The Sign-Up Sheet for Demo Day

The Sign-Up Sheet for Demo Day

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I clenched my phone in the palm of my hand after sending a text that set up some emotional boundaries I knew weren’t going to be well received. The text thread went silent, and I held my breath, swallowing a sob welling in my throat. I wasn’t expecting nearly a decade of friendship to end here in a hotel hallway, untethered by a single text. My thoughts skidded through the past few moments as I tried to process the string of texts that became the epicenter of a friendship breaking apart.

Last year proved to be the year of demolition. It was a year of walking amidst the wake of endings as I experienced a friendship breakup, a boyfriend breakup, and a break away from calm to utter chaos within the workplace. It was the year that God brought the wrecking ball through all the wrong foundations I was building my expectations upon.

Jesus describes the aftermath that unfolds if we build our lives on shaky foundations:

And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.
Matthew 7:26-27 (ESV)

I didn’t realize how unstable the infrastructure of my life was until I felt the sand slipping and shaking beneath my feet. But God was setting my life on the track of an extreme heart makeover.

I think we gravitate toward improvement shows because we get to watch a desperately needed renovation take place within the advantage of an hour-long TV segment. These shows are proof that the jaw-dropping reveal day is the result of rolled-up sleeves, sledgehammered concrete, and many walls knocked down. As dry wall is torn down and the interior is turned inside out, I can sympathize with the homeowner whose eyes widen at the wreckage that demo day brings. After all, a tremendous amount of confidence must be entrusted in the interior designers as they gut a home that once provided security and stability and promise to replace it with something so much bigger and better.

Amidst the breaking and shaking that God does in our lives, it can be difficult to see beyond the dust and debris. But transformation can only happen through demolition.

As I reflect on last year’s soul-buckling shattering, I see more clearly where the Lord was revealing to me the wondrous blueprints of grace He wanted to implement in my life. He was graciously showing the cracks in my boundaries that needed mending and the rooms that needed a complete overhaul. He was pointing to the places where He wanted to tear down the faltering walls I had put up around my heart and where He wanted to build a stronger, bolder identity in Jesus Christ. He even reconciled and restored my friendship to my close friend, and now we can build our relationship with more openness and trust than before.

In the end, I am grateful for the renovations He accomplished with some of the most broken pieces of my story.

Jesus offers a better way for our building efforts. “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock” (Matthew 7: 24-25 ESV).

If we build our lives on the rock of Jesus Christ, our satisfaction won’t slip into sinking sand.

God doesn’t just want to rearrange the furniture and sweep the glaring problems under the rug, and He doesn’t simply show up for demo day only to leave us broken in the dust. He is the Master Architect who wants to build something more solid in us than the sinking sand of our own flimsy expectations. He’s ready to partner with us in rolling up our sleeves and committing to a total transformation — even if that means launching into a chaotic string of demo days.

If the demolition promises a cleaner, purer, more solid, God-centered life, would we not be more willing to hand over the keys of our heart and be the first to sign up for demo day?

Be a Person of Integrity

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Welcome to Bible Study Monday! We are walking through our newest Bible study, Courageous Influence, right here with you. Each week we provide the reading assignment, a fabulous discussion video featuring three (in)courage writers, a quote of the week, reflection questions, and a prayer. All you need is your copy of Courageous Influence and an open heart, and we’ll take care of the rest!

We’ll turn the world’s idea of influence on its head and become the courageous women of influence God calls us to be. Let’s start Week Three: Be a Person of Integrity!

Reading Assignment

This week, read Week Three: Be a Person of Integrity on pages 75-109 in Courageous Influence. Grab your copy and start reading!

Discussion Video

Three of our (in)courage writers invite us into their conversations about Courageous Influence! Join study author Grace P. Cho along with Becky Keife and Kathi Lipp each week as they discuss each week. Listen in on their conversation about Week Three (and find all the weekly videos here):

Quote of the Week

Keep this quote in mind as you read Week Three:

In His timing, we will never be too early or too late to fulfill His purpose for our lives.

– Grace P. Cho in Courageous Influence. Feel free to download this quote to share with a friend!

Reflection Questions

Together in the comments, answer and discuss the following reflection questions:

  • Have you experienced someone close to you doubting your gifts or purpose in life? How did that make you feel? (p. 92)
  • Since the power of our influence comes from within, as evidenced in 2 Timothy 1:7, how does that change the focus and/or motivation of your efforts in building influence with others? (p. 100)

Let’s Pray Together

Lord, thank You for making me who I am. Thank You that Your word over me is the final word. Help me when people’s doubts speak louder than Your voice, and give me courage to be confident in how You made me to influence others. Amen.

Click here to get a FREE week from each of our Courageous Bible Studies (including Courageous Influence) and to get free leader resources!

Answer the reflection questions in the comments so we can discuss Week Three together! We’ll see you back here next Monday to begin Week Four: Be a Person of Integrity.

Five Truths to Ease the Changing Seasons of Friendships

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I invite a few close friends over for a grown-up tea party, and before they arrive, I rhythmically move around the table arranging small crustless sandwiches, lemon bars, scones, and cream. I set out my beloved Noritake gold rimmed plates, teacups, and saucers — our wedding china. I smile remembering all the times I’ve used this china, and I think again how thankful I am to get to love on my friends and myself by using it once again. The good life is for giving ourselves a little attention by enjoying the good things rather than keeping them hidden away.

I set out the porcelain tea bag holders and little stirring spoons. I realize I forgot the water goblets and then remember that one friend won’t be joining us, and I find uninvited tears showing up before the party.

It’s silly to be crying, really. I mean, this friend didn’t die. We didn’t have a big fight or a dramatic falling out. Our friendship just changed, unfolded into a new season. And that new season has me a little sad because I just miss her.

I stare at the dining room chair at the end of the table and briefly contemplate taping her picture to the seat-back. Or maybe even just leaving one seat empty in her honor? I don’t, of course, because that would be a little crazy. But sometimes we want to give the loss a tangible space to be remembered.

I would love to simply give love all the attention. But for many, loss is the tagalong companion to love, and it’s impossible for loss not to get a little attention too. 

Today, my heart holds sadness for a friendship that doesn’t look the way it used to. For you, maybe there is a sadness for the same — or from a different kind of relationship that doesn’t look the way you wish.

If that’s the case, may I humbly offer these truths to help during the hard moments? Here are five truths to ease the changing seasons of friendships:

1. Give your sadness a safe space. Don’t skip over the sadness. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss for an appropriate amount of time. Let it have its say, but don’t let it be your boss because hope always gets the last word.

2. Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you. When a friendship or other relationship changes, it’s easy to look inward and think, What did I do wrong? Instead look upward and assume that for now, God simply wants your attention elsewhere. Trust Jesus with your reputation as well as this situation.

3. Believe God continues to give His best to you. This includes people who are best for you.

4. Pray God’s best for your friend. Whatever the particulars behind the relationship change, let’s remember to represent Jesus well by letting the situation bring out the best in us, not the worst.

5. Fervently thank God for the vibrant relationships you do have. Even if it’s just one friend, and that friend moved five states away. Or even if that friend is the one preoccupied with a new baby or busy with a new job. Thank God for who is present at your table and in your life.

And in this month that finds so many of our children and loved ones in a new school year, I pray these truths over all those young’uns looking for life-giving friendships in their lives.

It takes strength and courage to hold our relationships in upturned palms instead of squeezed in our tight fists, to say, You are welcome to stay here, but I won’t bolt you inside. Some seasons call for bravery in the form of staying close. Other times, a season calls for bravery in the form of keeping our distance. In those moments, may we continue to give ourselves a little attention by enjoying the good things — and good people — around us. And may we also see all the ways God gives us gifts — gifts that are signs of Love present everywhere. 

If you’d like more encouragement in your changing friendships or direction in another difficult life change, consider this upcoming devotional as a kind companion for you along the way: When Change Finds You: 31 Assurances to Settle Your Heart When Life Stirs You Up.

Stuck? Or Are You Experiencing Slow and Steady Growth?

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With all of life’s ups and downs, have you ever felt stuck? I’m not talking about a little stuck, I’m talking about feeling like you’re trapped in quicksand stuck. Stuck is pretty much how I spent all of 2019. Life wasn’t horrible, but it sure wasn’t great.

I’m not even sure how to accurately describe the feeling of stagnation in my mind, body and spirit. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint an area in my life where I felt progress. I wasn’t where I thought I’d be in any area of life. I was in a job that I wasn’t crazy about. I had some chronic pain in my body that’s progressively healing, but my active lifestyle has been on hold. My finances left me frustrated. My thoughts circled the same mountain for months.

I do a great job at coaching other people on how to get unstuck and yet when it came to my own life, I had the hardest time of figuring anything out. Isn’t that usually the case? It’s far easier to help someone else than it is to help ourselves. I tend to want a perfect solution that leads to a perfect outcome that’s wrapped in a perfect bow.

Toward the end of the year, I just got fed up with being stuck. The Lord gave me some ways out, as He kindly does. And then He graciously encouraged me that progress will always win out over perfection. God is not interested in perfection. His heart is for us to constantly grow and become like Him. His Holy Spirit gently reminded me of a couple of truths I easily forget.

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. John 15:1-2 (NASB)

The Lord is in the fruit-bearing business. Everything we do and say produces some sort of fruit. Often, when we don’t see fruit, we panic and worry. It is in those times that He prunes us. He could be breaking some toxic thoughts or establishing new habits. He could be teaching us to rely solely on Him as our source. He could be stripping away pride and self-reliance. He prunes us because He loves us. He prunes us because He is a good Father. He always has our best in mind. Sometimes His best comes in the form of stuck. All we need to do is stay connected to the vine and the vinedresser will do what He does best — nourish and strengthen branches that produce much fruit.

We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18 (CSB)

I’ve always loved the part of this verse that says from glory to glory. It reminds me that there is one glory and then another and then another still. But it doesn’t end there. Until Jesus returns, there will always be new levels of glory that can be experienced. This glory is never about us. It is about us gazing at Christ Jesus and becoming more like Him with each passing day. This transformation isn’t designed to happen overnight. It is designed to be a relationship and a journey with Him. It is designed to happen in the intimacy of the secret place with the Lord. One thing I learned coming out of a season of feeling stuck is that whether we see movement, it’s happening. God is always on the move. He is always at work for His glory and for our good. May we learn to trust Him in seasons of feeling stuck and standing still. May we be grateful for slow and steady progress toward who He is calling us to be and what He is calling us to do.

Are you in a season of being stuck? If so, please share. I’d love to encourage you!

 

I Missed My Turn but I Didn’t Miss God

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Do you believe it’s okay to fail? If you asked me, I’d be quick to say, “Yes! Failure is a part of life. Failing means you’re human. Failure is an opportunity for learning. Failing means you tried.”

But turns out, what I know is true doesn’t always translate into how I feel.

Recently I messed up. I was talking on the phone while driving (yeah, I know) and I missed a turn. I didn’t realize my mistake until much too late. So late in fact that by the time I turned around, backtracked, and made it to my appointment, I was told that the doctor could no longer see me. The appointment I had waited months for. The appointment I had taken time away from work and arranged childcare for.

I stood in front of the receptionist, flustered and sweaty and desperate to turn back time, and I started to cry. Tears of frustration and embarrassment. And also tears of shame. The receptionist’s demeanor didn’t help. She avoided eye contact, and her tone was void of compassion. But as I drove home, silently wiping tears and berating myself for my mistake, I realized that my response was less about the inconvenience I caused and the unkind attitude I received and more about what I believe:

I believe I shouldn’t make mistakes.
I believe I should always be focused and timely and efficient.
I believe a string of bad nights’ sleep shouldn’t affect my clarity of mind.
I believe failure is an indictment on my character.

I share this in the spirit of gloss-less honesty. As I type these words though, I can name for myself all their slippery slopes and half-truths. I would never believe these things for you.

But sometimes it takes missing a turn and crying in front of a stranger to realize you’ve got some work to do in the department of self-kindness.

Self-kindness doesn’t mean making excuses or justifying poor behavior. But it does mean making space for mistakes. It means acknowledging that you’re human. Perfectionism is a myth. Performance-based living is soul-crushing. So why do we live like a mistake-free existence is the ultimate achievement?

I drove to my mom’s house to pick up my kids. I thought I had collected myself, but as I sat on a little stool while my mom putzed around the kitchen, the flow of tears started again.

“I just feel so stupid,” I confessed.

My mom hugged me and affirmed that failures big and small can just feel plain devastating. Then she made me a plate of sausage and sweet potatoes.

Space to cry. To be held. Loved. Fed. Those were gifts I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t missed that turn and seemingly messed up my whole day.

And this is the beauty of God: He loves us at all times, and He works in all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) — not just on the days when we have our ducks in a row and everything goes as planned.

If you are prone to feeling like your mistakes define you and disqualify you from God’s love and goodness, lean in here, sister, because I want you to hear something:

  • Losing a library book will never make you lose God’s love.
  • Flopping on a presentation or misspeaking in a meeting will never make you miss out on God’s goodness.
  • Snapping at a family member doesn’t make God snap judgment on you.
  • Flaking on a friend will never cause God to flake out on you.
  • Forgetting to switch over the laundry again isn’t an indication that God will ever forget you.

I’m absolutely convinced that nothing — nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable — absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
Romans 8:38-39 (MSG)

When we view our mistakes through the lens of God’s Word and His never-ending, unbreakable love, we are gifted a new perspective.

Psalm 119:96 says, “To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.”

We aren’t going to miss out on God’s blessings because we’re imperfect human beings who get distracted and miss turns. As long as we keep turning back to the infallible roadmap of Scripture, God will keep gently turning us back to the gift of His love.

Thinking back to my doctor’s appointment mishap, I ask myself, Should I have been leaving a friend a voice message while driving? Probably not. Could I have ensured I was on the right track by activating turn-by-turn directions on my phone instead of relying on the little map my mama gave me? Sure. But failing to do so doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me a person.

Today I want to hug the me from that day and tell her that she is no less valuable or loved because she messed up. Today-me knows that appointments can be rescheduled and God’s mercies are new every morning. I cannot miss His love.

Is failure hard for you? What does today-you want to say to former-you?

 

For more reminders that your limitations don’t disqualify you from God’s love and kindness, check out Becky’s upcoming book The Simple Difference, available now for preorder.

Why Kindness Is Hardest at Home

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My husband pan-fried dumplings for lunch, which is the most delicious way to eat them. Tender chicken and vegetables inside, chewy noodle wrapper with just the right amount of caramelized crunch outside. Yum! While Chris attended to the dumplings sizzling in the iron skillet, I prepped peanut butter sandwiches and apple slices for the kids and some yogurt and granola for me — an eclectic lunch trying to use up what we had on hand. We all devoured the strange and simple meal, enjoying each other’s company as we passed dark dipping sauce and the final remnants of a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos.

Then Chris and I got into a fight.

He started wiping up the stove from all the splattered oil (the only downside of pan-frying) and wanted me to take over cleaning the stove so he could go finish the garage project he started before lunch. But I wanted him to finish cleaning the stove because I needed to clean up the rest of the kitchen. There was enough work in there for both of us, I not-so-gently pointed out. Back and forth we went. You clean the stove. No, you do it. (Please tell me I’m not the only one whose marital woes stem from mundane chores.)

I said, “You should just finish it yourself, otherwise you’re going to come back in and critique the job I did.” There was an edge to my voice. I was being critical out of fear or expectation that my husband would be critical. Umm . . . plank in your own eye, Becky. My comment did not sit well with Chris. We had some more words. I wanted to play it off as being sarcastic. I mean, I wasn’t outright nasty. But more often than not, sarcasm is just a socially accepted mask to cover unkindness.

And I had been unkind.

I wish I could have hit the slo-mo rewind button and watched my words retract back into my mouth like water into a bucket. But I couldn’t. My husband was left dripping in the deluge of my unkindness.

Deep in my heart, I desire to be kind to everyone, especially my husband. I’m sure you want to be kind to others too, with your loved ones at the top of the list. But sometimes there’s a pile — or a mile — of junk on top of those good intentions that keep us from acting kindly. Take a gander at this list of possible kindness blockers:

  • fear
  • defensiveness
  • bitterness
  • unforgiveness
  • competition
  • hurt
  • sarcasm
  • unmet (or likely unspoken) expectations
  • disappointment
  • anger
  • grief
  • irritation
  • selfishness
  • inconvenience

Any of these resonate with you? It’s easy to see how our desire to be kind can get stuck in the muck. Now, with our boss or workout buddy or the produce guy stacking cantaloupes, it’s easier to temporarily shove the pile of unresolved issues over to the side and let kindness rise. But with our parent, sibling, child, spouse, or roommate? They get the realest real version of ourselves.

Now hear this: Kindness doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. Being kind doesn’t mean you don’t train your kids to be independent and responsible. Kindness doesn’t mean your spouse, roommate, or coworker shouldn’t share the workload. Kindness never equates to allowing someone to treat you poorly.

But kindness is taking your own preference and convenience off the pedestal. Kindness is dismantling your own criticism and cynicism in order to pray, live, and say, “How can I be the blessing in someone’s day? How can I love my neighbor who happens to share my bed or live down the hall?”

What if today you asked God to search your heart and reveal to you if there’s anything keeping you from loving the people closest to you? If you’re open to hearing it, God will be faithful to speak it.

Home is our learning lab for living our one life well. How you treat the people you live with — or those you are in a close relationship with — is either a glaring or gleaming indicator of the kind of mark you will make on the world. Mother Teresa is quoted as saying, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

Perhaps how we treat people at home is how we leave our most important mark.

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We’re always in awe of God’s plans playing out in His amazing timing. When Becky Keife began to write the new (in)courage book, The Simple Difference: How Every Small Kindness Makes a Big Impact, we could never have known the timeliness of that message today. Whether it’s facing challenging relationships at home, scrolling through social media, or watching the news, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the currents of hate and blame, loneliness and hopelessness. With crisis or discord at every turn, we wonder how one person can really make a difference. The Simple Difference will help you see more of the people in front of you, more of God’s lavish love for you, and more of His power within you.

The Simple Difference is now available wherever books are sold! We’re so excited for this book to be in your hands!

Want to start reading now? Get a FREE sample chapter!

How This People Pleaser Found Her Voice

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Ten years ago this summer, I had just won Food Network Star. Until then, we had been stretching my husband’s unemployment checks, and I remember a fellow contestant on the show who looked at my shoes and said, “You came on national television with holes in your shoes?!” I looked down in shame. When you have to choose between saving for rent and buying new shoes, you save for rent! Needless to say, I was ready for a change.

One evening, my husband, our best friend Andy, and I climbed onto the roof of Andy’s building to take in the view of the city. The sun began her reluctant recline, staining the blue skies pink and purple. We gazed at the skyline, taking in the result of generations of architects punching their imprint on the sky. 

Suddenly, a flock of birds sprung up before us and curled through the sky as one, flinging themselves in one direction, then turning on a dime. They soared and dipped, defying gravity then falling into it, an improvised choreography that took our breath away. I took a video of the murmuration and posted it to the 40,000 new sets of eyes on my Facebook page. “Isn’t God grand?” I wrote.

Well, let’s just say that more than a few of my new followers didn’t agree: “We don’t follow you for that. Please leave religion out of it.”

I was paralyzed. I’m a bonafide people pleaser, a trait borne out of a childhood marked by frequent exclusion from friends. Consequently, if someone doesn’t like an aspect of my personality, I change it immediately. So the response on my Facebook post sent me spiraling. Plus, I’d already lost one career; I couldn’t lose another!

Friends, let’s speak frankly: If it was hard to talk about God ten years ago, it feels even harder now. I have a sensitive spirit, and today’s divisive atmosphere often trips my depression wire. We cry out for unity, and yet sometimes, it seems impossible.

One day, I landed on this promise from Jesus:

“Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other!”
Luke 12:51 (NLT)

While we’re called to live at peace with each other as much as possible, spiritual division is part of the plan, dear hearts. In fact, Jesus is the epicenter of this division. My people-pleasing heart roils at the prospect of rejection — not only because it stabs at childhood wounds, but also because my career, my means of supporting my family, rests on likes and follows. It’s my worst nightmare come true — living in a popularity contest and needing to win!

At times like this, it’s helpful to zoom out for perspective. God is the answer to our every craving. And for mankind-fearing hearts like mine, He is the God who who no longer calls us servants but friends. When I use Instagram numbers to fill that void instead of Him, I hear Him say, “Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God?” (James 4:4 NLT)

Or as Jesus puts it in Luke 6:26 (NLT),

“What sorrow awaits you who are praised by the crowds, for their ancestors also praised false prophets.”

In our world of greys, this is a black and white statement. Why does God make us pick a side? Perhaps it’s because He knows how intoxicating validation is to us — because He made us to seek His. The world’s approval is a counterfeit version of His friendship — one that leads to sorrow because it so often blurs our vision. One little compromise here, one looking-the-other-way there, and suddenly we’ve slipped off the path into confusion and have lost our way. 

So, I decided to keep talking about Him. God was the one who gave me this career, and He’s the only one who can take it away. I was timid at first, but over the years, as my friendship with Him has grown, so has my boldness. I’ve always admired people whose relationship with Him was so strong they talked about Him as if He was their friend. The Spirit would slosh out of them, like a full martini glass in the hands of an excited talker — vodka and olive juice everywhere. (Sorry, folks, these are the visuals the Spirit gives me!) I’ve always wanted to be like that, and now I realize that God has answered my prayer. My martini glass isn’t always full to the brim, but it’s usually half full, and ever the optimist, that’s been enough for me to spill the Spirit wherever I go!

Of course, some doors will close because you choose to be open about Christ. But can I tell you how much sweeter, bigger, and more deeply satisfying the doors are that God has opened for me instead? While I feared losing fans over Him, my following has multiplied, as have my opportunities in both secular and Christian spaces. One of my most precious privileges is when people on set come find me and ask me to pray for them. In fact, one of my dearest friendships started because I offered to pray for her.

A decade after that first “divisive” post, I stand on the precipice of being able to do some pretty exciting things in His name, writing for (in)courage being chief among them. I think about that younger Aarti, whose people-pleasing heart wondered how to satisfy the people who said they weren’t following her for that, and I want to say to her — and to you — “That’s okay. There’s plenty more people who do follow you for that, so don’t hold back!”

Season One, Episode 08: That’s a Wrap!

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Thank you for joining us for the first season of the (in)courage podcast!

This final week, our hosts Becky Keife and Mary Carver discuss what they’ve learned about joy from God’s perspective through this series of conversations. They talk about how joy is a gift from God and though happiness can be fleeting, difficult to access, or hard to maintain, joy in the Lord will last through every season.

We ended this episode with one more Bible verse of the week. Let’s reflect on John 15:11:

I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

Scroll down to play the episode, and subscribe today so you don’t miss a minute! You can find the (in)courage podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts.

If you’d like to go deeper into this topic, check out the Courageous Joy Bible Study at DaySpring — use code PODCAST25 to save 25% + get free shipping!

Also, we would love to hear from you about what you’ve been learning and grappling with — and where you’re finding joy today! You can always comment here or on Instagram to keep this conversation going. Stay tuned for our next season, dropping mid-August. See you then!

Podcast Hosts:
Mary Carver: website, Instagram, Facebook, author of the Courageous Joy Bible Study
Becky Keife: website, Instagram, Facebook

Taking Out the Bad So the Good Can Thrive

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It’s that time of year when we are surrounded by green fields. The corn is tall, the beans are thick. As we drive down the dusty gravel roads between these fields, the beans always bring back such strong summer memories for me. See, I grew up in the era of “walking beans.” Many people probably have never heard of such a thing. And yes, it is exactly what it sounds like. We walked the bean fields. Growing up on a farm in Nebraska, when our time came as teenagers, all my siblings and I spent summers walking beans.

Because of the summer heat, we’d get an early start to do as much as possible before it was too hot. With our tool of choice in hand — a knife, spade, or hoe — we’d set to work. We’d walk back and forth down the long rows and remove anything that wasn’t a soybean. Oftentimes, our best tool was our hands. It would be easier to pull out the weeds, roots and all, rather than hack at it with a heavy spade.

At the end of the day, we’d be dead tired and covered from head to toe in either dirt or mud, depending on when the last rain was. But we could look out over the field as we’d head out and see a job well done — a nice, clean bean field. No obnoxious weeds poking out. A level sea of bright green.

Walking beans is not about how the field looks, although a clean soybean field is a beautiful site to see. It’s about a farmer not being robbed of their yield by weeds. Weeds reduce crop yield because they compete aggressively with the crops for valuable nutrients, moisture, and light. We all know how hardy and vigorous weeds can be, right? They can quickly outgrow a crop and consume all the water and nutrients.

So it comes down to this basic truth: The bad things must be removed so the good things can thrive. Sounds like something that applies to life as well.

Our hearts and minds can work in a similar manner. Weeds pop up where there can be beauty and peace. They are hardy and aggressive and can easily multiply. They distract us from joy in our own lives. They trap us, drain us, and choke out the truth.

Fear, worry, discontent — weeds.

Guilt, shame — weeds.

Brooding, pride, jealousy — all weeds.

We are called to think and keep our minds on good thoughts, not destructive ones, and to focus our attention on things that reflect God, that come from Him, and that He teaches. We are to fill our minds and hearts with the truth, and Philippians 4 tells us exactly what to be thinking about.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8 (NASB)

In this world, it’s easy to dwell on the negative. It’s a challenge not to just expect doom and gloom. We give too much of our time to sinful and negative thoughts, but we don’t want our hearts and minds taken over with all those awful weeds.

With God’s help, we can pluck and hoe out those weeds of doubt, discouragement, and sin. We can fix our minds on what is good and true and allow God to grow and flourish us. When we fill our minds with who He is, what He has done, and the things that are true, we will experience His peace in our lives.

As for the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:9 (NASB)

All soil has the potential to grow weeds, and so do our lives. There is no snap of the fingers to just eradicate each and every weed from the soil or from our lives. We have to deal with the weeds. We have to put in the work. Thankfully, we don’t have to do it alone. Just like walking a bean field would be impossible to do alone, God will help us get those weeds. He will renew our thinking so we can learn to fill our minds with things from Him. Then we have the peace, joy, and the beauty of a clean heart.

How might you “think about these things” today so weeds don’t have any room to grow?

Will I Let My Age Limit My Stage?

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Everybody was younger. That was the first thing I noticed that weekend — not that I hadn’t noticed before. After reaching a certain age in a culture of Instagram and influencer close-ups, the way that we look seems to mean everything.

So, there I sat, realizing that every person at this gathering — and at most gatherings I’d attended that year — weren’t even born before most of my adult life.

Unsettled by this reality and because I don’t feel “old,” I happened to mention my actual age to one of the lovely young women, confessing my concern because I’d considered her a friend.

But the shock on her face shocked me. Worse, she physically backed away. “That’s your age?” Those were her words, stated with a certain horror. Worse, the rest of the weekend, she flat out avoided me. Was it that I no longer fit the right image of herself? Or was I really just washed up?

The question nagged me. At previous gatherings, I’d huddled and hung out with this friend — with others, too. We’d laughed and lingered, affirming our journeys and joys just by being present for one another. Now, knowing my real age, this particular friend backpedaled so far I couldn’t find her in the crowd. She literally disappeared.

For assurance, I nursed my hurt with a slew of Bible reminders that we all count for all our days. A favorite verse promises that the righteous, regardless of age, “will flourish like a palm tree” (Psalm 92:12).

Planted in the Lord’s house, we will “flourish in the courts of our God”  and “will still bear fruit in old age,” staying “fresh and green” (vv. 13-14). But doing what?

Proclaiming, “The Lord is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”
Psalm 92:15 (NIV)

Thus, regardless of age, God’s people will always have work to do for Him. I clung to this truth that hard weekend and still do. Because the second I start to waffle and worry about my age — and, especially, about my relevance — the enemy strikes, attacking all my weak spots.

The worst barb? The lie that my worth to God’s kingdom is done. That God doesn’t need me or my service anymore — if He ever did.

The lie says, “Step aside,” or “You’ve had your turn and your time. Make room for the younger, cooler, smarter, better anointed, more appointed, Instagram-ready daughters of God. And that ain’t you.”

But God, in His gracious love and mercy, put the kibosh big time on those doubts and lies. In fact, His Word is filled to the brim with people who hit their stride way past “normal” prime time.

Moses was eighty years old when God called him to free the children of Israel. Abraham and Sarah, at 100 and at ninety, were promised a covenant son, plus the work of parenting a nation.

Noah built the ark at age 600. Zechariah and Elizabeth were “both very old” (Luke 1:7) when they became the parents of John the Baptist.

Anna the prophetess, too, served in the temple until her “very old” age, watching and waiting for the Messiah. When she finally saw him, she didn’t kick off her shoes, sit down, and retire. Instead, she worked even harder, speaking about the child “to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:36–38).

Sure, Moses pushed back on his calling, questioning his speaking style, but he never asked, “What if I’m too old?” (In fact, he even begged God to bring along his brother Aaron, who, at eighty-three, was no spring chicken.)

And me? I’m nowhere near 600. But will I let my age limit the stage I stand on to proclaim God? Will younger women invite us back, meantime, to the table? Then, will I let His blessing over all of us seed my age and service — with wisdom, joy, humility, and love?

In other words, will I keep going for God, letting Him surprise me with new mountains to climb and stages to set? (In fact, I’m doing new things for God this year that I never before imagined — including writing Christian fiction, and the new journey is exciting, but also fun!). God knows His plans for us, so why let our age limit them? If it’s a new day, no matter what others think or see, let’s mirror the ageless glory of God.

Bible Study Monday: Courageous Influence, Week Two

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Welcome to Bible Study Monday! We are thrilled to be walking through our newest Bible study, Courageous Influence, right here with you. Each week, we provide the reading assignment, a fabulous discussion video featuring three (in)courage writers, a quote of the week, reflection questions, and a prayer. All you need is your copy of Courageous Influence and an open heart, and we’ll take care of the rest!

We’ll turn the world’s idea of influence on its head and become the courageous women of influence God calls us to be. Let’s start Week Two: Not Position, but Place and a Willing Yes.

Reading Assignment

This week, read Week Two: Not Position, but Place and a Willing Yes on pages 43-74 in Courageous Influence. Grab your copy and start reading and working through the study!

Discussion Video

Three of our (in)courage writers invite us into their conversations about Courageous Influence! Join study author Grace P. Cho along with Becky Keife and Kathi Lipp each week as they discuss the readings. Listen in on their conversation about Week Two (and find all the weekly videos here):

Quote of the Week

Keep this quote in mind as you begin reading Week Two:

May we be willing to say yes to Him even when we’re afraid.

– Grace P. Cho in Courageous Influence. Feel free to download this quote to share with a friend!

Reflection Questions

Together in the comments, answer and discuss the following reflection questions:

  • When was the last time you did something even though you were afraid because you knew it was God’s invitation to you?
  • You are a favored, chosen woman. How does believing this give you courage to do what God is asking of you today? (p. 74)

Let’s Pray Together

Lord, thank You for the words You spoke over Mary. You called her “favored woman,” and I thank You for choosing me as well. When You ask me to do something, I want to be ready and willing to say yes. I trust that You have planted my feet where I am now, and I want to know You and make You known in this place. Amen.

Click here to get a FREE week from each of our Courageous Bible Studies (including Courageous Influence) and to get free leader resources!

Answer the reflection questions in the comments so we can discuss Week Two together! Blessings as you work your way through Week Two, and we’ll see you back here next Monday to begin Week Three: Be a Person of Integrity.

How God Cared for Us Through School Lunches

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I know — school lunches? It’s still summer! But recently, I was talking about school lunches and the normalcy they’ve provided us throughout the past year. School lunches, of all things, have served as a reminder to me that God sees, knows, and cares for us even in the smallest of ways. Here’s how:

In March 2020, we started hearing about this new disease called COVID. People were saying it was coming and that we’d better buy toilet paper and water bottles.

(I still have ten bottles of purified water in the basement that I bought in case the water plant people couldn’t come in to work and get the water going. I wish I was kidding.)

My kids came home from school one day and never got to go back to their classrooms. Do you remember that day too? They came home and ended up doing distance learning from March 19, 2020 till June 2, 2021. That was sixty-one weeks without in-classroom school. Right about 300 days of school from the dining room table, their at-home desks, the backyard, and sometimes the van.

We logged in to preschool, first grade, and third grade from iPads. The kids learned how to use Schoology and Seesaw and Media Center. They had Lunch Bunch, where the kids ate “together” as if they were in the cafeteria, except they were on Google Meet.

Everything was so weird. It still is — less weird but still getting there.

As parents, my husband and I did our best to keep things as normal as possible, but we were both working from home and occasionally relying on the occasional instant cash advance app to put food on the table. Also, I had a baby in the middle of it all! So nothing was really normal, and everything felt like a blindfolded trust walk.

Except one thing: We picked up school lunches every day.

We would go to our elementary school, walk up to the entrance, and grab a bag full of fruit, veggies, milk, and something fun like chicken nuggets or pizza. There were breakfasts too: mini pancakes and frozen fruit and yogurts. Eventually, our schools transitioned to a weekly box pickup, so on Mondays we would load up the van and drive to get our boxes full of frozen breakfast treats, like French toast sticks and orange juice, lunches of mini-corndogs and chicken patties, and sometimes giant bags of frozen veggies. I used them for cooking all year!

School lunch provided us with a new kind of normalcy. Lunch pickup provided a regular routine. Every day, we hopped into the car and drove to school at noon. It kept food in our fridge, fruit bowl, and pantry, which helped for meal planning. It saved us a lot of money and time, which was so helpful. For the kids, it was the regular school food that helped them feel connected. Was it delicious gourmet meals? No, but was it fun? Yes! And it made lunches and lots of breakfasts easy — my nine-year-old could make meals by himself, which was a huge help to me as I worked from home and held a baby all the time!

School lunch kept us connected to friends. We were able to help neighbors and family by picking up their lunches and dropping them off at their doorstep or sharing ours when we had too much. People in our neighborhood picked up for each other, and one friend dropped off items her kids didn’t want to eat that my kids loved.

School lunch was one way this past year that I saw God taking care of us — by being the actual Bread of Life.

When everything was falling apart and crazy, God provided a helpful, tasty, bright spot that showed He hadn’t forgotten us. God was still there, taking care of us.

It seems like a silly thing, but honestly some days it felt like manna. It felt like abundance. It felt like water from a rock.

Not a lot of things outside were good, but I was overcome with gratitude that in our home, things were cozy, warm, and we were fed — both by school bread in our bellies and the Bread of Life in our hearts.

God is able. He is our provider. And, therefore, we are taken care of.

What is the price of two sparrows — one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31 (NLT)

You are so beloved by God. He cares for you immensely, deeply, wholly, in ways both big and small. God is able, God provides, and God has numbered the hairs on your head with love.

What is one small way you have seen God provide for you?

You’re Not Weird. You’re the One.

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This summer I was hanging out with a new friend while our girls swam together at the pool. She shared about her job and how she keeps googling these ideas she has and wondering why the methods she uses don’t already exist. She was looking for confirmation she wasn’t crazy, and because the beauty she creates isn’t already out there, my friend assumed it was weird or that she was weird.

Instead of seeing the opportunity to be the one to bring her idea to the table, flesh it out, and improve life through it, she assumed she was wrong because it hadn’t been done before.

I found myself saying to my friend, “You are equipped because you’re called by our Father. And we need your kind of special, no matter how ordinary or different you think it is.”

Being an outside observer, I could see the opportunity for my friend. I guess you could call that my “weird.” I love helping others see what God is doing in their lives and explore how they can use the gifts they had overlooked in themselves. I get to use this skill in my podcast, my business coaching, and with my marketing clients.

To me, it was obvious that my friend had gifts no one else had and how her special kind of different could make a big impact in the kingdom of God in a way no one else was doing. But it was hard for my friend to see and accept that something she did every day without thinking was part of her calling. We talked about how sometimes it’s hard not to think we’re strange or crazy, maybe even arrogant, to think we can be the change we really want to experience. However, this very real struggle is a sign post to remind each of us how God created us with unique insights and gifts for a specific purpose.

I can so relate to my friend’s feelings. Throughout my career and ministry, I’ve known I’m not like many others. For the longest time I didn’t know how I fit in in the spaces that were already created, and I thought maybe something was wrong with me. 

Being set apart has not always been an enjoyable experience. And what I’ve thought was common sense because it came naturally to me was actually revolutionary to others. It took a long time and a lot of good friends and peers speaking into my life for me to finally embrace my differences and to see my “weird” as good.

God helped me change the way I view myself by teaching me not to compare myself to others. Instead, I need to look for the thing that sets me apart or makes me special in how He made me and then go do that with Him. In business, we call it our specialty. In writing, we call it our niche. In family, we call it our role. In life, we call it our calling.

What we long for in situations is validation for how we are wired, our passions, and our work. We can quickly talk ourselves out of the very thing that God designed us to do because we don’t see it around us. But God made you special. He wants you to use the talents and gifts He gave you that you think are common but are really what’s missing in the world.

You might still be thinking to yourself, “But I don’t know what I’m doing! No one I know has ever done this before!”

I realize some of that statement could probably be true. But that doesn’t mean God isn’t asking you to do it anyway. With Him leading and instructing you as you go, you are equipped because you are called by our Father.

God has called plenty of women just like you to do things that have never been done before by a woman. They were each the first. No one had ever been a(n):

  • Mother like Eve
  • Worship leader like Miriam
  • Judge and prophet like Deborah 
  • Queen-to-the-rescue like Esther
  • Evangelist like Mary Magdalene
  • Business leader funding missions like Lydia 
  • Teacher of the gospel like Priscilla 

None of these women were weird. Each of them were simply called and empowered by God to do what He had already planned for them to accomplish with Him.

You’re not weird. You’re the one who’s called to do the thing you’re passionate about — those desires planted on purpose by your Creator. And the rest of us desperately need you not to be embarrassed or feel less than or compare your calling to anyone else’s. Just like I told my friend, we need your kind of special, and many will be blessed by it.

Friend, you’re not weird. You’re the one to do the very thing you think you can’t. God made you just for it!

What is God is asking you to share with the world?

Why Are We All So Sorry All the Time?

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“I’m sorry. How can I help you?”

The first time I heard it, I thought I must’ve been mistaken. The second time I heard it, though, I realized that was indeed what she had said. The girl at the drive-thru window of my local McDonald’s had started apologizing before taking orders.

Now, I realize we could easily make a joke about how yes, fast food workers should apologize for the sub-par junk food they sell. And this particular McDonald’s actually owes me several legit sorries — for slow service, missing fries, wrong food altogether, and that one time my four-year-old wanted a smoothie but the smoothie machine was broken and then I had a crying kid and no smoothie for our entire drive to the babysitter.

But it struck me as so strange that this young woman was saying she was sorry before we’d had a single interaction. And this happened on more than one visit (yes, you caught me, I frequent McDonald’s on a scarily regular basis). It wasn’t a huge leap for me to assume this was a new habit, that she had become so accustomed to needing to apologize that she decided to just lead with that — as if she owed me an apology simply for existing, simply for doing her job, simply for . . . serving me? What?

I see the same thing happening on one of my favorite apps, Voxer. It’s a messaging app that allows you to send voice or text messages (or GIFs, my favorite) that the recipient can listen and respond to on her own time. It’s more personal than texting but not intrusive like an actual phone call. I use it to keep up with friends and for work, and you can message with one person at a time or to a whole group. It serves as a watercooler at work, a conference room, the back porch, or the coffee shop — perfect for friends or colleagues separated by distance (and time zones).

I’m not telling you all that to advertise or to convert you to Voxer. No, I just want to make sure you understand the number and variety of conversations I’m having with people via this app every day. It’s a lot. And in almost every single one, I’ve noticed women beginning messages with — you guessed it — “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.
I’m sorry for whining.
I’m sorry to ask.
I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear.
I’m sorry that’s a dumb question.
I’m sorry I just talked for seven minutes!
I’m sorry I don’t have time to chat today.
I’m sorry you can hear my kids in the background.
I’m sorry I’m breathing weird; I’m on the treadmill.

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.

What is happening here? Why are we all so sorry all the time? It’s not as if any of those things are serious transgressions. If someone needs a faster response, I can be reached in a dozen other ways. If a colleague needs clarification, she can ask. If a friend can’t help or isn’t in the mood to listen to me vent or is bothered by the sound of my kids bickering in the backseat, she doesn’t have to listen to my message. Or she can listen later. Or she can hit the fast-forward button and listen to an annoying or long (or annoyingly long) message that way.

If you’re tempted right now to confess that you, too, apologize too often — and apologize for that? Stop! Don’t do it! Instead, take a deep breath. And remember that you have the right to be here — in this community, in a conversation, on the subway, in the grocery store aisle, at the mom’s group. And you have the right to be human, to be imperfect, to be real. Don’t apologize for being here, for being you!

Are you clumsy? Perpetually late? Awkward? Too talkative, too loud? Too quiet? Tall? Short? Big? Small? Taking up too much space? Asking too many questions? Too vulnerable? Too sarcastic? Too much? Too real? Too you?

No, you aren’t. Don’t apologize for being you. You are wonderful. You are loved. Yes, you. You are God’s handiwork, and remember, when God looks at His creation (you! me! all of us!), He says, “It is very good.”

In Paul’s second letter to Timothy, he writes, “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). I can’t know for sure, but that makes me think Paul wouldn’t be a big fan of frequent, flippant apologies and the popular hashtag, #sorrynotsorry. Instead, I think he’d tell us what he told Timothy:

Do your best. Work hard.
Do not be ashamed.
Speak the truth.

When we rely on empty apologies rather than putting in the hard work, when we are embarrassed to accept and live out who God made us to be, when we say we’re sorry when we’re not, we’re not really covering up our problems or excusing our own existence. We’re creating problems and living in shame.

And when we’re ashamed of ourselves, for reasons that don’t matter or for something that has already been forgiven, we’re forgetting the most amazing truth of all: When we confess our sins, God forgives us and washes us clean. Then, we no longer have anything to be ashamed of.

So, today, let’s simply do our best, stand unashamed, and speak the truth (instead of saying sorry).

For the Women Who Hold the World Together

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I’ve been biting my fingernails a lot. I pick and play with my cuticles when I’m anxious. I’ve been nervous about a lot of things recently — more things than I care to admit.

I’m nervous about my kids drowning, the number in our bank account, the responsibilities I’ve committed to.

I’m embarrassed because I haven’t taught my kids how to do chores, memorize verses, or how to write thank you cards.

I dread so many things right now: I dread school starting, I dread the dentist appointment I have next week, I dread making dinner tonight.

I’m worried about my oldest becoming a teenager with his frequent emotional outbursts. I’m worried that my second son feels the weight of my anger. I’m worried my middle child is just that — the middle child. I am terrified that I am not present enough with my younger kids.

I’m ashamed because I don’t pray enough. I can go days without praying. I simply forget. As I’m typing this, I stop to pick at my nails. I told you I was nervous.

I clamor under my to-do list while my mind tries to fight off my emotions with logic. But logic can never appease my soul. Logic can never properly put my anxiety into place. It can never love me back.

When I stop, really stop, it makes me want to sleep. I’m so exhausted by the weight I hold in the middle of my chest. I can’t handle it all. I can’t handle all of me.

I whisper this prayer, “God, I have so many fears. I have so many lives and relationships to manage. I just might get swallowed up whole by the amount of stress I’m holding.” My heartbeat intensifies. But Jesus is here, and He says, “Come.” I don’t have to physically come, but I have to let my heart come out of hiding.

I let all my fears come up to breathe. I don’t push them down or away. I feel them. I take my hands and hold them open.

Come. I can let all my ache come up. I don’t have to fix, heal, change, or pretend I’m better than I am. I don’t have to manage my ache with “right” thinking or good behavior. There is room for my mess, chaos, and incomplete sentences to come up and be with God. I can let all of me come up and come undone. I can find Christ kindly motioning me to keep talking. He doesn’t roll His eyes, shame me with “shoulds,” or make me wait my turn.

Come. Over and over. Come.

Come isn’t one more thing I have to do. He is inviting me to let the truth speak. I give words to my internal world. There is room for me to be noisy, awkward, and to ramble on and on.

Come.

I come with my little problems, irritations, and big concerns. I bring it all. That massive bag of boulders I’m carrying — I bring it too. I talk about how mad I am at myself and my kids and my friend who never calls me back. I’m angry.

And just when I think God has had enough of me and my venting, I see Him. He is beside me. He is with me, shoulder to shoulder. He says, “That’s a lot you’ve been holding inside.” I nod and cry. And instead of biting my fingernails, I wipe my tears. I let all of me come up to be loved by all of Him.

Season One, Episode 07: Joy in Community

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This week, Michelle Reyes, (in)courage contributor, joins the show to share her own story of joy found in community. Our hosts Becky Keife and Mary Carver discuss how we can find so much joy in community and how, in order to truly love God and love others, we must value every believer by embracing and celebrating what makes us unique.

We take a look at how harmony within the Church can affect our ability to experience and express joy and address how division and favoritism prevents us from experiencing joy in community and even goes against how we’re instructed to live (James 2:1-10). We also touch on several psalms that make it clear God wants us to rejoice together, including:

Like we always do, this episode ends with a Bible verse for the week. This week, it’s John 16:22:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. 

Play the episode and subscribe below so you don’t miss a minute of the (in)courage podcast, and find it streaming anywhere you listen to podcasts.


Whether you’ve gone through the Courageous Joy Bible study, haven’t started it yet, or haven’t even heard of it, you’re invited to this series of conversations. Get your copy of Courageous Joy at DaySpring — use code PODCAST25 to save 25% + get free shipping!

Tune in next week as Becky & Mary wrap up our podcasts first season and Courageous Joy. See you then!

Episode Guest:
Michelle Reyes: website, Instagram, Facebook

Podcast Hosts:
Mary Carver: website, Instagram, Facebook, author of the Courageous Joy Bible Study
Becky Keife: website, Instagram, Facebook