling Olympic stories that unfolded this year was gymnast Simone Biles making the decision to pull out of the team event and all-around competition. Simone, who is considered the greatest gymnast of all time, bravely shared on her own social media platforms and in interviews that she was stepping aside to take care of her mental health.

Commentators and spectators alike were shocked, but a flood of support also followed her decision to step aside. She was making a statement to the world that she was more than her athletic performance.

Sometimes stepping aside is just as important as stepping up.

By Simone stepping aside, she opened the door for her teammates and other athletes to step up and show their talent.

That’s how Sunisa Lee, an eighteen-year-old from Minnesota, became the Olympic all-around gymnastics champion representing the United States. Suni competed not just for herself but also for her family, her community, and all the first-generation Americans. She also trained tirelessly and hoped to take home a medal to honor her father, who suffered a spinal cord injury in 2019, and she became the first Hmong-American to capture the gold.

And Simone was there on the sidelines cheering on her teammate.

I can’t stop thinking about these two young women — Simone and Suni.

Both of them have garnered the deep respect of the world because one stepped aside and another stepped up.

On a much smaller scale, I remember being challenged to make a life-changing decision seven years ago after my husband went to heaven. He and I were directors of a non-profit organization in Haiti, but after his death, I had to decide if I would continue our work with the non-profit.

After agonizing and praying, I decided it was time to step down from my role. I knew my three young daughters needed some stability as we all navigated the loss of my husband and their daddy.

This was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I was saying goodbye to my friends, the ministry my husband and I had poured our lives into, and my sense of calling.

But I felt confident in my spirit that it was the right thing to do. I knew that the board of directors would feel more freedom to make important decisions without me, and I knew God would raise up new leaders because the ministry ultimately belonged to Him.

Sometimes stepping aside to care for ourselves and let other people step into their callings can be humbling and hard. But this is exactly the kind of radical humility Jesus modeled for us.

So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.
John 13:4-5 (NLT)

On that night when He bent low to wash the grimy feet of His disciples, He was communicating a deep love and profound lesson about leadership. Jesus washed His disciples’ feet to prepare them for the future. In a short time, He would be going to the cross — the ultimate act of humility — and then eventually returning to the Father. He washed their feet to equip them so they could step out into ministry too.

“And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”
John 13:14-15 (NLT)

Jesus is clear that He wants His disciples to follow His example. He hopes for them to lead with humility. He longs for them to love lavishly by serving others. He eventually commissions them to bring the good news to the world.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is to bend low so that we can lift others up.

Simone Biles did this at the Olympics.

And Suni Lee stepped into her purpose because of that. She took home the gold, but she didn’t do it just for herself. She did it for all of us.

Friend, is there a way you can leverage your own position or privilege to help someone else flourish?

To read more from Dorina about flourishing in your God-given calling, check out her books, Bible studies, and subscribe to her weekly Glorygram.

How an Almost Ruined Vacation Helped Me See God’s Provision

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In Luke 10:25-37, Jesus tells a story about a man who had been robbed, stripped of his clothes, and left for dead on the side of the road. When two religious men saw him, they crossed the street to avoid him. But then another man walked by and noticed the wounded man. Instead of moving away from him, he moved towards him. He bent down and bandaged the man’s wounds, took him to an inn, and paid for the care he needed to get well.

This isn’t just a story Jesus told; it’s the story He lived — a story that paints a picture of who He is. Filled with compassion and concern, Jesus always moved closer, not just with words but with action. Compelled by love that wants to help when we’re hurting, Scripture promises that He is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

I needed to be reminded of these truths recently when our family was on a long-awaited vacation and my husband, J.J., got stung by a stingray during our second day there.

I was on the porch when I saw my twenty-three-year old son running towards the house yelling for me to “get something to stop the bleeding from dad’s leg!” We didn’t know what had happened, only that something large and very sharp had pierced J.J.’s ankle, near his Achilles tendon, and he was in horrific pain.

I ran back inside to find towels to wrap around his wound and started praying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”

All of us went into panic mode, insisting we needed to call 911. We needed to elevate and bandage his foot. We needed to wrap something tightly around his leg in case it was poisonous, to stop it from spreading into his bloodstream.

I called 911 and gave my phone to J.J. to tell the dispatcher what had happened. While he was talking and I was praying, I felt compelled to go see if maybe someone staying in the house next to us was a doctor or a nurse. I walked over and knocked on the door, and sure enough one of the moms was a pediatric nurse. She immediately grabbed her large first aid kit and came with me to our place.

Her medical background brought assurance and her presence brought calm to our state of panic as she took J.J.s blood pressure and bandaged his leg. She stayed with us until an ambulance and emergency medical team arrived.

A few minutes later, a woman I didn’t recognize walked up to the porch and introduced herself as Deb, our rental home’s property manager. She “happened to be nearby” and saw the ambulance. She stayed until we left in the ambulance, to make sure J.J. was okay and to make sure I knew how to get in touch with her so she could arrange transportation back from the hospital late that night. I had no idea how big of a provision Deb would be in the hours that followed.

We were staying on an island in South Carolina that’s only accessible by ferry. The nearest hospital was on a larger island thirty minutes away. It would take two ambulances and a ferry to get us to the ER, where we would wait for hours to get X-rays and antibiotics to prevent infection.

While in the ER, we met a family with a little boy who had an infected appendix. J.J. offered his spot on the ER waiting list to help him be seen sooner. Several hours later, while I was trying to get an Uber ride back to the dock in time to catch the last ferry at 11:30pm, that little boy’s grandpa heard me talking and offered to give us a ride.

Because of his kindness, we got to the dock just in time and made it back to the island by midnight where Deb met us in a golf cart and took us back to our beach house rental.

When the trauma of J.J.’s injury happened, we were both in shock and scared. As time passed, we grew frustrated and upset, knowing he would be in pain for days and our desperately needed vacation may be ruined.

We were hoping to recover from two months of extremely difficult circumstances, one after another in the weeks leading up to our vacation. Our whole family was together for the first time in months. We needed downtime, laughter, and fun. Now another injury and disruption threatened to highjack all we had hoped for.

Feeling a little abandoned by God, we questioned why all of this was happening. But in the midst of our disappointments and painful moments, Jesus showed up in so many ways, to take care of us again and again. Each person who met us in our need reminded me of how Jesus will never just walk by us. He promises to come to our side, to bend low, to provide for us, and be with us.

When trials threaten our peace or our responsibilities, jobs, and failures discourage us, instead of being overwhelmed by our lives, God wants us to be overwhelmed by His love. His love is present and powerful, and no amount of stress or pain, struggle, or circumstance can keep us from Him.

With outstretched hands, Jesus came to bind up our wounds and care for us. No matter what we need, He moves in close, offering healing for our hurts, comfort for our concerns, and rest for our weary souls.

What Labels Have Been Put on You? Here’s What’s Really True . . .

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Stressed. Depressed. Anxious. Frustrated. Broken.

The labels stick to our hearts, covering our identities until we can’t see who we are anymore. We come to believe that our struggles and circumstances define us. But those are just descriptions, not determinations. Who you are doesn’t change based on the kind of day, week, or year you have. You are a child of God, someone loved beyond all you can imagine, no matter what.

A friend going through a difficult time called me. As we talked, she kept repeating the same phrase: “I guess I’m just the girl who has this struggle.” I finally stopped her and said as gently as I could, “That’s where you’re at right now. It’s not who you are.”

You see, life’s obstacles are temporary. Who you are is eternal.

My husband and I visited Canada a few years ago. Imagine if we had stepped into a coffee shop and the baristas had asked, “Who are you?” and I had answered, “I’m a Canadian, y’all.” They would have taken one look at my touristy tennis shoes and listened to my Southern accent, then shook their heads in bemused disagreement. I imagine you would do the same. Because you understand this: there’s a difference between a visitor and a citizen. And “we are citizens of heaven,” declares the apostle Paul (Philippians 3:20).

When we look at what’s happening in our lives and say, “This is who I am,” it’s much like me declaring myself a Canadian just because I crossed the border. As my friend and fellow (in)courage contributor Jennifer Dukes Lee once wrote me in an email, “We don’t have to be a ‘citizen’ of the ‘place’ we’re standing in right now. I’m not a citizen of Sad City, a resident of Rejectionville, or a townsperson of Trouble Town. I have a citizenship in heaven.” Your circumstances may change, but who you truly are remains forever the same. Your identity is eternally secure in Christ.

What words have you been using to describe who you are based on where you are in life right now? Whatever comes to mind is where you’re at, not who you are. It’s your current location. To help shift your perspective, rewrite those words as phrases that show they aren’t part of your identity. For example, “I’m going through a stressful time right now” or “I have experienced a divorce” or “I’m battling an illness.”

Once you know who you’re not, it’s time to ask God one of the most important questions of all: “Who am I?” Perhaps there’s no more important time for seeking these answers than when we’re in the middle of a bad day or a hard season. We lean into God’s heart and ask, “Who am I in spite of this? Tell me what’s true about me no matter what happens.”

I love how Hebrews reassures us that “it is impossible for God to lie” (Hebrews 6:18). Your circumstances will lie to you. Your emotions will lie to you. Even other people will lie to you. But not God. “This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls” (Hebrews 6:19). Your identity is secure. Nothing going on in your life can change it.

Join me in prayer today: God, nothing that happens to me in this life can change who you say I am. My identity is secure in you forever. On the days when I’m tempted to believe where I am is who I am, remind me of what is true. Amen.

This is an excerpt from Holley Gerth’s upcoming devotional, What Your Soul Needs for Stressful Times: 60 Truths to Protect Your Peace. If you want to live with more peace and less pressure, more calm and less chaos, more worship and less worry, What Your Soul Needs for Stressful Times is for you.

Unhindered: Is Your Stuff Keeping You Stuck?

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I still have a thirty-year-old picture of my dad taken in our family’s garage. You can barely see my 6’4” father sitting among heaps of junk.

At the time, we wouldn’t have known what to call it, but my brilliant, gentle dad was a hoarder. Between electronics in his garage, and old magazines, tools, and manuals in his home office, there was only one path to get from the door to his chair in any room he had dominion over. My mom tried to keep it contained, but like Sisyphus trying to roll the boulder uphill, she lost her battle daily.

Every time I entered that garage as a teenager to do laundry or dig my way to the mailbox, I remember thinking to myself, “I will never, ever live like this when I get my own home.”

But then came marriage and kids. Like many young moms in the 90s, I fancied myself a crafter. (I was great at buying all the supplies. Using them? That was another story.) I also envisioned myself a salesperson. (How many multilevel marketing kits did I buy to become my own boss?) Plus, to be a great parent, I bought my kids Brio sets, a doll house, and every Barney VHS tape. My life eventually resembled my dad’s garage. No sense, no order — just an abundance of chaos and confusion.

I couldn’t figure out why I kept buying things I didn’t need or had such a hard time getting rid of things I no longer used. I would gird myself to do a clean sweep, but when it came down to it, I found it impossible to make a dent in my possessions. I would sit in my garage for hours trying to make myself give things away, only to talk myself into keeping the most inane items (a back-up egg beater?) in case I might, someday, need one.

I finally started to research why it was so hard for me to get rid of clutter. As I investigated, I realized it wasn’t laziness (as I had secretly suspected), but my battle was, in many ways, a spiritual one.

Based on my research, I have determined three main reasons for overwhelm with clutter:

The first reason is we keep items out of fear — fear of having to spend money again, fear of being thought of as wasteful. We think, “I might need it someday,” even if we’re not using it now and we haven’t used it for years. Someday, I might need that catcher’s mitt from seventh grade softball, and I would hate to have to rebuy it.

Another reason is guilt. Guilt shows up by saying, “But so-and-so gave it to you.” We may have a complicated relationship with the person who gave us the object or regrets about something with the giver. We feel like giving away the object is giving up on the relationship or dishonoring it in some way. But things are not relationships. If guilt convinces us to keep an item we don’t need or love, we’re replacing real relationships with objects.

The last thing I connected with clutter overwhelm is shame. We think, “But I spent so much money on it,” then punish ourselves for bad money decisions by holding onto something for a long time, somehow justifying the cost because of how long we’ve had it. It’s as if we can’t allow ourselves the grace to say, “I’ve made a mistake. I should not have spent the money on this item. It may be too late to take it back to the store, but I can make sure someone else can use it.” We can redeem the mistake by giving the item to someone who can’t afford it but will really use it. There is no redemption in the back of our closet.

Spending time getting rid of our possessions is a spiritual act — one that can bring hope and healing. Every time we declutter, we rid ourselves of unhealthy attachments, unhealthy ways of thinking, and unhealthy entanglements that keep us from moving forward toward the life God has intended for us.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

And this is exactly what I started to do — throw off all that was hindering me.

In my growth.

In my relationships.

In my walk with God.

When I finally got serious about getting rid of the excess in my life, I admit it was painful. Why was it so much easier to put my trust in stuff than in God’s providence? He has provided for my needs in the past, and He’ll be faithful to do it in the future as well.

Now that I’ve committed to change my relationship with stuff, passing by the dollar bins at Target is easier and easier. I believe God smiles a little bit wider when I walk on by.

Do you also struggle with clutter overwhelm? I believe in you. I believe you can throw off that hindrance too. And when you do, know that God delights in you.

To learn more about the freedom and peace decluttering can give you, check out Kathi’s FREE Clutter Free Kit and Quick Start Video Kit!

Every Rejection Is an Invitation to Open Doors Meant for You

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When I was a little girl, my dad shared some life-long wisdom with me. He told me, “What is meant for you will be for you.” He was referring to the times I auditioned, tried out, or went for something — cheerleading, a role in a play, a win on the track — but fell short of my goal. He assured me that not making it was okay because perhaps that particular thing wasn’t meant for me, that what was meant specifically for me would still be waiting, holding space for me. As a child, my dad’s wisdom softened the sting of all the rejections I would experience in life. 

He taught me to see rejection not as a closed door but as a nudge in a more specific direction. In high school, when I didn’t make the cheerleading squad, I was disappointed. But my dad’s encouragement did not allow me to digest the missed mark as an indictment or judgment of my capability. Instead, I considered it as being invited to a moment, an event, or an opportunity of which I was not currently aware. I learned to see rejection as a force drawing me towards a space where I belonged. However, it’s not easy to dust off disappointment to focus on an invitation to an unknown.

As I grew up and matured in my understanding of God, I realized that my dad’s wisdom resonated with God’s character. Essentially, it is because of who God is, that I can confidently peer past disappointment to push toward discovering an opportunity that awaits me. 

And what do I know about God? 

The Old Testament prophet, Jeremiah, wrote a letter of encouragement to the Israelites who were in exile. He shared with them God’s words: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). Through Jeremiah, God revealed that the Israelites could trust He had a greater plan in place for them. And although their situation felt bleak, they could hold on to hope because He wanted them to flourish, not fail. I can’t count the number of times I have felt the devastation of rejection, but knowing that God wants me to thrive, not die on the vine, has inspired me to pick myself up and look for the promised plan. 

Then, in the New Testament, the apostle Paul, wrote to the Christians in Rome who were facing persecution, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Similar to Jeremiah’s revelation of God, Paul was helping the early Christians understand that though they experienced adversity, God was their Ultimate Defender. They could trust in God’s authority, so much so that they could respond to hate with love! I think we can agree that returning love for hate is evidence of true trust in God’s intentions. I remember being devastated when a leader I admired believed lies about me and thus planned to thwart my progress. But God had put me on that particular path to thrive, so her plan to block my path failed. Despite her position and perceived power, God progressed and prospered me.  

Over the years, I have experienced rejection in all types of ways. However, because of who God is, I have learned that each closed door ushers me towards doors designed to welcome me. Though I did not make the cheerleading squad in high school, I earned a spot on the school’s new flag team, where I grew as a creative and as a leader. I received rejection letters from three universities when I applied to their doctoral programs. However, I was available when I was extended an invitation to apply for a doctoral program in Curriculum and Instruction, where I experienced the most fulfilling study of my college tenure. And five years ago, I was told no when I asked a church leader to incorporate my racial healing curriculum into the small group study teaching rotations. Her no invited me to create and build an entire education platform online, which has now hosted numerous courses and thousands of learners — far greater than a few small groups. 

I am extremely grateful that while I was young, my dad shared God’s truths with me: What is meant for me will be for me. I don’t have to worry about missing out on an opportunity or be anxious about someone taking something that “belongs” to me. I’ve learned to trust that God wants me to flourish and thrive and protects the plans He has for me. Therefore, I don’t have to take rejection personally. I don’t have to dedicate significant energy and time to figuring out how to recover. I simply get to rest in the hope that rejection invites me to a clearer, more focused direction towards that which has been designed and orchestrated specifically for me.

As you face rejections, closed doors, and “missed” opportunities, may you know that God has a plan for you, goes before you, and has your back.

How has rejection rerouted you to an open door of opportunity? 

How a Word from God Came to Me When Nothing Went as Planned

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It was the most boring pregnancy, until I went into labor. Second pregnancies are a bit easier because you understand what to expect. Everything was going normally — even the nausea and vomiting that lasted the entire pregnancy — just like the first time. Then my water broke. I was at mom’s because my dad had to go out of town that evening. She watched my baby girl as my husband and I rushed to the hospital. Jayson, my sweet husband who came to every doctor’s appointment, was ecstatic to finally hold this little baby boy. But something just felt off in my spirit.

As we were driving, I became overwhelmed by this sense of worry, and I didn’t even understand the reason because I was prepared in every way to have this baby. Jayson asked me what was wrong, and I didn’t know how to answer the question. I played some worship music and began to pray to help ease my anxiety. Then the Holy Spirit impressed the word cord on my mind. I didn’t quite understand because I had been to an OBGYN appointment the day before, and she hadn’t mentioned this word. But I prayed quietly in my heart for my baby and my body.

Once we got to the hospital and I was all set up in my bed with some epidural, I began to feel better. As my nurse left the room she asked if I wanted to lower the volume of the monitor that allowed me to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I asked her to keep it because it was soothing. Minutes went by as my husband and I chatted about things, and I realized I couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat. I asked him to go check the monitor and as he was walking, two nurses rushed to my side. I began to panic. I don’t remember what happened next except they placed an oxygen mask on my face.

After several attempts to readjust things and reposition me, they told me the problem was “the cord.” Tears began to flow from my eyes. I was scared, but I wasn’t crying because I was overwhelmed by fear. Rather I was overwhelmed by God’s love. I grabbed my husband’s hand and said, “God told me in the car it was the cord!” God prepared me in advance and had me praying even before we were aware of the problem. I laid in that bed feeling a lot of emotions with a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I was anxious, tired, and scared as I watched my husband pace the room texting all our loved ones to pray. I didn’t know how this story would end, but the one thing I was certain of was that God knew.

That night as I lay in the hospital bed, the only peace I had was knowing that God knew this was part of my birth story. And He loved me so much He shared a glimpse of it and whispered into my spirit to pray for my baby. So as weak and tired as I felt in that moment, I encouraged myself to fight in prayer. Nothing went as planned but when I held my baby boy on my chest, I understood why I wanted to name him Gideon.

We learn about Gideon in Judges 6-8. He was an unlikely choice to lead the Israelites, yet he became perhaps one of the greatest judges. When God called him a “mighty warrior,” he was hiding in fear from his enemies, and uncertain about the future, he kept asking God for signs of confirmation. In response, God kept showing up, affirming him and building his faith. Gideon went on to win some of the greatest battles, and even when God would give strange military commands, he obeyed because he had learned to depend on God. 

God is sovereign. He knows the end from the beginning. Often, He will show us the next step but not the whole path — mostly because He knows we can’t handle it. He doesn’t have to share any details with us, but in His goodness and love towards us, He chooses to reveal glimpses. It could be through a word, a verse, or a song that keeps coming up. Or it could be through a person or situation that creates unrest, thus pulling you into God’s presence. What He does in your life today could be to prepare your faith for the next season.

Maybe like Gideon or like me in that hospital bed, you are feeling weak and afraid. I want to remind you that God sees you in your state of doubt and anxiety. and He does not condemn you. Rather, He comes close to you. He calls out the potential He put inside of you, and He is building your faith to fight.

He is with you, mighty warrior.

When You Feel Lost, There Is Always a Way Back Home

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As an elementary school kid growing up in Tokyo, I had more freedom than I did as an older kid once we moved back to the United States. Tokyo was known for its safety when we lived there. School kids were often alone on buses, sidewalks, and subways.

My first playdate with a friend was scheduled sometime in the second or third grade. I rehearsed our plans for meeting and counted how many stops until Shinjuku station, again and again. We met under the big clock outside the station and had the best time. It was going home that I hadn’t rehearsed as much. I’d figured if I made it there, it would be easy to get home again.

I went back to the station I’d arrived at and got on the subway, remembering the number of stops back. I counted them as the train slowed and quickened, only this time the names sounded unfamiliar. I got up to look at the map, trying to sound out the names, looking for my stop. Then it dawned on me that I was on a subway going in the wrong direction. I got off at the next stop and the sinking feeling of being lost weighed heavy on my shoulders. The strangers I was surrounded by seemed even more strange as my mind moved from panic to thoughts of what to do next.

I used to have dreams of being lost with no way home as a kid. I don’t know if they came after this experience or before it, but what I do know is how afraid I’ve been of being lost, in every sense of the word. Being a Christian has only heightened it in some ways. Early on in my faith journey, when I was still getting to know Jesus, I wondered and asked many a mentor if there was a point of no return. I wanted to know if one could ever be so lost they wouldn’t be able to come home again.

Haven’t you wondered the same?

It’s easy to take security in knowing. We’re comforted by map lines and boundaries. We love knowing where we are and who we are and what the next stop is. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s healthy and good to know where we are, and using the tools we have to guide and safeguard us are good things.

But knowing what it means to be found requires the prerequisite of being lost.

When I finally figured out how to get on the right subway, the feeling of joy and relief was unparalleled. I sat on the bench with my skinny knees clapping for joy. Home meant something more than it had meant just thirty minutes prior. I found a payphone and called home to tell my parents and found them already trying to figure out what had happened, having kept their eyes on the time, aware of where I should have been and when. Home was watching out for me and looking for me even when I didn’t know where I was or how to get where I was supposed to be.

When we are most lost, we are no less loved. When we are most lost, Home — God — is looking for us. There is always a way back home, even when we can’t see it.

I’ve felt a little lost post pandemic, or if we aren’t post pandemic, post year one of the pandemic. All the changes and shifts within me and surrounding me keep me feeling like I’m on the wrong train, going nowhere fast, and alone.

I thought being where we are would mean community in the ways I understood community before, but it hasn’t been that. It’s been awkwardness and clumsy footing, emptiness and loneliness, and a recurring dream-turned-reality of lostness.

Maybe you feel it too, friend — lost and a little weary of trying to find your way back to something. You aren’t alone, and Home is looking for you. You don’t have to strive or hustle. You don’t have to try to set your ducks back into neat rows or control the outcomes that won’t let you control them anyway. Lost is just the place where we become found. And found is the adjective we are meant to know and live from.

Jesus went out of His way again and again to teach His disciples that He was the Home that never stopped searching for those who were lost. From leading by example to parables He told, He answered our lostness with Himself.

Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’”
Luke 15:3-7 (NLT)

No matter how lost you feel today, Home is already on the way with love in the lead.

The Sign-Up Sheet for Demo Day

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I clenched my phone in the palm of my hand after sending a text that set up some emotional boundaries I knew weren’t going to be well received. The text thread went silent, and I held my breath, swallowing a sob welling in my throat. I wasn’t expecting nearly a decade of friendship to end here in a hotel hallway, untethered by a single text. My thoughts skidded through the past few moments as I tried to process the string of texts that became the epicenter of a friendship breaking apart.

Last year proved to be the year of demolition. It was a year of walking amidst the wake of endings as I experienced a friendship breakup, a boyfriend breakup, and a break away from calm to utter chaos within the workplace. It was the year that God brought the wrecking ball through all the wrong foundations I was building my expectations upon.

Jesus describes the aftermath that unfolds if we build our lives on shaky foundations:

And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.
Matthew 7:26-27 (ESV)

I didn’t realize how unstable the infrastructure of my life was until I felt the sand slipping and shaking beneath my feet. But God was setting my life on the track of an extreme heart makeover.

I think we gravitate toward improvement shows because we get to watch a desperately needed renovation take place within the advantage of an hour-long TV segment. These shows are proof that the jaw-dropping reveal day is the result of rolled-up sleeves, sledgehammered concrete, and many walls knocked down. As dry wall is torn down and the interior is turned inside out, I can sympathize with the homeowner whose eyes widen at the wreckage that demo day brings. After all, a tremendous amount of confidence must be entrusted in the interior designers as they gut a home that once provided security and stability and promise to replace it with something so much bigger and better.

Amidst the breaking and shaking that God does in our lives, it can be difficult to see beyond the dust and debris. But transformation can only happen through demolition.

As I reflect on last year’s soul-buckling shattering, I see more clearly where the Lord was revealing to me the wondrous blueprints of grace He wanted to implement in my life. He was graciously showing the cracks in my boundaries that needed mending and the rooms that needed a complete overhaul. He was pointing to the places where He wanted to tear down the faltering walls I had put up around my heart and where He wanted to build a stronger, bolder identity in Jesus Christ. He even reconciled and restored my friendship to my close friend, and now we can build our relationship with more openness and trust than before.

In the end, I am grateful for the renovations He accomplished with some of the most broken pieces of my story.

Jesus offers a better way for our building efforts. “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock” (Matthew 7: 24-25 ESV).

If we build our lives on the rock of Jesus Christ, our satisfaction won’t slip into sinking sand.

God doesn’t just want to rearrange the furniture and sweep the glaring problems under the rug, and He doesn’t simply show up for demo day only to leave us broken in the dust. He is the Master Architect who wants to build something more solid in us than the sinking sand of our own flimsy expectations. He’s ready to partner with us in rolling up our sleeves and committing to a total transformation — even if that means launching into a chaotic string of demo days.

If the demolition promises a cleaner, purer, more solid, God-centered life, would we not be more willing to hand over the keys of our heart and be the first to sign up for demo day?

Be a Person of Integrity

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Welcome to Bible Study Monday! We are walking through our newest Bible study, Courageous Influence, right here with you. Each week we provide the reading assignment, a fabulous discussion video featuring three (in)courage writers, a quote of the week, reflection questions, and a prayer. All you need is your copy of Courageous Influence and an open heart, and we’ll take care of the rest!

We’ll turn the world’s idea of influence on its head and become the courageous women of influence God calls us to be. Let’s start Week Three: Be a Person of Integrity!

Reading Assignment

This week, read Week Three: Be a Person of Integrity on pages 75-109 in Courageous Influence. Grab your copy and start reading!

Discussion Video

Three of our (in)courage writers invite us into their conversations about Courageous Influence! Join study author Grace P. Cho along with Becky Keife and Kathi Lipp each week as they discuss each week. Listen in on their conversation about Week Three (and find all the weekly videos here):

Quote of the Week

Keep this quote in mind as you read Week Three:

In His timing, we will never be too early or too late to fulfill His purpose for our lives.

– Grace P. Cho in Courageous Influence. Feel free to download this quote to share with a friend!

Reflection Questions

Together in the comments, answer and discuss the following reflection questions:

  • Have you experienced someone close to you doubting your gifts or purpose in life? How did that make you feel? (p. 92)
  • Since the power of our influence comes from within, as evidenced in 2 Timothy 1:7, how does that change the focus and/or motivation of your efforts in building influence with others? (p. 100)

Let’s Pray Together

Lord, thank You for making me who I am. Thank You that Your word over me is the final word. Help me when people’s doubts speak louder than Your voice, and give me courage to be confident in how You made me to influence others. Amen.

Click here to get a FREE week from each of our Courageous Bible Studies (including Courageous Influence) and to get free leader resources!

Answer the reflection questions in the comments so we can discuss Week Three together! We’ll see you back here next Monday to begin Week Four: Be a Person of Integrity.

Five Truths to Ease the Changing Seasons of Friendships

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I invite a few close friends over for a grown-up tea party, and before they arrive, I rhythmically move around the table arranging small crustless sandwiches, lemon bars, scones, and cream. I set out my beloved Noritake gold rimmed plates, teacups, and saucers — our wedding china. I smile remembering all the times I’ve used this china, and I think again how thankful I am to get to love on my friends and myself by using it once again. The good life is for giving ourselves a little attention by enjoying the good things rather than keeping them hidden away.

I set out the porcelain tea bag holders and little stirring spoons. I realize I forgot the water goblets and then remember that one friend won’t be joining us, and I find uninvited tears showing up before the party.

It’s silly to be crying, really. I mean, this friend didn’t die. We didn’t have a big fight or a dramatic falling out. Our friendship just changed, unfolded into a new season. And that new season has me a little sad because I just miss her.

I stare at the dining room chair at the end of the table and briefly contemplate taping her picture to the seat-back. Or maybe even just leaving one seat empty in her honor? I don’t, of course, because that would be a little crazy. But sometimes we want to give the loss a tangible space to be remembered.

I would love to simply give love all the attention. But for many, loss is the tagalong companion to love, and it’s impossible for loss not to get a little attention too. 

Today, my heart holds sadness for a friendship that doesn’t look the way it used to. For you, maybe there is a sadness for the same — or from a different kind of relationship that doesn’t look the way you wish.

If that’s the case, may I humbly offer these truths to help during the hard moments? Here are five truths to ease the changing seasons of friendships:

1. Give your sadness a safe space. Don’t skip over the sadness. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss for an appropriate amount of time. Let it have its say, but don’t let it be your boss because hope always gets the last word.

2. Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you. When a friendship or other relationship changes, it’s easy to look inward and think, What did I do wrong? Instead look upward and assume that for now, God simply wants your attention elsewhere. Trust Jesus with your reputation as well as this situation.

3. Believe God continues to give His best to you. This includes people who are best for you.

4. Pray God’s best for your friend. Whatever the particulars behind the relationship change, let’s remember to represent Jesus well by letting the situation bring out the best in us, not the worst.

5. Fervently thank God for the vibrant relationships you do have. Even if it’s just one friend, and that friend moved five states away. Or even if that friend is the one preoccupied with a new baby or busy with a new job. Thank God for who is present at your table and in your life.

And in this month that finds so many of our children and loved ones in a new school year, I pray these truths over all those young’uns looking for life-giving friendships in their lives.

It takes strength and courage to hold our relationships in upturned palms instead of squeezed in our tight fists, to say, You are welcome to stay here, but I won’t bolt you inside. Some seasons call for bravery in the form of staying close. Other times, a season calls for bravery in the form of keeping our distance. In those moments, may we continue to give ourselves a little attention by enjoying the good things — and good people — around us. And may we also see all the ways God gives us gifts — gifts that are signs of Love present everywhere. 

If you’d like more encouragement in your changing friendships or direction in another difficult life change, consider this upcoming devotional as a kind companion for you along the way: When Change Finds You: 31 Assurances to Settle Your Heart When Life Stirs You Up.

Stuck? Or Are You Experiencing Slow and Steady Growth?

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With all of life’s ups and downs, have you ever felt stuck? I’m not talking about a little stuck, I’m talking about feeling like you’re trapped in quicksand stuck. Stuck is pretty much how I spent all of 2019. Life wasn’t horrible, but it sure wasn’t great.

I’m not even sure how to accurately describe the feeling of stagnation in my mind, body and spirit. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint an area in my life where I felt progress. I wasn’t where I thought I’d be in any area of life. I was in a job that I wasn’t crazy about. I had some chronic pain in my body that’s progressively healing, but my active lifestyle has been on hold. My finances left me frustrated. My thoughts circled the same mountain for months.

I do a great job at coaching other people on how to get unstuck and yet when it came to my own life, I had the hardest time of figuring anything out. Isn’t that usually the case? It’s far easier to help someone else than it is to help ourselves. I tend to want a perfect solution that leads to a perfect outcome that’s wrapped in a perfect bow.

Toward the end of the year, I just got fed up with being stuck. The Lord gave me some ways out, as He kindly does. And then He graciously encouraged me that progress will always win out over perfection. God is not interested in perfection. His heart is for us to constantly grow and become like Him. His Holy Spirit gently reminded me of a couple of truths I easily forget.

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. John 15:1-2 (NASB)

The Lord is in the fruit-bearing business. Everything we do and say produces some sort of fruit. Often, when we don’t see fruit, we panic and worry. It is in those times that He prunes us. He could be breaking some toxic thoughts or establishing new habits. He could be teaching us to rely solely on Him as our source. He could be stripping away pride and self-reliance. He prunes us because He loves us. He prunes us because He is a good Father. He always has our best in mind. Sometimes His best comes in the form of stuck. All we need to do is stay connected to the vine and the vinedresser will do what He does best — nourish and strengthen branches that produce much fruit.

We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18 (CSB)

I’ve always loved the part of this verse that says from glory to glory. It reminds me that there is one glory and then another and then another still. But it doesn’t end there. Until Jesus returns, there will always be new levels of glory that can be experienced. This glory is never about us. It is about us gazing at Christ Jesus and becoming more like Him with each passing day. This transformation isn’t designed to happen overnight. It is designed to be a relationship and a journey with Him. It is designed to happen in the intimacy of the secret place with the Lord. One thing I learned coming out of a season of feeling stuck is that whether we see movement, it’s happening. God is always on the move. He is always at work for His glory and for our good. May we learn to trust Him in seasons of feeling stuck and standing still. May we be grateful for slow and steady progress toward who He is calling us to be and what He is calling us to do.

Are you in a season of being stuck? If so, please share. I’d love to encourage you!

 

I Missed My Turn but I Didn’t Miss God

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Do you believe it’s okay to fail? If you asked me, I’d be quick to say, “Yes! Failure is a part of life. Failing means you’re human. Failure is an opportunity for learning. Failing means you tried.”

But turns out, what I know is true doesn’t always translate into how I feel.

Recently I messed up. I was talking on the phone while driving (yeah, I know) and I missed a turn. I didn’t realize my mistake until much too late. So late in fact that by the time I turned around, backtracked, and made it to my appointment, I was told that the doctor could no longer see me. The appointment I had waited months for. The appointment I had taken time away from work and arranged childcare for.

I stood in front of the receptionist, flustered and sweaty and desperate to turn back time, and I started to cry. Tears of frustration and embarrassment. And also tears of shame. The receptionist’s demeanor didn’t help. She avoided eye contact, and her tone was void of compassion. But as I drove home, silently wiping tears and berating myself for my mistake, I realized that my response was less about the inconvenience I caused and the unkind attitude I received and more about what I believe:

I believe I shouldn’t make mistakes.
I believe I should always be focused and timely and efficient.
I believe a string of bad nights’ sleep shouldn’t affect my clarity of mind.
I believe failure is an indictment on my character.

I share this in the spirit of gloss-less honesty. As I type these words though, I can name for myself all their slippery slopes and half-truths. I would never believe these things for you.

But sometimes it takes missing a turn and crying in front of a stranger to realize you’ve got some work to do in the department of self-kindness.

Self-kindness doesn’t mean making excuses or justifying poor behavior. But it does mean making space for mistakes. It means acknowledging that you’re human. Perfectionism is a myth. Performance-based living is soul-crushing. So why do we live like a mistake-free existence is the ultimate achievement?

I drove to my mom’s house to pick up my kids. I thought I had collected myself, but as I sat on a little stool while my mom putzed around the kitchen, the flow of tears started again.

“I just feel so stupid,” I confessed.

My mom hugged me and affirmed that failures big and small can just feel plain devastating. Then she made me a plate of sausage and sweet potatoes.

Space to cry. To be held. Loved. Fed. Those were gifts I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t missed that turn and seemingly messed up my whole day.

And this is the beauty of God: He loves us at all times, and He works in all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) — not just on the days when we have our ducks in a row and everything goes as planned.

If you are prone to feeling like your mistakes define you and disqualify you from God’s love and goodness, lean in here, sister, because I want you to hear something:

  • Losing a library book will never make you lose God’s love.
  • Flopping on a presentation or misspeaking in a meeting will never make you miss out on God’s goodness.
  • Snapping at a family member doesn’t make God snap judgment on you.
  • Flaking on a friend will never cause God to flake out on you.
  • Forgetting to switch over the laundry again isn’t an indication that God will ever forget you.

I’m absolutely convinced that nothing — nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable — absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
Romans 8:38-39 (MSG)

When we view our mistakes through the lens of God’s Word and His never-ending, unbreakable love, we are gifted a new perspective.

Psalm 119:96 says, “To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.”

We aren’t going to miss out on God’s blessings because we’re imperfect human beings who get distracted and miss turns. As long as we keep turning back to the infallible roadmap of Scripture, God will keep gently turning us back to the gift of His love.

Thinking back to my doctor’s appointment mishap, I ask myself, Should I have been leaving a friend a voice message while driving? Probably not. Could I have ensured I was on the right track by activating turn-by-turn directions on my phone instead of relying on the little map my mama gave me? Sure. But failing to do so doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me a person.

Today I want to hug the me from that day and tell her that she is no less valuable or loved because she messed up. Today-me knows that appointments can be rescheduled and God’s mercies are new every morning. I cannot miss His love.

Is failure hard for you? What does today-you want to say to former-you?

 

For more reminders that your limitations don’t disqualify you from God’s love and kindness, check out Becky’s upcoming book The Simple Difference, available now for preorder.

Why Kindness Is Hardest at Home

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My husband pan-fried dumplings for lunch, which is the most delicious way to eat them. Tender chicken and vegetables inside, chewy noodle wrapper with just the right amount of caramelized crunch outside. Yum! While Chris attended to the dumplings sizzling in the iron skillet, I prepped peanut butter sandwiches and apple slices for the kids and some yogurt and granola for me — an eclectic lunch trying to use up what we had on hand. We all devoured the strange and simple meal, enjoying each other’s company as we passed dark dipping sauce and the final remnants of a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos.

Then Chris and I got into a fight.

He started wiping up the stove from all the splattered oil (the only downside of pan-frying) and wanted me to take over cleaning the stove so he could go finish the garage project he started before lunch. But I wanted him to finish cleaning the stove because I needed to clean up the rest of the kitchen. There was enough work in there for both of us, I not-so-gently pointed out. Back and forth we went. You clean the stove. No, you do it. (Please tell me I’m not the only one whose marital woes stem from mundane chores.)

I said, “You should just finish it yourself, otherwise you’re going to come back in and critique the job I did.” There was an edge to my voice. I was being critical out of fear or expectation that my husband would be critical. Umm . . . plank in your own eye, Becky. My comment did not sit well with Chris. We had some more words. I wanted to play it off as being sarcastic. I mean, I wasn’t outright nasty. But more often than not, sarcasm is just a socially accepted mask to cover unkindness.

And I had been unkind.

I wish I could have hit the slo-mo rewind button and watched my words retract back into my mouth like water into a bucket. But I couldn’t. My husband was left dripping in the deluge of my unkindness.

Deep in my heart, I desire to be kind to everyone, especially my husband. I’m sure you want to be kind to others too, with your loved ones at the top of the list. But sometimes there’s a pile — or a mile — of junk on top of those good intentions that keep us from acting kindly. Take a gander at this list of possible kindness blockers:

  • fear
  • defensiveness
  • bitterness
  • unforgiveness
  • competition
  • hurt
  • sarcasm
  • unmet (or likely unspoken) expectations
  • disappointment
  • anger
  • grief
  • irritation
  • selfishness
  • inconvenience

Any of these resonate with you? It’s easy to see how our desire to be kind can get stuck in the muck. Now, with our boss or workout buddy or the produce guy stacking cantaloupes, it’s easier to temporarily shove the pile of unresolved issues over to the side and let kindness rise. But with our parent, sibling, child, spouse, or roommate? They get the realest real version of ourselves.

Now hear this: Kindness doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. Being kind doesn’t mean you don’t train your kids to be independent and responsible. Kindness doesn’t mean your spouse, roommate, or coworker shouldn’t share the workload. Kindness never equates to allowing someone to treat you poorly.

But kindness is taking your own preference and convenience off the pedestal. Kindness is dismantling your own criticism and cynicism in order to pray, live, and say, “How can I be the blessing in someone’s day? How can I love my neighbor who happens to share my bed or live down the hall?”

What if today you asked God to search your heart and reveal to you if there’s anything keeping you from loving the people closest to you? If you’re open to hearing it, God will be faithful to speak it.

Home is our learning lab for living our one life well. How you treat the people you live with — or those you are in a close relationship with — is either a glaring or gleaming indicator of the kind of mark you will make on the world. Mother Teresa is quoted as saying, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

Perhaps how we treat people at home is how we leave our most important mark.

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We’re always in awe of God’s plans playing out in His amazing timing. When Becky Keife began to write the new (in)courage book, The Simple Difference: How Every Small Kindness Makes a Big Impact, we could never have known the timeliness of that message today. Whether it’s facing challenging relationships at home, scrolling through social media, or watching the news, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the currents of hate and blame, loneliness and hopelessness. With crisis or discord at every turn, we wonder how one person can really make a difference. The Simple Difference will help you see more of the people in front of you, more of God’s lavish love for you, and more of His power within you.

The Simple Difference is now available wherever books are sold! We’re so excited for this book to be in your hands!

Want to start reading now? Get a FREE sample chapter!